This was something I wrote two years ago for a science benchmark. I don't know where I got the idea for it.
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It felt good to watch over the sea. It moved and glittered under her gaze as if it was maze out of the very sunlight it reflected. In a way, it was kind of sad, like a mother who gives everything but gets nothing for herself. The sadness relaxed her enough so that she could forget that she was moving and that there was something—an itch?--forming inside her for centuries now: a ruthless anger she could do nothing but suppress. It made her doubt who she was. It was as if she were morphing; she wasn't a violent person... most of the time. But times were changing. She could feel the oceanic plate dip underneath her and continue to move forward with—as it seemed to her—lightning speed. Until something like this happened to you, life as a continental plate was relaxing.
She turned her attention onto what she knew was her handsome neighbor, an oceanic plate, forcing himself to his ultimate doom—the mantle, hot with neighbors that had previously fallen. It wasn't his fault, though; she had heard from a passing scientist that he was more dense than her (she had always thought that this was a joke from her ancestor, who “chose” who was going to be pulled down there next, that they wanted smarter landmasses in the world), and would eventually melt into the mantle and die, returning to the earth through the volcanoes.
Suddenly, while she was amidst her thoughts, there was a sudden lurching that made her sick and distorted her view of the sea—was she being punished? She felt underneath herself and found that she had a red hot core and like her head was splitting open at the seams. That was when she realized that the pressure that had been forcing her apart had been released—right through the top of her head. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't.
Then she felt something buckle with a loud, screaming crack and her head shot up into the air. Her temper flared; it was out of control now, and she erupted again, relieving more of the pressure inside her. Something very hot rolled down her head, face, arms, and legs, burning her almost beyond her own recognition—wait, she had legs now? Yes, she was a volcano, a mother among her kind. As she erupted more, she regarded her new transformation as a blessing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this seems like a really cool little metaphor that you've come up with here. Its got a really interesting feel to it with how you've humanized these giant ocean plates. The descriptions in this one especially are done really well and I loved how you managed to almost bring these to life.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is certainly not an idea that I can say that I've run into before. Its a very interesting take on things and it seems to be trying to convey a pretty interesting message. I love the imagery of the sea that you bring out in this work and the comparisons that you've drawn through your metaphors are definitely very interesting to try to imagine.
Well this is a very interesting scene that you have managed to conjure up here out of the ocean depths. Its definitely a comparison that I have never seen before and so far I am really liking what you've managed to write here.
This is a really interesting way to describe an undersea volcanic eruption. It does a wonderful job showcasing the true nature of what's happening in its awesome natural scale while it also shows some actual emotion of this oceanic plate as it is subjected to being part of an eruption. Its definitely a very interesting story.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a really nice little story to read and I really enjoyed this fresh perspective on an undersea eruption like that. You also manage to bring out some realistic emotion here which is also a really nice thing to see. Great Job!!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I really liked your description. I thought this story was very good and the concept was unique.
It was the program I edtied it in. I couldn't figure out how to make a solid dash in it.
I like this, very original. Just one error I spotted.
The first time you used a solid dash (an em dash I think) and the second it was two smaller ones.