Her pretty nails bleed a deep red, accentuating her olive skin
She paints her face to satisfy the hunger they crave
Staring at the mirror she longs for the girl she had once been
Knowing she may not come back she bites her lip in vain
The clock is ticking, it is now one hour before the game begins
She quickly puts on her poker face and rushes out the door
When she enters the game room all the lights are dim
Her face burns up as her conscience suddenly roars
She brushes it aside,knowing the game eats her alive
Anticipating the end she imagines a dream world in her head
With every game played her body mourns inside
Numbness can not save her, as she already feels dead
Returning home she lays down on her bed and begins to sob
Her pretty painted face now smeared to a mess
Inside she feels her hallow heart throb
Oh how she desires the life she had once kept
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I'm guessing the theme of this poem is how women focus on their outward appearances/beauty, but they don't feel appreciated for themselves and their inward beauty. However, the great thing about poetry, and writing in general, is that some pieces can be interpreted in many ways. Everyone can get something different out of the same thing. Whatever the actual theme is, I do like this poem. This is a topic so many women can relate to.
But, honestly, I do like it.
You have a lot of contrasting images in this poem, which makes for vivid images. I love your descriptions a lot! As I review, I think I'm falling in love with this poem
Well, a very touching feminine poem.
It clearly highlights the pain in the girl's heart when she has to do something out of her will.
Happiness is the ornament which adorns a lady.
The outer makeup and clothing cannot give a woman the ultimate happiness which she longs for.
The girl in the poem cries at her plight and wishes to be happy and carefree like she used to be.
She doesn't have a choice- afterall, the world is unfair.
Hello~
So I really like the concept (not *quite* sure what "The Game" is, but I have a few guesses) of painting on a face etc. I really like your rhymes too. They're nice and subtle in most places, but in a few others they just feel forced to me. Most of the time I didn't even notice they were there. You have some amazing images in pretty much every line. One thing that I think is a drawback of your rhymes is that they make this really serious poem seem almost child-like and whimsical. But I like the rhymes and I think you should keep them.
You start off the poem with a nice hook to draw us in. The specific colors make us wonder why we're honing in on those colors, especially "blood red." We knew it wasn't going to end well from the mention of blood and we were curious to see what tragedies would befall.
In the second to last line you use the word "hallow." I'm not sure if you really meant to use that word or "hollow."
Because this poem is very prose-y, I feel like It needs a little bit of punctuation. Of course this is all up to you, but I think you would convey your meaning better if you had punctuation.
Great job, I love you descriptions especially. Keep writing!
~Fortis
(and as for my guesses, I would guess a prostitute along with Dragon99, or some sort of club dancer)
I was thinking that maybe, if the 'game' your talking about is metaphorical, I was thinking of a date. If it's literal maybe it means that she's a prostitute. Either way it's really well written and detailed. Tell me on my wall or a PM if my guess was close!
It is supposed to be separated every four lines.