Published June 23, 2009
And she came home to dinner that evening:
the personification of spring.
Rosy cheeks and the sweet scent of blossom,
and beauty with her did she bring.
She rushed through the door in a flurry,
hatless; bootlaces undone;
one hand clutching freshly picked crocuses,
and her face bore the kiss of the sun.
Golden curls tumbled loose all about her;
her ribbon she'd lost on the way.
And her dress: pale blue; muddied and torn;
pulled in curtsey with "Sorry I'm late!"
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140,600 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I must say I do not write poetry anymore because i feel I suck at it. I love your poetry it is very beautiful in word and imagery. I've had to go through many of your poems to even find one I feel I may have a suggestion for. So this is it.
I feel like this sounds somewhat awkward because of the word 'with' which makes it sound like the the clothing is speaking and not the girl. Replacing the word with another like 'she' would help the piece or another word that gives the sentence a speaker. Other than that great poem beautiful words keep it up
I really loved this poem, and i totally agree with what everyone else has said. The idea of the presenting spring as a little girl is in itself a good idea, and coupled with the fanastic imagery used it makes a great read.
My favourite line was
just because the images of the sun and flowers is to me what spring is really about.
Although the one line "and beauty with her did she bring" does feel slightly forced the overall flow and rhyme of the poem still works well.
X
I really like this poem. It's the first I've read on here ( I only made an account this evening; still getting to grips with the whole reviewing thing) and it really captures the way i imagine the spring coming to be. I especially like the section:
and
[i
In response to another comment left, i don't see why 'hatless' is wrong as it simply means without a hat, rather than 'less than a hat' if you see where i'm coming from (?)
Really good imagery and i look forward to reading more of your work.
=] x
Perfectly splendid. Eximious, even. xxx
Hey there! You have a fabulous username. Jemima Puddle Duck was one of my favorite bedtime stories ever.
I love this opening. More often than not, an opening with the word And can easy become aggravating, but I think that this sort of opening suits the poem well, dear.
I like this part, too, but I would drop the and in the first line and replace it with a comma
The rest of this poem is excellently done as well. I love the clean rhyme scheme you achieved. You kept your message, your rhyme and structure throughout, which is a tough thing to do in poetry. You've done it beautifully here.
I love the way you captured spring here, too. I love "the rushing through the door in a flurry"; a flurry could pertain to a hurry or a snowstorm-- either way you think of it, it suits perfectly.
Wonderful job on this, dear. Keep it up.
Juniper
I really liked this piece. Like Penelope mentioned above, it was written with nice imagery and for me, it was a mellow read.
Just one thing:
She rushed through the door in a flurry,
hatless; bootlaces undone; This line is a bit short compared to the rest and it gives out an awkward feeling. Maybe you should try putting 'hatless and bootlaces undone.'
Overall, it was lovely. I'm looking forward to more of your work!
First off, this is a great poem, I love the imagery, it really made me feel like (1 Spring is a little girl and (2 you tend to get a little upset when winter over stays its welcome. This is a good thing, because I'm registering feeling from and behind your poem.
I did not even really notice this poem had a specific rhyming to it while I was reading it, and I read it a few times. It was only until I started paying more attention to this line that I noticed it. This is the only line that you had to force a rhyme. It does feel forced, and the wording is a little awkward to read and say. If you were to go back and fix anything in this poem, I would pray it'd be this line.
This entire little portion is just IMAGERY. I love it, it really makes me picture a younger girl running late as spring.
A few mistakes: hateless should be hat less, and curtsy has no 'e'.
You kept a rhythm, you kept your idea, you did wonderfully. I haven't read a poem this good on here since I read Mars's poem about ropes being laced with duplicity. The entire idea of using a younger girl running late to depict spring, is brilliant within itself, the way you were able to actually capture your idea so well in this poem, is a testament to your skills, great work, I want to see more.