The Color Grey

Hi there! Welcome to YWS, as the others have said so already. I just finished reading your poem - of course *facepalms self xD* - and grey is one of my three favorite colors: serene grey, oblivion black, and crimson blood red. Anyways. Enough about me.

This is a short, but nicely flowing work of writing. I did enjoy reading the lines piece by piece, attacking its meaning and drawing conclusions. I really like this little story, and how you manage to make it mysterious.

Of course, there are just some grammatical mistakes and typos but you can easily fix that. I'm not saying you should, since as the creator of the piece you can depict it how you want. I'm sparing you the time of what should go where, which lines need punctuation, yada yada yada. You get it, I'm sure.

Overall, this can be classified as "a work in progress" but I don't want to make you feel sad. As a YWS writer I can only hope to see more work from you in the future.

Have a wonderful day! Keep on writing these mysterious poems full of illusion!

~ Catlover

I see you are new!
Welcome here and I hope you have a lot of fun!
I can still count myself as someone new into this site,but still if you have any questions,I will do my best to answer them and help you.There are many awesome people here!

So now back to the review I am trying to make right here.I like main idea,even if honestly,it is nothing new.But every different person has different way to express this idea for the colours so it is always interesting,I think.At least for me.Every person with their different thinking.I see this is your first work,which is posted here,and for a first work and in the poetry style,very good job.Surely,not everyone can write in this style.Also,what I noticed,is that you have a big variety of words.Usually,the repeatment of same words show you have poor vocabulary.But you had done it well there.I like smooth and well thought of flow and rhyme in this work.Well,surely,I am daying so many positive things abiut this work,but I try to be as honest as I possibly can be here.

I can count only the punctuation and grammar mistakes as a negative in this work,and in my review.

I will suggest corrections,but you can always tell your own opinion about them:




When everyone leaves, I am the only one left(.)

I hear a lulling leer from the dark side of my mind(.)

A well planned, yet unintentional, theft(.)

My world, robbed of color(.)

It isn’t so bad to be alone(.)

These words (,) no louder than a whisper(.)

Oh! (M)y color, gone. How much I miss her(.)

I hear her, in the wandering wind, but sadly I misheard(.)

Like Queen Sheba and her jeweled throne, it was gone.

She sit on earth, stone.

Flesh and bone.

Her color, my color, her throne, it was no longer hers to own.

I’m sure she wanted it back.

But it just wasn’t so.


Also,I agree with phangirl that maybe you need to divide here and there.

Keep on writing!As a new member,I hope you continue to post your works and improve with the help of the readers and the reviewers.

hello! phangirl here dropping by for a quick review!

First of all welcome to YWS I really hope you like it here! this site is amazing and I'm sure you'll fall in love with it soon !
(anyways back to your work...)
I think your poem was good, but i certainly guess that with a bit of editing here and there it could be made better!

1.THEME
the theme was good... writing about a colour, though it is nothing new (no offence) i liked to read about it. And i really appreciate that of all the colours you chose grey! its definietly one of those colors that people usually negotiate, or seem to think as lame or dull, but serioudly i like grey and for you to tittle your poem on its basis was really good.

2.WORD CHOICE
I suggest, you use more interesting, more better words. not that i'm complaining about your word choice, but uhh...you know poems are all about how you put words in...how you use them as creatively as you can...so i suggest you look for synonyms or something...

3.LINE LENGTHS AND PUNCUATIONS.
I really think you could use some editing here, as all your lines in the poem are too long...if you divide them in diffrent lines, it makes it look better and even in some cases flow better... and even though i'm not usually the best to talk about puncuation and stuff i've got some things for you there...look here,

"When everyone leaves,
I am the only one left(.)
I hear a lulling leer from the dark side of my mind(,)
(a) well planned,
yet unintentional, theft (.)
My world(: it's) robbed of color(!)
It isn’t so bad to be alone(.)
These words no louder than a whisper(,)
Oh! my color (is all), gone. How much I miss her!
I hear her,
in the wandering wind,
but sadly I misheard(.)
Like Queen Sheba and her jeweled throne,
it was gone.
She sit on earth, stone.
Flesh and bone.
Her color, my color,her throne,
it was no longer hers to own.
I’m sure she wanted it back.
But it just wasn’t so"

But these are only suggestions, and if you dont want to take them then its all right..

4.FLOW
i really liked the flow of your poem specially the flesh and bone line...that was my favourite!


overall you did a good job there! and i hope that this helped (even a bit) i hope to see more of your works around here!

PHANGIRL~

Hi, here is Abhipsa just for a review!

First of all, welcome to YWS!

Congratulations on your thoughts. I have read poets personifying many objects, but personifying a color is a unique idea.

You wrote the poem very well and it was interesting to read. Yes the color grey is always loathed. I don't know if you meant to have a rhyme scheme or not, but overall it was good.

You could have brought out the emotions more clearly and some of the advantages in the end of being grey, like everyone adores the shinning grey metals.

Again, these are only my opinions. You have a nice work with you.

Keep writing!

Wow! This is really great. I love the allusion to Queen Sheba! You have loads of literary techniques so I can't fault you there! Maybe what you could do is vary the sentence length? More enjambment and commas would definitely make your poem flow better. But apart from that I really like alot of your word choice. I think it was great how you personified colour!
I really liked this poem and I think it has LOTS of potential!
Keep on writing so I can read more of your work!