Published September 24, 2014
I face death when I awake to a new day
The bitterness, the pain, they still remain
Loss in the past, more to lose, yet what to gain?
A blade so clean, yet precise in it's aim
I balance on it's end, which side to claim?
Too powerful my foe, the victor easily decided
I await my fate, death or even worse
Toss the dice, a game that cannot be won
Stare into the barrel of an empty gun
Afraid to end it, yet too tired to continue
Stare into green eyes, see what I see too
Gray lines the edge, white besieged by black
No hope for support, strength becomes slack
Defeat in sight, a futile stand made half-hearted
Embrace the void, peace granted, light darkened
Kin of my blood forgotten, mere memory become faded
A path in moonlight, no clear direction I've headed
A choice I've made, despair laced in my mentality
A choice I've made, light escaping a personal reality
Two choices, one selection, death or halted progression
Two choices, one selection, I've made my decision
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140,222 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Simply lovely
Beautiful. That was certainly well done. I agree. It's dark, but certainly not morbid. I liked the struggle you created. The line:
"Despair laced in my mentality."
"Too powerful my foe, the victor easily decided" really helped capture this. The wonder is, do they consider Death to be the enemy? Life? Or something else entirely?
Your word choice and description is also lovely.
"Stare into green eyes, see what I see too
Gray lines the edge, white besieged by black
No hope for support, strength becomes slack
Defeat in sight, a futile stand made half-hearted
Embrace the void, peace granted, light darkened"
were a few lines that displayed this.
I also like how the character now has to make a choice, based upon choices made before... but I suppose that's life, is it not?
"A choice I've made, despair laced in my mentality
A choice I've made, light escaping a personal reality
Two choices, one selection, death or halted progression
Two choices, one selection, I've made my decision"
Again, lovely...
On to more praise... the suspense is well created. I think it's good that you didn't actually answer the question that the readers were asking. Assumptions can always be made, but the answer isn't known.
Great job ^-^ Keep up the good work.
Dark, yet not morbid. A grim determination towards a dreadful choice. I love how you were able to capture feelings without being to explicit or in your face. General, but with enough details to make it your own (green eyes, a start of anew day so morning) The suspense is wonderful, leaves the reader guessing. Each line is so powerful and carefully written. You have some amazing description. I can just see a writer dissecting this and adding narratives per line. Yet they all fit together, so I have to applaud you for that. *clapping*