Published May 28, 2010
Chapter 5
Across the Lake
Aeron made himself invisible behind the supply shed.
“Are you ready?” Asked Zorach
“I think so yeah.”
“Let’s go now.”
They started toward the nearest boat which was currently loading supplies. Zorach confused the guy at the loading area using garna. Once they were on board they went to the store cabins to wait.
They felt a surge as the boat took off from dock. They waited a few minutes until they were sure they wouldn’t turn around. They slowly crept to the bow of the boat. There they made themselves visible again. Everybody turned around to see the new part of the crew.
“Don’t try to run. If you do you’ll be dead before you can blink your eyes. All we want is for you to take us to Sudan. We will be peaceful if you’ll be peaceful.” Zorach explained
They listened to the crews’ murmurs.
“We do what ya’ sa’ only for pay.” The captain said.
“Okay. Well get back to the ship. We don’t want to sink do we.”
Over the next couple of days the sailors got to know and trust them, as with Zorach and Aeron. They were about half way things started to get bad. On the second day a storm hit.
They had zero visibility and a whirlpool had started. Then on their third day they heard a shriek. It was that of an Ewenki. They had seen a vessel the day previous. That day they saw again and aboard a group of Ewenki. They jumped from their boat onto theirs.
“Get behind me everybody except for Aeron.” Zorach yelled over the blistering wind.
The first Ewenki stepped forward and was instantly blown off the boat by Zorach. The rest of them all charged at once. Zorach sent three more off the ship and Aeron had two of them ablaze. The remaining three said something but was indistinguishable. So Aeron killed them by breaking their necks.
The crew was saying stuff like that was amazing can you teach us. On the fourth day they arrived at Sudan.
“Thank you all.” Aeron and Zorach said.
Chapter 6
The Rebellion
They stayed on the ship for the night but left early in the morning. They traveled north toward the mountains. On the second day of travel Aeron stopped and asked,
“How did you teleport into the chapel?”
“All you have to do is think of the destination you want and raise your hand in that direction.”
“Then why don’t we do that to the mountains?”
“Let’s try shall we.”
They both thought of the mountains and raised their hands. Instantly they arrived by the mountains. The sensation was that if you got sucked into a whirlpool. The mountains were snowcapped and as far as the eye could see.
“Are these the Sudan Mountains?”
“Yes. You saved us a lot of time. We need to go to the North Peak.”
It took them a day to make it to the North Peak. When they arrived Zorach started to speak in a strange tongue. After he finished there was a low rumble and a city appeared before them.
“Welcome to The Rebellion. May good fortune be brought to you.” Zorach stated giddy with happiness.
“Wow. It’s amazing. Why hasn’t Xorion attacked this place? It’s monstrous.”
“It’s protected by magic. Nobody can see unless you know how to get in.” He stated with a know-it-all tone of voice
They walked about a mile in until people started to surround them.
“Why are they doing this?”
“For one you’re a Dragon Warrior, and I’m the leader.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“I never got around to it.”
They walked to the center of the city. When they arrived there was a podium already set up.
“What do they want you to make a speech?” asked Aeron
“Yeah, I think so.”
Zorach went up to the podium. As he was walking gongs started to ring out across the city. There must have been twenty thousand people there.
Zorach raised his hands and everything was silent.
“I’ve come again my people.” Zorach started. “This time I bring good news. We have found a new Dragon Warrior. Just then the crowd roared with excitement. Zorach waited for silence. He is right beside me. He pointed to Aeron. The crowd cheered again. The king does not know yet, but I intend for him to know soon. This is a time for war. Aeron will lead as will I. We will make him feel pain he has not yet felt. Our first target will be De’ad. We will kill everyone who is loyal to the king. We will show no mercy. Let us prepare.”
And with that all the people left.
“Zorach stated, Oh and I forgot one detail, I’m also a Dragon Warrior.
Chapter 6
Raid on De’ad
The next couple of days were hectic. Everybody was in an uproar; Aeron was nervous about the raid and also mad at Zorach for leaving him in the dark.
The day before the raid we prepared to leave by magic. Most of the population was magicians. Everybody who wasn’t was given a weapon and paired with a magician. Magicians could choose rather to have a weapon or not. The only people that were staying were women and children.
The day of the raid Zorach pulled Aeron aside and said,
“Misery is already there. All you have to do is teleport there, then he will come get you. And please don’t get yourself killed okay.”
“I’ll try.” Aeron stated as cold as his voice could muster.
The first groups were already leaving. He was going to be one of the last to go. Each group of people was to go to different sections. Aeron was to go to the port and burn the supplies coming in.
Finally it was his turn to leave. He raised his palm and thought of De’ad. He went through the same sensation as before and opened his eyes to hell. The whole dock was burnt, the skies were orange from the smoke, dead bodies were everywhere, and there were children running for their lives. All because of The Rebellion.
Aeron called Misery and saw him sweep down and land.
“I missed you Misery.”
“As did I.”
Aeron jumped on his back and rid off into the sky. To the left of them was Zorach on a golden dragon. The gold dragon was huge, almost twice the size of Misery.
Ahead of them was a Helkin on an enchanted beast he didn’t know of. It looked like a black dragon but he couldn’t be for sure. They headed right for it. The beast swooped down and kicked Misery’s side. Misery bent and snapped at its neck but missed. The Helkin roared and threw his sword at Aeron. He deflected it and it fell below. The helkin grabbed it and charged at Aeron. He blocked the Helkin’s blow then tried to disarm him but failed. Aeron shot a ball of energy at him and knocked the helkin off his beast. As he fell Aeron broke his neck.
Aeron rode back into the city while Misery blew fire over everything that moved. Zorach was fighting a Helkin over the chapel. Then a shriek of an Ewenki filled his ears. He saw it just before he was pierced by an arrow. He turned around to find it sitting on a slagon. The slagon opened his mouth and instead of fire they breathe despair. Instantly Aeron felt like he wasn’t needed in the world. The Ewenki took its chance. He knocked an arrow, but then Zorach came and killed it.
“Watch those; they’ll kill in a heartbeat.” Zorach said as he flew off.
Aeron flew down to the ground where Misery started to walk. Arrows, spears, and swords were all that Aeron thought about. Just then a second Helkin appeared and slashed through the air with his hand. Everything exploded into fire. Aeron tried to put it out but it wouldn’t.
Aeron threw a bolt of lightning as the Helkin tried to do it again. It hit the Helkin in the arm. He threw a bolt of lightning right back at him and it hit Aeron in the leg. Before Aeron could retaliate the Helkin broke Aeron’s right arm. As Aeron was slowly bleeding to death Zorach came behind the Helkin and cut off his head. Then came over to Aeron and healed him.
“Thanks.” Aeron said thankfully.
Zorach left to fight some more while Aeron stayed behind.
Aeron started to go towards the center of the town when someone behind him screamed. He turned as a sword came down upon him. He blocked it then sent lightning at the attacker. The attacker fell to the ground. His hood fell off to reveal black hair and a freckled face. He had killed a girl. Aeron picked her up and felt for a pulse.
She was barely breathing. He carried her to where all the other injured people were.
“Take her back as soon as possible.”
“Yes my Lord.” said a healer.
He went back to Misery and got on her back. He took off without hesitation. Misery landed on top of the chapel. They could see the whole fight from here. They saw a giant explosion on the eastern side. Misery took of instantly. When they were close enough Aeron jumped off his back and free fell the rest of the way. About twenty feet from the ground he used garna to slow himself down.
He could see it clearly now. Three Helkin were blowing stuff up. He started to run toward them. They noticed him at once and made a wall of fire thirty feet high. Misery swept down low enough to where Aeron could jump on. He went up at a ninety degree angle. He went over the fire easily.
Aeron jumped behind the Helkin. They anticipated it and had already shot energy at him. He blocked it and threw lightning. All three shot fire at him simultaneously but were unable to get more than three feet before Misery deflected it. He charged toward them giving the distraction Aeron needed. He jumped and broke their necks all at the same time.
He ran toward the people lying on the ground half of them were dead.
“No!” he screamed. In the pile of dead bodies was his Mother.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey Jarred!


First of all, I wanted to point out that you have two chapter sixes in this post! It's a bit weird, so you might want to edit that bit out.
Next, you probably want to work on making this more difficult. For example, the teleportation idea. Okay, so you can teleport... but sometimes, you can make it too easy for your characters! The whole point of stories is to see your character struggling through something. So it might be really cool if we saw your character struggling, not just for the main conflict (confronting his mother's death, etc.) but for little things? It would make the story much more realistic, I think.