Published June 7, 2010
I'm looking at you
Don't know what to say
I'm so lost in your eyes
I know what lies awake
[chorus]
Hey look at me
I'm standing here all alone
Waiting for you
To walk this way tonight
Hey look at me
My love for you
Is as vast as outer space
I don't know what to do
I can't stop thinking of you
[chorus]
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
I'm so in love with you
And your eyes
[chorus]
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141,729 Literary Works • 675,630 Reviews
Hey there, Jared. I'm afraid I'll have to agree with x3CoFx3; this song was full of cliches, which made it boring. Using some cliches are fine, but this entire song is a string of cliches. In addition, the lengths of the lines in the verses was not consistent, which threw off the flow. Flow is everything in a song, so if you have a song without a solid flow, it falls flat.
Another thing you should look into is punctuation. Lyrics follow the same rules of grammar as regular writing, and not following them makes your lyrics more difficult to read and understand.
To be honest, this just bored me. No offense, but the whole song is a cliche, what you hear all the time when someone is in love with someone else. Also, this part
I don't think that makes sense. It should probably say 'I know what lies await', not 'awake'.
You should try to rewrite this and put into it original thoughts that you came up with in your head. Which I don't know if anyone can do that, actually, because the whole topic of love is just one big cliche in my opinion.