18+ Language

The Signs: Chapter One, Refer to the Devil

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

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Prologue

"Fuck, man! How did you manage to get us in this shit in the first place?" Jack snapped, cutting down a thick section of underbrush in a methodical, but slightly unhinged way.

"I didn't volunteer for this, I promise. The old guy said we had to do it. If that ain't incentive, I don't know what is." John countered, walking in a straight line behind Jack, who was the oldest of the pair.

"He knows we aren't made for this shit. I should be out on the plains right now drinking my favorite selection, not bustling through the woods. And again, what the hell are we looking for?" Jack continued complaining as they wove their way through the woods.

"How many times has he told you, Jack? You never listen, do you? He said, 'Look for the signs!' So we're fucking looking for the signs." John replied.

"The signs! Bullshit. We're doing the higher-up's grunt work, that's what we're doing. They don't wanna be trudging through this stuff, so we got to do it." Jack said, sighing.

"I only know our orders, Jack. When we took the oath, we knew we were in for a good bit of adventure with some shit mixed in. Remember our oaths, Jack? C'mon, it's simple. He said that the signs would come in some big way. We'd know it, at least, right? Let's just keep going. This grass ain't gonna get any shorter." John said.

The forest they were trudging through was very thick (such was the nature of the outer-forests). The trees, which rose hundreds of feet above their heads, gave the impression that they were walking down a very narrow and suffocating alley. To top it off, the heat from the sun allowed much room for sunburns as they made their way through the forest.

The only mitigation to their situation was the reward. The "old man" had promised them a hefty amount of money if they came through. To call their rag-tag group a "cult" would be accurate, certainly. They worshiped one entity, and they had their rituals. Jack and John were two of the oldest members of the cult, but they were constantly given the worst jobs. Everyone was.

The signs were simple. It would start in the stars, a sharp light. Then it would move to the trees, a rapid swaying. Then, all hell would break loose. There would be a screech, and it would manifest at the edge of the great forest. The pair carried a simple sacrifice in the form of a recently killed bird, but it would do. It would have to.

They paused in a small clearing - exactly as the old man had said it would be. They were carrying little, besides the dead bird. A small gem, a flask of an unknown liquid, and a tiny scroll.

"Shit, how about if this was just a damn lie? Ever think of that? You know, even if our master is summoned, he might just kill us, you know?" John queried.

"I wouldn't have asked you to ever join this goddamn cult if I didn't know it wasn't for real. Have some faith, eh?" Jack said.

"Well, then. First, we must place the gem upon the earth." Jack said, skeptically. After doing so, John smiled.

"Ha, no problem." John said, still smiling, albeit, nervously.

"Next, we must pour the blood of our elders upon the gem." John continued, emptying the flask upon the gems.

"And finally." they both said, nervously. "We must chant the words of our master."

"Immortus, Avartus, Alimu. Devous, Irisus, Oloria! Cactl, Ariau, Naro!" they chanted.

It happened then. In the heavens, a bright light appeared, blinding the pair temporarily.

"Holy shit! That's gotta to be it!" Jack exclaimed, shocked.

The trees, swaying rapidly but from no clear exterior force, also picked up in speed.

Then, it could just barely be seen at the edge of the forest. A figure, in a cloak, whose very image cut an outline through the trees to announce its presence. They had finally completed their mission. They had finally unleashed their master, who would, undoubtedly, reward them all handsomely. 

Chapter One

Allen perched on the edge of the cliff, nervously anticipating the time between his departure and his impact upon the rough, unforgiving landscape below. Time, love, memories - all held in a balance before he made his way into the beyond.

He did not long for a reason to live, and he did not long for a reason to remove himself from the cliff. He simply longed for something better. What a fool he had been, to believe that a nonsensical cult could deliver him from any of his personal demons? The cloaks, the rituals, the lies! Ruthlessly perpetrated so that the elders could summon a master that likely did not exist...that honestly, likely could not exist! 

Such lies had hardly phased him...truthfully, it was purpose that drove him on. But it did not take him long to realize the life he had abandoned for a cult. He had questioned, endlessly, whether the elders would even let him go. Evidently, they had. Or had simply been unable to stop him, due to neglect of their watch duties. 

The cliff seemed to be an answer. The only answer. He had plans, secrets, and many lies rattling around his head that almost beckoned for him to simply fall into oblivion. There were murders; blood on his hands. It did not matter. He could not prevent anymore, he simply could not. It would be best to lie dead at the bottom of the cliff, rather than face up to his mistakes. 

With this in mind, he stepped to the edge of the cliff, closer than he had ever dared. He remembered that the final ritual would be completed today. Perhaps it had even already been done. As he prepared himself for the fall, a nagging doubt gnawed at his head. For if the elders hadn't been mistaken, a truly cruel evil would be summoned from the dark. It would be his fault...all his fault. 

As if he were on a balance beam, the weight of his guilt and the weight of his longing for relief was measured. With this in mind, he found himself in his car, barreling down the highway back into civilization. 

Things were far from over, that he knew. He could not die peacefully without settling one final affair. Even if he had to converse with the devil to undo his sins, it would have to do.

Chapter One, Part 2 

Jack and John had been stranded in the forest for hours and hours on end, watching the figure in the distance make no significant movements or actions. A dreadfully boring affair.

"Why do you reckon he isn't moving?" Jack inquired, sighing.

"The hell I know. Maybe he ain't as fucking powerful as were were led to think. Could be we were led to think some pretty God awful, downright shitty things." John snapped. 

"Well, the summoning did work." Jack countered.

"Yeah, well I wanna see my damn reward." John said, pacing angrily.

"Hey, wait!" Jack yelled.

John stopped pacing hesitantly. "What the hell you yelling about?" 

"Don't you see it?" Jack questioned intently.

John looked up, and indeed, saw it. The figure had moved. And it was moving towards them.

"Fuck, it's probably going to kill us." John said.

"Why would it? We summoned it!" Jack argued.

The figure seemed to arrive in mere minutes. It was a cloaked being, with no visible face or distinctive features. It seemed to float upon the shadows, like a spectral being. 

John and Jack remained silent. It seemed prudent to remain silent. 

The being did not talk. 

Eventually, Jack broke the silence. "We were promised a reward, er, sir?" 

The being shook its head and Jack frowned.

"You mean, we don't get no reward?" John demanded. 

The being simply edged closer, until it stood right before the pair. 

"Yes, of course." it said, its voice as hard as the worst sin. 

That was all they heard before they vanished. Where, it may impossible to know. They would be fine, of course. They had summoned the creature, after all, right? 

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
MaryEvans
Review

Was passing through the neighbourhood and thought I'd say:

If you need to read the prologue to understand this, make the prologue either a chapter or part of the first chapter. The trend nowadays is no prologues because they are kind of unnecessary in what they actually represent. (In other words action or exposition before the action, separated by time or space, which if necessary can be weaved into the story later, and if not, well you don’t need it. If on the other hand it relates directly to your story, and to what is happening in the now, there is no reason why it should be separated.)

And a second thing. It took me a good 30 seconds to find the prologue in the list on the right, so go into your portfolio thingy, make a few folders, and stuff each story in a folder of itself for easier access.

Thanks for the folder advice. I've been meaning to do that.

Ah, I did consider putting the prologue in front of this chapter. I actually think I'll do that to save people time.

Sounds good.
Well done with the folders too, everything it much more clear now.

User avatar
Scottylaa
Review

Hey Jared, im back for more.

I'm sorry to say Jared but after reading chapter one I am left disappointed because the prologue left you in a great position to expand the story and explain a few points such as details of the main characters John and Jack and why they were there to summon the creature or more about this cult that you mention in the story. I think the chapter would've been better off as a whole not split up into 2 different parts and you could have done this by going into further information about either parts but it does leave some positives. Also I feel like so far you've made John into the bad one out of the two ( which is a bit rich for me to say this now only one chapter in) as he is the one who was concentrating on the reward and what if it went wrong. I feel like with the chapter being small in terms of information we are still asking the same questions from the prologue as we still don't know about this creature or person made by the ritual as this is still not clear to us. I have to agree with LanguidLiger on this as well as a back story is necessary at this point early on in the story so we can understand the characters introduced and make the reader be able to either connect with the character through a description or through something that has happened to him in the past.

Now for the positives. I like the introduction of the character at the very beginning of the chapter as he seems to show another side to the cult where someone is doubting the cult and this brings a good aspect of the story which you can now build on but this now has to offer an impact later on as he will be contesting with John and Jack for space in your chapters so you need to be able try and expand this along side the main characters but don't put them growing side by side by just halving chapters. Now that you've introduced him this early on you need to build on his story or get them both sides to clash at some point and then concentrate on one side at a time. I think this introduction would've been better of used in later chapter not the very first one as you've not included enough information about John and Jack and in this chapter you've offered more of an insight to Allen's side than you have for John and Jack. I will still read on with your next chapters but just try and include more information and let the reader be able to understand who the main characters are. You do add a little bit at end which makes you ask a good question about their safety when you then question their own safety your self.

Sorry for a lot of negative. I would like to say good attempt and this can be a great read with your next chapters but it just needs improving first.

I agree with some, disagree with some. Here's the deal. For me, and most writers I should hope, most information should be doled out in dialogue and not in a lot of paragraphs. Back-story is always great, but it doesn't have to be expressed within a set amount of paragraphs. It can be doled out, bit by bit, revealing exciting and interesting new aspects of the characters you're reading about in small amounts. The lack of back-story was intentional, because as the chapters continue, you are only given as much information as you need. Right now you only need to know about the three main characters' connections in the cult. Later on, you will be given plenty of back-story. I have read best-selling novels that reveal almost nothing about their main characters in the first four chapters. It's a device of suspense. Of course, I will include information in paragraphs. As far as why John and Jack were in the forest to summon a creature, that had already been expressed in the prologue. They were there because they were ordered to, and as cult members, they were only told so much. They weren't there because they randomly wandered into the forest, if that's what you were thinking. John's focus on the reward was not making him into a "bad" character. It's supposed to indicate that, although he is loyal to his cult, he expects to be paid in full. Would you not expect some reward if you were forced into a hot, muggy forest to summon a dangerous creature? This notion is important for later chapters. As far as the "creature", I am not sure if you are aware of Lovecraftian works, but sometimes it is more prudent to leave the antagonist a mystery until the end, to build up suspense for both the characters and the readers. What you perceive as a lack of back-story, I perceive as a plot device to keep readers guessing and forming their own conclusions, which is quite a bit better than hand-feeding the respective information. Sorry if this is really long. Normally, I don't feel the need to explain myself. But I thought it would be nice for once if I did.

User avatar
LanguidLiger
Review

I know this story began with a cliffhanger hardyhardyhar, but a backstory more tangible may be nesscesary to set he characters straight in the rreaders mind. I was expecting jack and john to be lead roles given there mentioning in the description. why then, rid us so unceremoniously of thier prescence? Who were Jack and John? I felt like they may have been victims from the start when they held a long standoff with the mysterious haunt in the forrest. Its just the premise of the story is a little muddy. I like the idea of a mans indililendence lost to the ideals of a cult. His soul brought to bear upon the razore of desth for his emvovement in such a sinister society. I like the gist of the story but you may do well to back it up a little better.

Thanks for the review, and I will take what you said into account. Once again, it seems evident that you didn't read the prologue (if you did, my apologies). Besides that, Jack and John are still going to be important characters. Their disappearance is simply part of their ongoing story, it's not a way for me to completely remove them from the story without providing an iota of back-story. The premise of the story, in my opinion, is pretty clear if you read the prologue. Jack and John and Allen are ALL members of the same cult. Jack and John, on one hand, blindly follow the cult elders instructions. Allen, a smarter and more individualistic man, decides to take his life rather than conform. John and Jack (if you have read the prologue, you should know this), are summoning their master (the object of the cult's fascination). Allen is debating whether he should give up, or rise to the challenge and prevent his master from rising and murdering. I understand that, although it may seem clear to me, that would likely be because I'm the one who wrote it and I know what's supposed to be what. I am sorry if this chapter seemed muddled.

Oh i see! Well thats very interesting. I was shortsighted I guess.

User avatar
donizback
Review

Hello Jared, I am here for a review.

I read your story; it was confusing from the beginning but was later nicely written and caught my attention.

I am not that boring to pick up some common typo or punctuation mistakes. I hope someone else will take charge of it.

Something I suggest you to do is to go much more deeper when describing the plot/situation. I was having difficulties making a picture in mind as to what exactly is happening.

I liked the ending though. It is nicely wrapped up and there is suspense!

Overall it is a great effort and I look forward to read the next chapter.

All the very best.

Thanks for the review. I'm not sure if you read the prologue to this chapter, but if you didn't, that would explain some of your confusion.

Oh yeah I didn't. Thanks for telling. I shall reread this once I am done with the prologue :)
Good work mate. Keep writing.



Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi