An Insignificant Speck of Dust

by JaneThermopolis
  • October 26, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

I like getting my anger out through poetry (and stories of course). I hope you enjoy my linguistic fury! -Jane

You're insignificant
On the map of the world spread out for humanity to see.
You're a speck of dust
On this planet of six billion,
Where no one would care
If you thought the Earth was flat,
And fell off the side
And died.
"I'm special."
Pfffffttttt!
You're about as special as
Wal-Mart underwear
That's all yeasty -
YUM!
Do me a favor:
Get your so called life
Out of mine
Por Fabor?
Merci beaucoup!

Comments & reviews · 5
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tigress5674
Review
tigress5674 wrote a review · Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:34 pm

First off, I really liked this poem. I really liked the angry tone of it, and really it was just awesome. So all I have are nitpicks and not really anything that constructive. Sorry. ^^

JaneThermopolis wrote:Por Fabor?


I think you might mean Por Favor here. Probably just a typo.

JaneThermopolis wrote:On the map of the world spread out for humanity to see.


I agree with Calligraphy here that this line is too long. But that's a really easy fix.

However, I disagree about cutting the "Earth is flat" line. That was actually my favorite part, and I think it worked really well. :)

So, basically, this poem was really fantastic and all I found wrong with it were nitpicks. Sorry for not giving a more helpful review. :)

~Tigress

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Calligraphy
Comment
Calligraphy commented · Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:24 am

This is a great place, called Will Review For Food, for asking for reviews. People are begging to review you.

But, the best way to get more reviews is, review, review, and review some more yourself. The more people see you around and the longer you are on the site the more people will review you. XD

A. S.

User avatar
JaneThermopolis
Comment
JaneThermopolis commented · Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:12 am

I hate when I work hard on a poem and I only get one review.
Could I get another? Please?

Random avatar
Calligraphy
Review
Calligraphy wrote a review · Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:02 am

JaneThermopolis wrote:You're insignificant
On the map of the world Because this line is pretty long compared to the others I would make it two lines here. spread out for humanity to see.
You're a speck of dust
On this planet of six billion,
Where no one would care
If you thought the Earth was flat, I don't think you need to have this line. If you fell of the side is enough. This is just un-needed detail.
And fell off the side
And died. You should break this up in a different way because you have said 'and' too much.
"I'm special."
Pfffffttttt!
You're about as special as
Wal-Mart underwear
That's all yeasty -
YUM! Again I think the yeasty part is un-needed detail that could be discarded.


Yeah, this is an awesome poem, and besides my comments I guess I don't have much to say.

Wish I could help you,

A. S.



Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket