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The Taming of The Shrub

by JaneHarvey

Scene I

Shrub: Oh vile day!

Befouled by mine enemy, and that of my father.

He that seeketh to divide mine people

Though divided they already are.

Through air, by land, and by sea

Cometh he in many forms.

And yet, he shall not prevail.

Mine wits are strong and I shall not be

The same coward as mine father

Who lay with mine and his enemy.

(Senior approaches)

Good day, Father! Suggest you not what mine actions should be.

To a decision have I already come.

Senior: Oh good son, wilt thou not listen to me?

My experience outweighs yours;

I know that of which I speak.

Shrub: Thou knowest too well Father, and that is thy problem.

Bin Laden was thy friend, now he is mine enemy,

And thine as well.

Senior: Oh Shrub, woe upon thee!

Thou lacks experience and knowledge of he

That would betray you, given the chance.

And yet, here you give me this sad, ancient tug-of-war dance.

A power struggle between father and son

Unfitting of president of the nation which thou hast just won!

Shrub: Quiet, dear Father, you know not that of which you speak!

My advisors, so dear to me, have told me just what to think!

I will run this country in my own special way

Do not challenge me with your tired, old say.

Senior: If that be how you feel, then perhaps I best be gone.

But I warn thee now:

If thou doth continue down this tangled path

Treachery will destroy you for the knowledge you lack.

Shrub: Goodnight, dear Father, I do bid thee well.

But what will be, only the history books will tell!

(Senior exits)

Shrub: And now, to tomorrow must I go

To tend to my people’s newly found woe.

Scene II

Cheni: Believest thou that this will work?

Such trickery will surely be discovered!

Rum: Thou knowest not our dear leader’s heart

His religious faith hath he down to an art.

Deception will claim him quite quickly indeed

For he knows not but what hast been told to him.

Cheni: Then speak we now, and get it done

Before upon our shadowy faces sets the rising sun

Incriminating us for our loathsome deeds.

May the Shrub never know that we use him as we please!

Rum: Here, come thee now

We’ll speak into this vent

And from the words he hears now, he will never dissent.

Cheni: Aye, then must we indeed.

Shrub, this is God, canst thou hear me?

Shrub: (Voice) Aye, indeed I do, and I am so pleased!

That thou, my holy Lord, would take time for me!

To lead me down my path, and give me direction untainted

By the words of my father, a man quite jaded.

I shall never be he, so tell me now

What I can do to please thee, my Lord; I would make any vow!

Cheni: Thou must wage a great holy war

Against mine enemy Bin Laden and yours.

But stop not there; in fact, forget him.

It is Sadaam Hussein you must fight and win.

Shrub: (Voice) Sadaam Hussein? Who is he?

A minion of Bin Laden’s, no doubt?

Cheni: Think what you wish, and to the people claim

That my words are guiding thee on this holy crusade.

Against Sadaam Hussein, friend to Bin Laden

Who cowers beyond your reach, plotting once more.

And for that will you win the people’s love

And undying fear.

Shrub: (Voice) Oh God, how graciously I thank thee!

For giving to me to the nation’s souls a great key.

I will do as thou sayest, and put Bin Laden aside

To focus on his minion Hussein.

Cheni: Then goest thou to it, and while you are there

Swear blood oaths against mine other enemies.

Let no homosexual marry,

Let no abortions reign.

Silence the masses, if against you they do speak out

With words of my wisdom--spread my words throughout!

Shrub: Oh dear God, shall I heed your commands!

With the great dignity and loyalty thou doth demand.

And fear not that I shall let thee down.

No one shall stir me from the path thou hast for me laid out.

Scene III

Shrub: To my people, I do now proclaim

A society where mine word doth supremely reign.

Soldiers, go thus! To Iraq, go thee

To silence mine--er--thine enemy Hussein, who doth wish to flee!

Bringeth he weapons of mass destruction upon this front

To assist Bin Laden in eliminating us.

Cheni: (Whispered) Speaketh thou more, oh royal Shrub;

Demand of thy people their complete and utter trust.

Shrub: Believe not what thou might hear;

The media doth lie.

In cahoots with the terrorists,

Those liberal liars doth conspire.

Seek only me out and I will give you just advice.

I know what I am doing

And since thou hath elected me

I command thee, trust me now!

Kerry: Oh President Shrub, here’s a question I doth have:

Why goeth we to Iraq

When the enemy is clearly at hand

In the gloomy shadows of Afghanistan?

Shrub: Oh question me not, thou disloyal liberal traitor!

The Lord hath guided me upon this holy quest.

He speaketh to me, and of me doth he demand

Our presence in the bitter, Iraqi sand.

Kerry: But President Shrub, I hath another query--

Shrub: Police, take him away; he makes me grow weary!

(Police drag Kerry away)

Shrub: Now, without interruption, I shall continue.

Question me not; my judgment is sound.

Sadaam Hussein, we will soon impound.

And then will we continue to seek out Bin Laden.

To capture these enemies of the state

Is my most unenvied fate.

Scene IV

Citizen 1: Here continues this war wrought by the President Shrub

Taking lives by the hundreds.

Warriors lost to the sands of foreign lands

Against us do our international brothers ban.

Citizen 2: One year ago did they for us weep and pray

And now instead they search for the day

When come we to our senses

And oust our most vile president, the vengeful Shrub.

Citizen 3: Oh most black day! What news have we

From across the great and barren sea.

Citizen 1: Oh! What now?

More citizens lost?

Citizen 3: Aye, indeed. Spout I this most mournfully:

Another day, another death

Oh, pity on the life of this country!

To cackle at danger and heartlessly fling its troops about

To fulfill only a vengeance

To mark another crusade.

In what century does this man, the Shrub, choose to reign?

Citizen 2: No century but that of medieval times.

Raising hands against those that would counter his ‘Christian values.’

Hah! If that is what morality doth be

Than I would rather immoral be.

Citizen 1: Aye, indeed. Oh dark day in which we live

When this wretched moral counter doth spin

Replacing the words of our forefathers

With the so-called words of God.

But, alas, what God is this?

That would want us to fight and die so?

That would create children and then their livelihoods scorn?

That would prefer suffering to contentment?

This is no God of mine

That the Shrub doth follow and to Him create a shrine.

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93 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 93

Mon Sep 12, 2005 3:49 am
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Ieatworms says...

I couldn't read much of this because the language was so forced.

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683 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:59 pm
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Emma wrote a review...

It is very good, though you have left out two main inporant things.

1st: You must tell us who the characters are and tell the reader a bit about them.

2nd: Put in the setting then stage directions. We need to know what the place looks like.

These two are very important. Or the play can get boring.

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot