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Seeds of Corruption

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The writhing energy shook the akrium case it was in one more time, pressing up against the clear material.

It was definitely alive in some sort of fashion. Naran watched as it finally gave up and just floated back to the center of the case, tendrils of energy reaching out and writhing.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Naran was brought out of his pondering by his co-worker, Pendrake Arendal.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said, 'Beautiful, isn't it?’ ”, Pendrake repeated.

The dark ball of chaos sitting in their lab? Beautiful? It was anything but.

“Not really…”

Pendrake raised an eyebrow, “Naran, don’t you see what this thing is? What its going to do?”

“Yes, Pendrake. Godhood and everything.”

Pendrake chuckled, a deep sound, “Please, Naran, look at it with more...spunk. Not ‘godhood blah blah’, but rather, we will be gods.”

Naran nodded bleakly.

Pendrake laid a hand on his shoulder, “Come, perhaps you will understand once when we get to work. We have much ahead of us…”

Fifteen Months Later

Naran rubbed his eyes and checked his watch again. 1:36 in the morning. He took another sip of coffee, but even that wasn’t going to help much. He was working nearly 20 hours a day, and it wasn’t good for him.

Except...they were so close. Naran could feel it. Him and Pendrake had both stayed up ridiculous hours, studying the Energy and cracking the code. Pendrake was getting the worst of it. His wife had left him only five months ago. Probably because he was spending all his time here, and no matter what Naran said, he wouldn’t take time off. This was the key to everything, he would say. This will save us all, he said.

It did seem to be that way. This energy was unlike anything that had ever even touched Terra. It had the source code of the universe within it.

All Naran had to do was extract it.

He looked wearily up to Pendrake who was standing in front of the containment field, watching the Energy as it inspected its new prison.

Pendrake had claimed that building a larger container would allow them to observe it in a new light or whatever. Naran hadn’t noticed a difference. It just floated like normal.

Naran lowered his eyes to his notes again. They were all jumbled to his blearly mind. Not a good sign.

“Pendrake...I gotta get some sleep.”

Pendrake just stared at the Energy, not looking at Naran, “Yeah...sure…”

Naran ran a hand through his brown hair. Pendrake was doing this more often now. Just staring at the specimen, rather than studying it. Pendrake needed sleep, but he refused it, no matter how large the bags under his weary eyes grew.

“Alright...you should get some sleep too. You look pretty tired.”

Pendrake just shook his head slightly, “No, it….I am close to a breakthrough.”

Naran rolled his eyes, “Pendrake, you haven’t sat at your computer in two days. You aren’t close to a breakthrough, you’re close to a stroke. Stop working yourself so hard.”

Pendrake finally looked at him, but his blue eyes were angry, “Naran, I work myself to the brink of fainting for the sake of humankind. We are weak, helpless creatures in need of rescue. I can give that….that sweet...power...of…” he shook his head, “Perhaps I do need sleep. I will see you tomorrow, Naran.”

Packing his laptop and notebooks into his armbag, Naran gave one last worried glance over his shoulder as he stepped out of the lab and into the elevator.

The Next Day

Naran stepped from the long, white hallway into the elevator, listening to the rain pitter-patter outside. As he waited for a few moments for the door to close, a ragged man entered the elevator. Naran wasn’t one to judge, but clearly this man had been homeless. His clothes were barely acceptable as clothing, and his skin must not have been washed in weeks.

Not saying anything, but breathing through his mouth, Naran just pressed the button for his floor, and waited it out.

The homeless man spoke, “Hey, you a volunteer too?”

“Volunteer?”

The man looked at him quizzically, “Ya know? For science or whatever. Pays its own in food.” He smiled.

“Wait, who hired you?”

“Ehh...I thin’ it were Pendragon...er...Pendrake, that's it.” He nodded.

Naran grew pale. What was Pendrake doing? Hiring homeless people? Volunteers?

“Uh...No, I’m not a volunteer. I’m Naran, Pendrake’s partner.”

The man’s eyes widened a bit with understanding, “Ah! Well, tell your husband I thank him for a job."

"Oh, not partners like th-

The elevator opened, and the man exited, smiling.

“....like that...”

Naran breathed in shakily and, knuckles white on his briefcase handle, entered the lab. It wasn’t that large. The containment room for the Energy, a few desks, some computers and screens and a little room. Where would they…

Five people were lined up against the wall as Pendrake walked along to each one inspecting them, and asking them questions.

What was he doing?!

Naran approached him, placing his hand on Pendrake’s shoulder. Pendrake turned around, a wide grin forming when he saw Naran.

“Naran!”

The bags were still there, and his face looked as exhausted as ever, but his eyes were alight with excitement.

“Pendrake...might I….speak with you? Alone?” Naran said with anger.

The man’s eyes narrowed, “Yes…”

Naran grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the bystanders, who, by the looks of it, were all homeless. Once they were a safe distance away, Naran unleashed his anger.“Pendrake! What do you think you are doing!? Volunteers? What for!? This is a two man job. You and I. We are unlocking the secrets of the universe. What do we need...these people...for?!”

The answer was written all over Pendrake’s face in a half-guilty look.

“Pendrake...what?! You want to subject them to the power of...of that! They're guinea pigs!?” He gestured to the writhing ball of Energy that was curiously enough, examining the two of them. Or maybe Naran was just going crazy.

“Naran. We aren’t progressing. We need to step up experiments.”

Naran stepped back in horror. Pendrake had gone insane. Human experiments? Those were most definitely illegal. Not that the homeless would snitch. Not when Pendrake would give them food and shelter.

“Pendrake…You...what…”

*****

Naran stood by as the first homeless man entered the containment unit. Herbert was his name. A nice old man who never seemed to lose a smile, even though he knew he looked like garbage.

Herbert looked back as the pressure on the door released, giving Pendrake a toothy grin and a thumbs up.

Naran and Pendrake stood in the room watching as the Energy reacted to the door opening. At first the ball shied back, but it cautiously rippled toward Herbert. Naran ground his teeth, and held his clipboard close to his chest.

Nothing happened for a moment. Then Herbert reached out his hand. Naran stepped forward, “Herbert!”

But it seemed fine, the Energy just came closer and observed him.

Then it touched his hand. Herbert looked shocked and surprised for a moment, and everyone gasped. But it was only imitating him.

Imitating him perfectly.

Out of the Energy, a shifting hand had formed and gone into the same position against Herbert's hand. He laughed. The Energy then floated into the corner, seeming to shrink.

Herbert turned and Pendrake opened the door, allowing Herbert into the antechamber.

“Alright...his vitals look normal...his brain is fine...nothing is wrong…” Naran said, reading the scan.

The containment chamber closed and Herbert was disinfected as he re-entered the lab.

“Ha! Easy!”

Naran wasn’t so convinced.

Comments & reviews · 2
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In my opinion, this story revealed a lot about modern day work ethic. Many of us devote ourselves to work to the extent that it makes us corrupt. The contrast between Naran and Pendrake is almost representative of different paths we can take as well. We are forced to wonder; how much ambition is too much? In the meantime, it is easy to love this story as the protagonist is very relatable. He wishes to achieve his dreams however, does not want to cross over into corruption. Dialogue is very intriguing throughout the story and the underlying feeling that something might go wrong creates delicious suspense. I also love the way in which the piece is uniquely organized with bold subtitles. My only advice is to add more description and maybe add a little more about energy itself. A hint of character context or backstory is always appreciated as well. I hope there is more to come about Naran, Pendrake, and their discovery soon!

User avatar
stygianmoon17
Review

hey there !

This was a great little short to read,
I was invested along the way and just loved how things are starting to develop and really, I found it entertaining overall. I hope you write a part two (and maybe three or four) as this has a lot of potential !

So what are the things I feel you should work on ?

To be honest, not much really.
there's a natural flow to your writing, and neither your descriptions or dialogue feel padded out or painful to read, but I think you could work a bit more on the setting.
You see, I can totally visualise each character, but I don't really see where they are. is the room where they are in fashionable ? Or is it old and small ? Is it messy and filled with papers ? Or clean and ordered ?
And what does the life orb look like ? Does each person see something different in "heaven"? And if so, what ?
Those are things you could spend time developing, and just add bits of descriptions here and there to help you.

For a few tips on writing descriptions, think
- five senses (smell, touch, sight,..)
- stylised writing (with sibilance, fricatives, metaphors, personification.. all that u know)
- when describing people, no need to write a shopping list. Focus on what's most noticeable to the POV character/ narrator and that's it ! Also.. DONT FOCUS ON EYES. I swear the number of times I've seen a paragraph about people describing other people's eyes.. and to think there was a time where that was actually creative.. sigh
- no need to write shopping lists. Sometimes it's best to cover what's essential to building a character, like messy hair for a rebellious person or clean but comfortable clothes for a confident person- you know, that kind of thing. Ask yourself, "does this bit of description add anything to the story/ character/ setting/ plot ?" If no, then it's usually best left out

(I know its a bit late but...)
Thank you for the review!
Yeah...thats something I need to get better at. Thanks for the tips too! :D



Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights