Published September 13, 2009
This is my first post and first try at poetry.
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When things seem to be straight
They are crooked
When things seem to be right
They are wrong
When things seem to be pleasing
They are unpleasant
When things seem to be the way they look
They are not.
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It's good for your first poem
I remember my first poem wasn't anyway to the standard of my current ones. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels a bit 'empty'. In the way that it needs to be filled out a little bit. Like Rosey suggested it could use more imagery and emotion. I like how it starts, straight and the crooked, and that many things turn out to be the opposite to they appear, I just feel that it need mroe added to it to make it more grabbing from the start.
It makes sense in a strange way. You know? I'm assuming you do since you wrote this. But I understand it. I think poetry is anything that makes sense you the writer or reader, or like feelings? I'm having problems putting my thoughts to words. That doesn't ever really happen. I just understand this if you know what I mean.
It's good for a first try
--Annee<33
Hiya! I'm Rosey and I'll be your reviewer today.
i don't think I'd call this a poem, more like the outline of a poem. Poems have imagery, emotion, and feelings woven into them. I'm looking at this poem here wondering "why?" for every line. Put in some examples of how life isn't the way it looks, give it a context so readers are left looking at their life in a new light. Right now, the starkness of this poem makes us unaffected by it. Flesh it out so we're left thinking.
PM me with questions.
~Rosey
this is good, however the last line doesn't fit in with the others. It is a straight out contradiction while the others are not. I'm not sure if this is purposfull or not, but it seems like a mistake.