In Sorrowful Night’s Embrace, Where My Dreams Fade Away
Where stars once gleamed, now canvas painted in shades of gray.
The Archaic moon weeps silent tears, mourning the lost,
In ancient echoes, time's river flows, a bridge of frost.
Eerie silence, pierced through my ear, a ghost's whispering fear
World full of scorn, frost and scorch My end is nei yet near
Euphoric Illusions of the enthusiastic past
A fleeting sight: sight of warmth, a sight that never last
The Warm Illusions of the past, slowly disappear,
Disappear to the sea of butterflies, far and near.
Embrace now's moment, liberated from past's remains.
Soar Like a night owl amidst the night, free of its chains
This is the story of not giving up on today
Resonate with the wind, and be one with the sun ray
Now flying, From there it begins, from here it will end
The wings that fulfill them grew on as I have transcend
The breaths grow shallow and silent, voices fade away
This is because I hadn't given up on today
Don’t let the tomorrow be yesterday, light the sky
Light the dark with my starry dream
,let my heart fly high
By: Jaire
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
this is frankly a very beautiful poem. its enthralling. you are able to take a few ideas & run with them in a way thats captivating.
your visual & emotional descriptions here paint such a vivid picture. your poem is very rich in imagery & symbolism. it all ties together nicely, especially with the celestial images combined with the emotional responses. the melancholy is perfectly described & i feel it throughout the entirety of the poem.
the gradual change in the message as the poem goes on is interesting as well. it goes from a sense of sorrow to a sense of hope. the transition from the opening to the uplifting conclusion creates a feeling of progression & personal growth, which pairs nicely with the rest of the poems content. consistency is essential in poetry, but i think this works in your favor.
there are a lot of grammatical errors as the other reviewer said, but id contribute that to issues with translation. the same could be said with any questionable wording in the lines, which is also present. perhaps something to watch out for.
envy
Hello, Jaire!
I overall loved this piece. I think it's up for interpretation, you used a lot of imagery in this poem, and I think that's what makes it versatile!
I do have a couple grammar comments though, maybe this is how you intended the poem's grammar to be, but here are just some quick recommendations so that it looks more appealing and flows smoother.
Let's start with the first line:
I noticed that this first line is the only one with all words capitalized. Was that intended, or accident?
In the sixth line, I think you may have mis-spelled "not?"
Some words that are capitalized in this poem don't need to be, like the words (these are not all of them, just naming a few I saw):
Overall, I love the message in this poem, but just a few tweaks in the grammar would make all the difference! Thanks for sharing!