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Death

by xJade


I'm not a princess.

I wear sweatpants.

I'm not talented.

I can't enchant.

I have a heart that's in pain,

Just mental wounds from another day.

~~~

Soon death will come,

And knock on my door.

Without fear he'll say, 

"Come out and play."

When he's done teasing,

He'll take me away.

~~~

Innocent children,

they have such life.

I was once one,

Now I've almost quit tryin'.

~~~

One day these little pleasures,

They'll fail to satisfy.

While love lasts a moment,

Death will never die.

NOTE: I didn't feel like this when I wrote it. I hope nobody takes offense to this.


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Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:26 pm
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TheMulticoloredCyr wrote a review...



Hey, this is Cyr back to review more of your work. I clearly can't use my usual methods because of how the format of poems just kind disagrees with it, so I'll just skip to my general thoughts. Before I get into that I'll just tell you that I don't really know as much about poetry as I do regular, narrative-style stories. Basically, I barely know what I'm doing, so keep that in mind.

You may want to keep a closer eye on your syllable counts going forward. I know how hard it is to edit a poem, so I don't think that it's worth going through and doing that here, but just be aware of that in the future.

This poem brings to mind, for me, images of isolated images of crowded places, like a cropped image or even a tunnel-vision effect. Death looks more human, for me too, and childlike. that's likely brought on by the line "Come out and play" as being said by death. It all feels like the subject is alone in a place full of people and things, which could be spun as a theme. You could say that when death comes, the worldly people and objects don't matter, but I doubt that was what was on your mind when you wrote this. At least, if it was, it was something more subconscious, "on the backburner" if you will.

Anyway, as I said, I don't typically read, let alone review, poetry, but I'll occasionally give it a shot for the heck of it.

(side note, it's really fun to read this while listening to "I see fire" from that one Hobbit movie, I have no idea why.)

(Also, if you've seen Captain Marvel, you know that Goose is going to defeat Thanos) (that has nothing to do with anything, I just had to spread the word)




xJade says...


Thanks for the review! I'll keep what you said in mind!
(I've heard the news)



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Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:31 am
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CarysT says...



I think it is very nice. I'm more of a descriptive person myself but love your work. P.S The sweatpants thing might be a bit much




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Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:31 am
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CarysT says...



I think it is very nice. I'm more of a descriptive person myself but love your work. P.S The sweatpants thing might be a bit much




xJade says...


Thanks



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Thu Mar 14, 2019 10:53 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



Hey Jade!!

Its amazing!

I'm not sure if it would be considered a poem though. Try to put some similes in it, maybe it will help. The words you used really bring it out. I feel you have a great talent in writing. All your work seems so amazing (JELLY) lol. The grammar is okay but there is a few mistakes in it. Either than that it is great.

Keep it up!

Your friend Anma




xJade says...


Thank you for the review! :) <3



Anma says...


And a star lol) no problem



xJade says...


Two shiny stars! GG!



Anma says...


Very*



xJade says...


Lol congrats Ann!



Anma says...


Thanks



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Thu Mar 14, 2019 10:47 pm
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FireSpyGirl says...



This is so great!




xJade says...


Thanks!




To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg