I watch you leave
I watch you return
I try to leave
but then it burns
They say love hurts
it's true you know
how you hurt me
and I lie to you
And yet we know it's still not through
Every obstacle brings on new
we either win we either lose
and yet we refuse to think our love is anything but true.
You leave
You come back
You make me glad
and then i'm mad
I guess we will never know what the future holds
Love hurts so it is told
we already know it though.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,823 Reviews
Thanks i'll try to do better. Haha we had to go through a poem unit in school and we had to like figure these really really REALLY hard poems and not a single person enjoyed it.
I don't know about the rest of the world, but I like poems that are short, sweet and to the point. Normally, when I read poems I'm spending 20 minuets just trying to figure out what it's saying. I enjoyed yours because I knew what it was saying. But, you can spice it up a little bit, by trying to use words other than mad or sad. It'll mean the same thing, but it will look more appealing to the reader. But, every girl has gone through a tough break-up, and reading this poem really screams "I know how you feel." Which, chances are, you do.
I know it was my first ill try to do better next time
Unfortunately, I know exactly how the narrator is feeling.
Anyway, there are a few things that I didn't really care for in this. The sentences seemed a bit awkward, as well as the rhyme scheme. The rhyme scheme seems to go off and on. Like, your first stanza, it's there. The second, it's not. The third, it's stretched. You need to keep a good rhythm, especially if you're going to rhyme.
Grammar mistake time!
Capitalization. (;
That's pretty much it. It's good, but I couldn't catch a rhythm. The rhyme scheme is a little weird. But you got your point across pretty great.