Born To Die

This is a great poem, but it needs a little spiffing up, grammar-wise.

End of the first line, comma
End of the second line, question mark
Second line, you need spaces after the commas, and a question mark at the end
Third line, comma or question mark, either works
Fourth line, "lost" isn't an object, so you can't really "have" it. Maybe "loss" instead? And a question mark at the end
End of fifth line, comma/question mark
Sixth, comma between "souls" and the second "to", maybe "all our good", question mark
Seventh, comma/period, possibly a dash, but if you'd have to remove the "So" from the next line for it to make sense
Eighth, question mark/comma
Ninth line is a bit long, you might want to say "a sinful heart" instead to shorten it up a bit, and add a question mark
Tenth line needs a period

Sorry to sound so critical. I hope this makes sense and it's not just me being a perfectionist. Like I said, it's a great poem. Have fun, and keep writing!

Dragon here,

First off welcome and hope you have fun
okay my review

I understand where your coming from, Right from the heart,
If thats what your doing or not,
but i seem to feel like im drawn to this as it is really good,
It's well witten and a very good try as well

Don't worry not going to say anything bad or for that matter and mistakes or how to improve no but i will say this
Congrats you got my like and also keep going your doing an amazing job Feel free to follow me as i will be following you
Remember to have fun and to stay happy

And look i make mistakes too
sea what i did there?
haha have fun

Well well well, Welcome to YWS! Perfect day to join Im SecreteJournalist, but feel free to call me Brie! Now.. on to the review!

This is definitely a blank/free verse poem. What I don't see, is full sentences. You capitalize every line, and then there is no periods to break this up. I will review this the best I can, having stated that.

Have you ever thought;

why do we live?

I am just spacing this out so I can show you how to fix the second line, trust me, I am not breaking it up into stanzas. I uncapitalized the 'w' and then added a question mark at the end of the line.

Is it just to hurt, breath, love, hate, bleed?

I spaced the commas out, then added a question mark.

Are we born to die?

I added a question mark.

Just to have the pain and hurt and lost while living

or are we born just to have the feeling of living?

I am gonna stop really explaining things, I am just kinda gonna show some corrections that you may choose to use.

Just to sin away our souls to sin away our good

but it is said that we are all born in sin.

This last line here kinda confuses me, it would be better if you explained it more.

So does it matter how much good we do in this world

or can we make up for that fact that we are all born with a heart full of sin?

You say this a lot. Sin. Try using different vocabulary occasionally.

I think we are all born to die.

Overall, I liked this poem, I just want to help out with the format and possibal choice words. I like the main idea, and with some fixing up, this poem will be perfect!

Great work, keep writing!

SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie