Published March 9, 2011
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139,665 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
I like the repetition of
at the beginning and at the end of the poem.
However, I suggest that you break the third line up into two separate ones.
Apart from that, I like the poem
Firstly, I'd fix up the formatting. It's a lot easier to read when you don't have a space between every line.
Now. My main problem lies with the first stanza. See, you set the reader up to expect a rhyme scheme, and then when you move on to the second stanza, it sounds really strange, since I'm thinking you're going to continue with the rhyming.
Hope this was helpful.
-Kafka
I really like this simplistic piece of poetry
The way it flows and the structure of it is quite sweet. It brings images and once reading it I couldn't help but recall some of my past memories if I'm honest, fun times!
Its truly something simply beautiful.
Also I know this doesn't really relate to the poem but I have your Avatar as one of my backgrounds on my laptop
Anyway. Well done! I look forward to reading more.