Published September 25, 2012
It was 11am on another Sunday morning when Sam woke up, his eyes flickering open as he lazily pulled apart the curtains. Downstairs he could hear people talking. It irritated him. It took a further fifteen minutes for him to get out of the bed. Stumbling down the stairs, he could see his dad talking to another one of his mates, but was too shy to speak to them.
“Look, there’s the lad!” said Sam’s dad.
“Jesus’, he ain’t ‘alf grown, an’ he?” replied the other.
“Come here son, this is Bill, Bill Harris; we’ve known each other since…”
“Been a while, Jack.”
“Well yeah, shake his hand then.”
Sam hesitantly put his arm out.
“Good to meet you, Sam, Christ, he has a firm grip dun’ he? I last met you when you about knee high, you must be about Fifteen? Sixteen?”
“Seventeen”, Sam responded.
“Yeah, yeah, been a while, yeah, your dad’s spoken all about you”.
“Oh really, all good I hope?”
“Ha-ha, well…ha-ha…”
Bill had trailed off. There was a brief awkward silence, as all three of them were either too hesitant or just couldn’t be asked.
“Well I’ll just go and wash, nice meeting you”.
“Yeah, you too”.
Bill turned to Jack, with a wry smile on his face, but spoke softly now.
“So what’s the deal with him? Any problems?”
“Well, you know, he’s a nice boy and all that, but you know, the light’s are on but nobody’s listening”, Jack said humorously.
Both of them chucked slightly.
“…and of course Sarah wants to him to get a job now, she keeps banging on at him, and I’m like, shut the fuck up woman!”
Bill gave a croaky giggle, under his breath.
“Well If It’s a job he’s looking for; I might know a mate who can perhaps, you know, give him some help?”
“Err, yeah, I mean, where does this mate work at?”
“Garden centre.”
“Ha-ha, really, well I’ll talk to Sarah about It, she what she thinks, no promises mind.”
“She’ll say ‘yes’, trust me.”
“You think so.”
“I know so.”
“Ha-ha-ha, ok big man, I suppose you’ll be going soon, then?”
“You supposed right, got to hurry if I want to get to this guy about Sam.”
“It’s open today!”
“They’re open all days, mate, It’s not like they’re packed to the rafters with people, after all.”
“Well he’ll like it, then.”
“Deffo, well I’ll be off, bye then.”
“Yeah bye, you can see yourself out.”
“Yep, see ya Sam”, he talked through the door.
“Yeah bye, see you later”, replied Sam.
The door closed, and Bill drove away.
It was later that day when Sam was wandering around the garden, just staring at random objects that he just happened to see, perhaps even going on the old swing to liven things up a bit. Jack was looking at him through the back window in the kitchen, when Sarah came in.
“Hi love”.
She kissed him softly on the cheek.
“Hey”.
“What are you looking at?”
“What do you think? Our ‘son’ out there?”
“It’s just his thing, you know, It’s normal at his age”.
“What staring at birds looking like a complete retard? Oh yeah that’s normal, all right!”
“JACK! Don’t talk about our son like that”.
Jack had tensed up, but still stood strong; so to say he still stood by what he said.
“…anyway It’ll all be better once he gets a job.”
“Yeah, yeah, oh yeah that reminds me, I, err, saw Bill earlier.”
“WHAT! What you doin’ go seeing Bill for?”
“I didn’t go seeing him, he came here”.
“Oh, ok, and that makes it better, does It? Did he speak to Sam then?”
“Well, I think since he lives here that’s to be guaranteed, isn’t it?”
“Listen Jack! I don’t want him here, I don’t want him near my son, and I want him OUT OF SIGHT! Do you hear me?”
“Yes, yes, but don’t worry, It’s ok, he thinks he may have a job for him, how’s that?”
“What!? You’re joking, right? What is this new job then? Rent boy? Drug dealer? Toilet cleaner!?”
“Love, it’s ok, it’s only a garden centre, ha-ha.”
“Bill Harris. Garden centre. Hmm, those two just don’t go together somehow.”
“Well it’s a job, isn’t it? So that’s a ‘yes’ then?”
“No Jack! And go tell him that.”
“Ok Susan, but don’t blame me when your son ends up wiping shit off public toilets.”
Jack walked off; Susan just froze, hugging herself.
“He’s your fucking son, too, Jack.”
Even Sam could hear his parents, even through the triple glazing.
It was late afternoon when Susan was in the spare room, watching The Real Housewives of Orange County, whilst gorging on Celebrations, she was trying to go on a diet too! In the hallway, Jack rung Bill, albeit with regret. The phone dialed, and Bill naturally answered.
“Hello, It’s Jack.”
“Jack!?”, Bill said in a rushed, panicky tone, “What is it?”
“It’s Susan, it looks like she’s not going with your garden centre idea”.
Jack spoke with a humorous yet shaky voice.
“Ahhh, hmm…”, Bill was sounding stressed, more so by the second, “…well that is a shame, I mean, hmm, why don’t you, erm, keep It a secret, you know, carry on with it, she doesn’t have to know?.”
“It sounds like you don’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer? I mean she’ll figure out something’s going on when he’s leaving the house every day.”
“Look, it’s not going to last forever. Just make an excuse, like, he’s finally found some friends at last and wants more independence, you know, shit like that.”
Jack started to speak quieter now, “Well I could? I’ll talk to Sam about it.”
“Ok, but give me an answer soon, this guy ain’t gonna wait forever.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Good, I’ll call again in about a week’s time.”
“A week!?”
“Yeah, we’re completely snowed under at the office right now, so much paperwork, you know, business to take care of and that?”
“Oh yeah, sure, bye then.”
“Bye.”, the call went dead.
Sam was still sitting on the swing; he would just potter in and out of the house, watch a bit of TV, eat junk, and then go outside again. He was alone. Jack walked into the garden and sat on the swing next to him.
“Hi, how’s it going?”
“Ok.”
“Good, good.”
“What’s this about, dad?”
“Erm, well, ha-ha, me and your mum have had a bit of a falling out…”
“Yeah I heard.”
“…yeah well anyway you know how you want a job?”
“Not really, that’s mum…”
“Ok well you see I think I may have found a job for you, but the thing is your mum thinks it’s the wrong job.”
Jack turned to Sam, expecting him to question him. He only stared back, so to say what it was without him having to ask.
“A garden centre.”
“Mum doesn’t want me working…at a garden centre?”
“Yeah well it’s not so much the job, it’s the man getting you it, you know Bill, right?”
“Err, yeah, why? What’s he done?”
“Oh, nothing, really, just few years’ back he mixed with some wrong people and, you know what your mum’s like? She blew it way out of proportion, nothing to worry about.”
“Oh ok, a garden centre though!”
“Yeah I know, but Bill’s a good bloke, he’ll show you a good time, eh?”
Sam then mumbled more than talked.
“Suppose, what about mum?”
“Our little secret.”
“Yeah, ok then.”
“Really!? Err, ok then, thought you’d give up more of a fight.”
“Well there’s nothing much else to do, is there?”
“No, guess not, well I’ll ring him up then, but don’t tell mum, ok!?”
Sam sighed, “Ok.”
Jack called Bill, but went upstairs this time to make sure Susan couldn’t hear. The phone rang, and Jack felt strangely nervous, even though this was a friend he had known all his life.
“Yeah?”
“It’s Jack again, err, Sam’s in.”
“Oh ok, great, ha-ha, told you.”
“Yeah, you sound a bit tired.”
“Lot of paperwork and sorting out stuff, and you know…? On a Sunday too! Typical, my bosses need to make up for shortage of staff in the week so they call me in!”
“Oooo, sorry mate.”
“It’s ok, pick him up tomorrow?”
“TOMORROW!? Bit short notice, ‘innit?”
“Well he said yes, why not?”
“What about Susan?”
“Don’t worry about her; she’s not important at the moment.”
“Well, ok, tomorrow, after school?”
“Well yeah, don’t worry; he shouldn’t be gone for long, few hours.”
Jack breathed in and out heavily now, “Yeah ok, bye.” He put the phone down and went back outside to tell Sam.
Sam returned home the next day, and waited in his room, not talking, not even to say ‘hi’, but just stared at the ceiling, motionless. It was pointless trying to find out what he was thinking, he would never tell. It was about an hour when Bill’s car past the house, but only Sam noticed. It stopped down the road.
“Dad”, he said.
“What?”
“Look.”
Bill got out of the car, but just waited by the corner, not daring to come into view of the house.
“What the fuck does he think he’s doing, shit, come on, quick.”
Sam and Jack quickly ran down the road to Bill’s car.
“What do you think you’re doing? Why park here?”
“Well we don’t want your missus finding us out, do we, where is she by the way?”
“In the garden, look, I’ve told her the kid’s out with mates, so make sure he’s back by half seven at the latest, yeah?”
“Don’t worry, Sam’s going to have a great time, ‘ain’t ‘ya, eh, eh?”
Bill rubbed Sam’s head hardly. Sam gave a weak smile. Jack walked off, after exchanging glances with the other two.
“Right, let’s go.”
They got in the car, and drove off, when Sam just noticed the person in the back.
“Eh, who’s he!?”
“Mi…”
“Minty”, replied Bill, “…just a mate.”
Sam felt uncomfortable, until Bill spoke up again.
“Look, kid, err, you’re not going gardening.”
“What! But dad said…”
“Yeah well there’s stuff your dad doesn’t know about, there’s people we work for…”
“Bad people?! Dad told me about that.”
“No, well not really, they know how to sort people out, but they’re ok, you know, just don’t go shouting your mouth off, ha-ha.”
“Why are you doing this? What do you want with me? I want to go home, NOW!
“Proper fuckin’ loudmouth, this one, eh Furtive, eh?, spoke Minty.
“Shut it! Look, kid, we’re in deep shit, we need people, quick, our boss is planning another job and we’ve only us two to do it.”
“What job? Why do you want me?”
“Look, you probably know by now we’re not your ordinary office workers, we needed you ‘cause we knew you had nothing to lose, no friends, nothing, we need a young pair of hands anyway, and we need more people, quick!”
Sam was panicking.
“What if I say no?”
“Trust me, that’s not an option.”
“Fuckin-a.”
“Minty, if you speak one more time…”
Suddenly Sam leered over to the wheel quickly, and forced the car off the road. Bill then got out of the car in a fit of fury and pulled Sam out.
“Right! You want to fuck with us, DO YOU!?”, Bill shouted at Sam, “You don’t get it, do you? You’re coming with us, alive or beaten to a pulp, whatever, it’s fine with us, I don’t care if I’ve known your dad since primary, you’re one of us ‘naa, now get in the fuckin’ car and SHUT IT!”
Sam done what he was asked and the car drove away, again.
What was actually half an hour seemed like hours to Sam, who had calmed down somewhat but was still wary. The other two were silent too, just wanting the ‘job’ over. The car interweaved the vast mosaic of back streets and one way roads, as the suburbs of ‘the big city’ gave way to the high rise buildings and business districts. Time went on and soon enough the warm light of the sun turned a harsh darkness as it smashed against the forbidding frames of the office buildings and luxury hotels. It was here that amongst this hive of corrupt businessmen and naïve wannabes was a lone neglected structure four floors up that would have once looked over the river, but was now hidden behind a maze of alleyways and nightclubs, a crooked shell that looked sucked of life. The car struggled to maneuver through the one narrow dingy pathway that led to it, and the three struggled even harder to get out. Bill and Minty forced Sam into the building, through the crumbling doorway with no windows, and into a grimy lift that was situated directly in the middle of the bottom floor main room, which was so dimly lit you could hardly make out the four walls that enclosed it. The lift was cramped and uncomfortable, and could barely hold the three people. Sam struggled to breathe. Just as the doors were about to close, two Chinese men came in at the last second. They were both smartly clothed and must’ve been in their fifties at least, with both of them wearing big circular glasses. The lift bucked under so much weight, and everyone concerned remained silent throughout, until the two Chinese men got off at the second floor, into what looked like another dimly lit room, with only one flickering light bulb to distinguish any objects. The doors closed once again before Sam could see anything in it, and the lift kept moving. The silence was broken when Bill stammered to Sam “You know, err, back there, in the car, I, well, you know, went a bit, err, over the top, so…”
Before Bill could speak further, the lift doors opened for the last time onto what was the top floor, and all three stepped out.
The top floor was, unlike the others, brightly lit, with no wooden floorboards, but an entirely concrete frame, like brand new but unfinished. It was also the only place in the building that you could view any of the river at all. Sam nervously stepped out, and instantly saw a man hunched back in his black, leather chair in the middle of the room (a big room at that too). There was also a desk with some stationary on it, a late nineties’ computer, and a picture of a woman and child. A big, broad man stood to the side of the ‘desk guy’, with his arms crossed and dressed completely in black, looking sternly to the wall. The ‘desk guy’ stared at Bill. He was getting on, a sixty something probably, but with a fierce look about him, his hair, of what was left, was combed back with shiny grease, but was no where near frail. He too had a big build that affirmed a certain authority. The ‘desk guy’ continued to stare at a now sweating Bill, before he softly hissed “Yes!?”
Bill looked back for a few seconds before answering.
“We’ve got someone.”
“Well that’s very good, Furtive, I’m genuinely fucking pleased.”, strained the ‘desk guy’.
“Yes, and, ‘erm, here he is.”, said Bill, almost mumbling now.
“Furtive…” ‘Desk guy’ paused as he leaned over, “…do I look like I give a fuck.”
“I thought…”
“Answer me.”
“No.”
“Well bravo…” He slowly clapped mockingly at them “…I sent you to get a job done; how you do it and who you get is entirely the fuck up to you, as long as you don’t fuck it up, and I’m not going to fuck up on this, Furtive, my balls are in your hands on this one, and I don’t want to be the one getting dragged under when you’re getting sliced by a chainsaw in an abandoned warehouse, UNDERSTAND!? Now please fuck off, Raymond here will check up on you tomorrow.”
The three of them rushed back to the lift and the doors closed. Sam didn’t know what he had just seen or heard but he knew it was something bad, that he now couldn’t escape from. He shook violently. He looked at the other two, their eyes weighed under by constant insomnia, and he recognized the empty existence that they lived, but he didn’t feel sorry for them. He was scared, more than ever now. Cold transpiration dripped off his nose to the once shiny but now very mucky panel below him, He stared down at it and waited for those doors to re-open again, to be let out.
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Hey Robert,
You've been waiting a long time for a review and here it is... It may be brief because I'm currently doing it in IT class.
One thing i noticed straight away was the length, many people scroll along the work to see how long it is and unfortunately this is and exceedingly long chapter, you should have gone for a short introduction like I did with my story 'The Devilliyn Marsh'... Most chapters are about 300 words long but yours is over 500.
Anyway as i was saying. Your first chapter is too long, the first chapter should be around 300 - 400 words long, you have 2,784 words well over 500 don't know why i used that as an estimate... It also contains WAY too much speech, you need to describe the setting more than speech in any book, if the stage for a play isn't set the actors can't act correctly can they. It needs to be as if you as the reader are there witnessing the events taking place first hand.
I also got confused during the speech, it was very jumpy in places as if you made it up as you weant along...
Your vocabulary is also very linear, you used the same word too much, you missed puntuation and the story didn't grasp me AT ALL!!!
summary because I'm getting bored now:
Less words
Less speech in chapter 1
More description
Different vocabulary
Triple check everything
Make the story more grasping please because it got boring at the end.
Regards,
WartyFingleBlaster
Chongbang Inc.
200 'Iowntheworldnow' road
(we don't dictate, we murder... and pleasure girls because punaba is the lord of the world) P.S. Personal joke lads and ladies no need to worry.
*Went... Sorry about that
*sigh* again... I'm back...
Your vocabulary is also very linear, you used the same word too much, you missed puntuation and the story didn't grasp me AT ALL!!!
summary because I'm getting bored now:
Less words
Less speech in chapter 1
More description
Different vocabulary
Triple check everything
Make the story more grasping please because it got boring at the end.
Regards,
WartyFingleBlaster
Chongbang Inc.
200 'Iowntheworldnow' road
(we don't dictate, we murder... and pleasure girls because punaba is the lord of the world) P.S. Personal joke lads and ladies no need to worry.
I'm back for more, now in science
Anyway as i was saying. Your first chapter is too long, the first chapter should be around 300 - 400 words long, you have 2,784 words well over 500 don't know why i used that as an estimate... It also contains WAY too much speech, you need to describe the setting more than speech in any book, if the stage for a play isn't set the actors can't act correctly can they. It needs to be as if you as the reader are there witnessing the events taking place first hand.
I also got confused during the speech, it was very jumpy in places as if you made it up as you weant along... end of science, be right back XD
Hey Robert,
You've been waiting a long time for a review and here it is... It may be brief because I'm currently doing it in IT class.
One thing i noticed straight away was the length, many people scroll along the work to see how long it is and unfortunately this is and exceedingly long chapter, you should have gone for a short introduction like I did with my story 'The Devilliyn Marsh'... Most chapters are about 300 words long but yours is over 500... I'll finish later, lesson's finished...