Published October 12, 2007
There I stand on the earth and land
Switching my feet in the dirt and sand,
There I see you and think I will beat you
But it doesn't matter since I didn't meet you
I look away and try not to say,
This isn't the game for you to play
You're disappointed and really annoyed
Cause it's never much fun to know you've been toyed
Who wants loads of toddlers?
Who wants whiny coddlers?
You're a joke in our eyes
But I still sympathize
But you've got to go
Because you should know
We'll be here tomorrow
From day to night's glow
So I know that you'll stay
Sit right there all day
So I can go tap you
Or maybe just smack you
You thought it'd be easy?
Tagging kids till they're queasy?
But you're still in delight
For forty bucks, right?
Either way, it's assured
Double-checked and inferred,
If this time's not your hit
I'll still say YOU'RE IT!
______________
I know, but…Comments would be nice. This is from a dare to write a poem (I can’t write one for my life)
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141,750 Literary Works • 675,678 Reviews
Okay, I understood this
Some kids are playing tag right?
It was kind of confusing in the beginning but it got clearer towards the end.
My overall impression of this was that you wrote it really well and the rhyming was good. The only thing I think you should change would be to try and clear it up in the beginning about what you are actually talking about. I might be WAY off on the whole "playing tag" thing but that's my only guess I have.
That's all I can think of for advise at the moment! Hope it helps
Ok I really couldn't figure out what this was meant to be at all. In the beginning I had an image coming to me but then as I got farther down I got really confused and the image kind of shattered. I think you need to work on expressing your point a bit more, but make sure you do it in a way that paints out a picture for the reader. And try not to swing out and mess with the main point. It confuses people.
Good Luck!
Lots O' Liv,
Lindsay
Well I didn't really get the theme of the poem Am my dearest friend. But it flowed extremely well usually when a read a poem of this lengthn I've got to concentrate real hard to pay attention. And you certainly do draw the reader in. Good Job!
!
So yeah maybe its just me but you don't have any theme or any main motifs going on in this poem so think on that if it makes sense bye!!!!
~@_@~...............
p.s.- Hi again! Just wanted to say my furture husbands home coming crown was NOT ugly...especially when he wears it lol.