Blood River

Wow...this is the best story I have EVER read. xD! But now time for me to review it semi-seriously.

The assassin crouched in a field where the moon was bright and wolves cried in the distance.

Then a hot guy walked by and he was like, "OMG! Can I have ur #?" and he was like "Sure."

And then the wolf tore apart his flesh, and the blood spilled across the grass and Edward from Twilight came out and drank it all up. The end.

i was a little confused at the beginning. are there people talking about the movie, or if not, i am confused at the random outbursts in the scene. the story is a little short for a chapter or a prologue/epilogue. i am not clear on what is happening in the story. please elaborate and i will reread.

this piece was funny! I enjoyed reading it. It was short and random, just the kind of thing that puts a smile on someone's face, or a laugh bursting to erupt out of their chest. The way you did the dialogue, it was like I was reading an Instant Message, it made it kind of enjoyable to me

I liked it though, it was funny. You based it off of Twilight, as I saw. When I saw "Edward" and the "werewolf" it made me smile, because it was so random. Although, it kind of made werewolves seem really violent, as Jacob is opposite, but I loved it!

Randomness is the best policy =P

LOL! I just got back from being AWOL and came here from a critique on one of my stories...But that has to be the most amusing thing I've read for a long time!

Erm... am I missing something? Did you delete something? Was this a joke or what? I mean... you are a great writer and just... what?!

...

I'm appalled that this has been misunderstood by so many writers.

...

Clearly this is a piece of symbolic writing. I'd love to show this to my English teacher! It's very clever in it's subtlety so I'll share it with you!

What this story really means:

Clearly, the assassin represents humanity in the Garden of Eden. Obviously it's an allusion to the Bible and is emphasising the spiritual and religious side of the assassin.

Next, the moon is introduced. This is a bright light shining on the assassin and could be showing how God's full favour is still with humanity. The wolves in the distance are clearly hinting at trouble ahead in the story!

The "hot guy" has to represent temptation and is a modern version of the apple from the tree of knowledge. The assassin betrays his lust for knowledge when he asks the "hot guy" for his number, and this transfer of knowledge is the point when Adam and Eve eat the apple.

Of course, the wolves (if you remember, they were the trouble ahead for humans!) strike and humanity is damned! Naturally, the blood staining the grass is depicting the horrific corruption that has happened in the Garden of Eden, and is also the time when humans were cursed with pain and suffering.

Finally, "Edward from Twilight" is a representation of God and, when he symbolically drinks the blood, it shows he is taking responsibility and is purifying the Garden of Eden once more.

The reason "The end" has not got a capital "End" and is not set apart from the rest of the story is for dramatic irony. Clearly, it is not the end for humans and so the writer made this obvious to the reader!



Overall

To be honest, I don't know why I spent so much time critiquing this! You clearly have such a deep understanding of the theme you are writing for so I don't think a critique by me would help in the slightest! Well done to you, and please do correct me if I've misinterpreted any of your writing!

I would hate to have gone barking up the wrong tree...

Charlie

I do hope I haven't insulted any Christians! This post is the result of a sugar rush, and in no way bears any resemblance to how I really feel about this story. Don't hurt me! :p

[EDIT] Nice try Sureal, but I felt there was more I could say [/EDIT]

Literature at its finest. You're really pushing the boundaries of the art form.

Your experimentation and use of new, radical techniques is truly inspiring. The inclusion of 'OMG' and '#' gives the story an air of the post-modern. The non-sequitors in the narrative plot were a real risk, but I don't think I've ever seen it carried off quite as impressively as in this, and you’ve managed to capture the true chaos of reality in a manner I have never before seen. You’re use of another author’s character was, again, a risk you took, and, again, it paid off in full; you managed to bridge the canyon between Literatures, and successfully linked your story with the dark, secret desires of countless pubescent girls.

And you did all this in a single paragraph. You, my dear girl, are the very epitome of the Genius. My hat goes off to you.

-- Sureal

This sucks, to be perfectly honest with you. Not much character development, and where did that wolf come from? Who was the assassin trying to kill? What's up with the weird crossover with Twilight?

Not impressed.

Prokaryote

Uh... what?

Did I miss something or is this the entire story? If it is that was really awkward.

This is a really weird piece and it makes no sense whatsoever! You need to make it longer, the Edward Cullens part (although he wicked hot) can go and I think there were a couple of type-os you made.

lol nice job, although a little more would have been nice

First reaction: Huh?
Second reaction: *rereads*
Third reaction: Ha!
Fourth reaction: *Laughs uncontrollably... pauses... laughs uncontrollably again*

I loved it. I thought it was really funny. Just one question, which guy did the wolf tear apart? The assassin or the hot guys?

YAY EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here I was, going to bookmark some of Jabber's work so I could give her a nice critique when I ran out of homework...

lol! A little confusing at first, but I love the ending. XD Edward!

O M G. You are like the greatest evah!

You rule, if only for the blood and the drinking and the # and the...




*Courtesy of SPEW*

Hmmm... you have a good idea here, but it's lacking life and proper character.

*suppresses a giggle*

Bwahahahahaha!

Rofl, Jabber. Amazing. Deserving of a Newberry Medal and the SUPER AWESOME STORY award which I just made up six seconds ago.

[/ramble]

Lovely. Truly lovely.

-Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

..... So they're both guys? And one asked for the others number? Weird.

"OMG! Can I have ur #?"

And then the wolf tore apart his flesh,

Then a hot guy walked by and he was like, "OMG! Can I have ur #?" and he was like "Sure."

and then the wolf tore apart his flesh

Edward from Twilight