Published November 4, 2011
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Cataclysm
Time was always an elusive foe, even from the Beginning. I spent many moments – like a comet’s tail tearing through the cosmos – chasing it - never looking back at my path of destruction.
I ignored the signs, like gravitational pulls, that threatened my dreadfully direct course. Ineptness entrenched in the entropically evolving ethos of culture, an evocative explosion of ecstasy defining my existence and a plethora of paradox that rent the very foundation of my beliefs.
I am the mind. If so, I am a prisoner – whether to the very thing I chase with fervour, or to the cast and mould set well before my eyes drank crafted light. (Much like the fixed path of that cosmic symbol).
I am the heart - a pulsing organ, dripping fallacies, tautologies and illusionary iridescence. The mind, too an illusion, as is all I have made.
I fiddle with fancies, toy with trivialities, and claim correspondence with cumbersome certainties. The truth is one such cert with which I wrestle, though truly, my only struggle is the very pursuit I preach – time.
I am a deity, a force, an answer – but only to the question that I pose. Purpose is pursued, meaning is mused and time is taken. And so the ultimate foe gains more distance, while I - the “victor” – stand over my effort and swell with self-importance. No audience to cheer.
Inevitable is the End, and no redemption will I earn. “I” am humanity, and “It” is only a matter of time.
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That's good for you...as long as you're happy with it, I guess thats the most important thing! Good luck!
Thanks Amelia!
I know, i know - as I was writing it i'm just like "keep cramming ambiguous things in there" and really it ties with what I was trying to convey. I don't know about the Jane Austen thing, but yes "flabberghast" is a fair word. I just thought, considering the short word limit, why not cram a really broad theme in there and see how it turns out. I was hoping its ambiguity would reflect the scope of issues surrounding humanity - where its going, where it is now, and whether any of it matters.
Even if i could resubmit a different version, I wouldn't. I''m happy with how it turned out, and I'm not sure I'm glad you got bored, but hey I had a blast writing it.
Hi, JSon, I'm here to review for you today!
So, I kind of get what you were going for here; you were trying to flaberghast your reader with an incredibly intricate, deeply philosophical piece. You could probably give Jane Austen a run from her money...
You obviously have a very extensive vocabulary, but I think you've overdone things just a little bit here. It was far too wordy, and your prose is completely OTT. It doesn't read well, and I quite frankly got bored.
When I first joined this site, I wasn't too dissimilar; I packed my stories full of purple prose, but soon learned that less is more.
Philosophical pieces should be very emotive; they should touch the reader deep down. Often they are the type of pieces which stick in the reader's memory long after they have been read; this short story, however, will not, I'm sorry to say. Maybe I'd just don't get 'it', but your story was a little bit confusing. I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest.
If this is for a contest, I would advise you to rework this entire piece; start again and rethink it all. I know this probably wasn't that helpful, but I hope you take my advice my board.
And, It's not you; I'm just as critical with everybody else!
Have a good day
Amelia