Hi there! This is an entry into the Flash Fiction contest, by tnme22.
A scruffy man in plaid golf shorts and a tweed coat sat down on the streetcorner, looking dejected. Resting his head in his hands, he sighed, glancing at the busy sidewalks. All those people, he thought, but no suckers. He glanced at the threadbare Cleveland Indian’s cap at his feet, nearly empty except for a few dimes and a quarter. If there’s a sucker born every minute, then where’s my Ferrari? He got up with a slight groan, stretching his arms above his head, to the petrified stares of passers by. He yawned and straightened his cardboard sign, on which was scrawled in black permanent marker: Family Kidnapped By Ninjas—Need Ransom. Someone behind him giggled. He turned. A slight woman with blonde hair smiled shyly, dropping a five dollar bill into the hat. She turned and walked away. Sucker. He grinned, showing his blackened stubs of teeth. A woman in a passing car gagged.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,747 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a hilarious little piece here. I wasn't expecting much from a title like that given how this appears to be a rather short piece of flash fiction, but I ended up absolutely loving it. Someone using a fake sign like that get money is a far more entertaining way of using this and I think it makes for a perfect thing to include in a tiny scene like this.
I love the way that you explain to us how this person is very clearly actively waiting for those who would be gullible enough to fall into this and how this person straight up seems to smile at the sight of someone who actually believed at thought to be kind. Its an interesting conundrum because we can see this man clearly exploiting people and perhaps even enjoying and feeling proud of having done that but the description to follow there seems to suggest that perhaps this person does in fact need the money after all because the doesn't seem to be terribly well off.
I really like the dilemma it creates though because you end up being stuck between feeling sorry for this person and being mad at this person in the best of ways through the emotions on display here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I like this very much. It had a nice flow, the man himself is very believable. I actually saw someone holding a sign similar to that one. If you're submitting this for NaNo, please send it to me, I'd love to read/review it. You have a very good chance of winning this contest.
Nice. You should definetely use this as a NaNoWriMo.
The only problem I saw was at the very top of the page.
It kind of makes it sound like tnme22 wrote this, not you. Maybe switch it to "entry for tnme22's Flash Fiction contest." Not that it matters that much, since it has absolutely nothing to do with the story. But whatever.
I think it would be funny if you continued this, and then had his family actually kidnapped by ninjas.
I didn't notice any mistakes, and I'd like to hear more. It sounds like you have a comical way of writing. The only suggestion I would make if you continue is adding just a little more about the character. He definately sounds interesting.
Well, [insert name here], I was entering this into a contest that allowed only 250ish words maximum. But I was thinking I might do some kind of continuation of this for NaNoWriMo
This is really good. I couldn't see any mistakes, so well done. Keep on writing!
your story flows really nicely. You should really write more.
It reads really nicely, you should add more to it because it is good
I like the beginning of this. I think you should continue writing. I did not see any mistakes... Jessie.