Published October 31, 2008
Autumn
As the wind sent wisp of hair around her face
The back of her skirt blew up in disgrace
Then an old woman sidles by
Two young children run side by side
The air is cold enough; your lungs to freeze
The breath you breathe visible in the breeze
Even though arms wrapped up and turtle necks rolled high
The laughter is in the voice and the glaze is in the eyes
The leaves no longer green but salty brown
The redness of the nose and the cheeks are round
The teenage girls sit around the front
The teenage boys come calling for the hunt
The mothers stand around looking to direct
Fierceness in their eyes watching for their next matchmaking project
The headphones pulled into the Ipod or MP3 player
The beat of the music warming them layer over layer
Tones of both laughter and speech are in jubilee
Even the smallest of the smallest and the oldest of the oldest are filled with glee
In the windows are Arabian rugs
Window shopping filled with friendly and lovesick hugs
The sky is full of airborne doves
The invisibility of physical airborne love
The season that never goes to waste
The sound of Autumn and its glorious taste
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I really liked it.
that is an amazing piece of work.
welldone!
you rock!
It seems like you had to force the rhyming which sort of took away from the poem. I didn't see any grammar so great job with that. ^_^ Umm, the imagery could have connected a little by just changing a few words here at there.
Autumn is a great time of year. For me it is my second favorite season. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. ^_^ So it is a beautiful poem, and great job. ^_^
Your's is so much better than mine. How could you say otherwise, this was great. I personally love and prefer poems that ryhme.
There was quite a bit of good imagery in this, but it didn't seem really connected as well as it could have been. Plus the forced rhyming really detracted from the piece. To me, it seemed like you had a bunch of disconnected images. What do the teenagers, the mothers, the Arabian rugs, and the doves all have to do with each other? To strengthen this, ditch the rhyme and make your images mesh together better so it seems less jumbled.
To end on a good note, I liked the first two lines. Keep writing!
This was a great poem. It had a great flow and ryhming scheme. I feel the same way and love the opening lines. I didn't see any grammar mistakes. Great job, good luck and keep writing. I want to see alot more of your work. Can you tell Autumn is my favorite season?