Published October 15, 2010
Did you know that water hisses as it seeps over stones?
Have you ever heard the crash of waves against the shore?
Did you feel the sun shine upon your back,
The bright sparkles across the glittering sea?
Have you seen the gulls circle overhead?
Spied the ships upon the horizon?
Had your heel immersed in icy water,
Numbing the sting of the stones in your feet?
Have you sat upon the steps and watched
The sun slide across the shimmery blue?
Have you sat by the darkening water
And watched the sun sink out of sight
Leaving only the sound and scent of the ocean?
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141,755 Literary Works • 675,686 Reviews
Ah, yes, thanks for that. That's a typo that escaped eradication XD
Have edited, any better? Thanks for critiquing, I've never had anyone criticise my work before
Hello there.
For the nitpicks... Well it's a poem so it's pretty hard to do that sort of thing, but I'm just going to give my opinion.
I'm a little bit confused... Is the "not" supposed to be there? Because it would make more sense for me if it wasn't. Oh and also, sunshine is one word.
Three times the words sea... It didn't bothered me the first time I read it, but the second, yes it did. Maybe you want to find synonyms, like the ocean or the deep waters? Anyways, just an idea.
This was a really good poem. I enjoyed it, and really looking forward on seeing more of your work.
Keep writing!
-Other One