Published April 14, 2010
There once was a planet called Earth,
It twinkled and sparkled with worth,
Then in charged our race,
And trampled the place,
And heated it up like a hearth.
There once was a planet called Earth,
That echoed with laughter and mirth,
Then we outgrew the space,
And filled up the place,
And bled from it all of its worth.
There once was a planet called Earth,
We dreamt it a magical birth,
But more feats of science,
Have lost its alliance,
So now it’s a cosmos of dearth.
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Hi,
You handle the form really well. It flows nicely and I like how you kept the same rhyming pattern all the way through.
I'm not sure your choice of form is doing you any favours here though. Limericks tend to be humorous or satirical so I'd question your use of it for a serious topic such as this. It felt to me to go between preaching and flippancy, because of the associations and restrictive nature of the form. I'd try something with more imagery and with a freer form. The vilanelle, for example, might suit this better. I'd try to bring in specific imagery rather than stating your message directly as I think ultimately it sounds a bit like preaching.
Hope this helps.
Jas
Wow this poem is almost right in time for Earth Day!! (that seemed like the message to me anyway
) Interesting rhyme at the end there, but I suppose it had to be done. The limericks were pretty neat, they gave the poem a nice flow. On to a critique. The very last stanza felt somewhat off a little. It was the second line of it really. The whole magical thing sort of threw it off for me because right after you speak of science (speaking off which that science/alliance rhyme was really good). The second stanza was my favorite. It just really hit right on that people need to help save the Earth or else destroy it. Good job!