I am walking an evening stroll, when suddenlyI stop to see a tree. Just an ordinary tree, yet it caught my attention. It had nothing peculiar, nor enchanting. It was at first glance a bare tree. However, if you look closer you can find a few leaves. Of course this tree, as previously mentioned is nothing special. Some of the other trees are bare, while others are full. The full trees are innocent and naive to winter's ways. The bare ones too tired to even care.
I begin to imagine all the trees as full. How bright and vivid the leaves must have been! How they begin with very few, then more come. How some trees loose them faster than others. Then I realize something about the tree. It knew of winter's harsh and cruel ways, but held on to its leaves. Hoping winter never comes back. Hoping the leaves never abandon it. As I ponder more on this subject, I come to an obvious conclusion. My reason for being entranced by something as simple as a tree, is that the tree and I are the same.
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139,571 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Hey there, Eli here for a bday rush!
I love the way you maybe on purpose rhymed the last two sentences in your first paragraph. I like the way you describe the simple shapes, just the basic feeling of how you feel while looking at one plain tree. The difference in between the one you are interested in and the others who seemed to be no different than this exact one. Like you show us something can be a diamon in the rough but we just do not see it because it is hidden, and unpolished. But we need to take it and cherish it so it brights even lighter.
The way it is written is great, a format more like a note, letter or a small message to someone. Maybe it is really sent to someone. It shows some change, imagination, using only trees as the best example.
The way the cycle turns and comes back to the same place all over again, how seasons come one after another, you also show the way of the nature.
The ending was what I actually wanted to see in this piece, a reason why this tree was so important. The short sotry held a deeper meaning and this was what you needed to make this story have some more depth to it. Purpose. The only thing I want to say is that the first sentence sounds odd and might lead the thoughts of the reader to the wrong path.
Keep on writing!
Thank you so much!! Happy Birthday!!
Wow!! This is the most popular thing I've ever wrote. :0 I'd like to thank you guys and the academy.
Thank you so much to everyone that commented!!!
Hello! Gxldencrxwns here for a review.
Now, I did like the story, however in many parts, detail is lacking. Like torches before me has said, the first paragraph is bland. You say that the tree is ordinary three different times, noting it once will be fine. The second paragraph was great. You described yourself as a tree, which is something I've never seen before.
I don't have much else to say about this piece, everything else I have to complain about was already noted by the other reviewers.
Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
Thanks
Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.
This short story of yours is a really nice one. You are able to express all your feelings and emotions so well. Comparing your loneliness and uncertain future to that of the old bare tree was, you know, very artistic. Just like Sarah24, I found the first paragraph a little bland, even though it did contain some beautiful lines. It should have been more detailed and well-written. The second one, however, was very beautiful. I guess there is a typo in the first sentence, where you forgot to space "suddenly" and "I". I did not notice any other grammatical errors. I really liked this line from the first paragraph :
"The bare ones are too tired to even care. "
It reflects the desperate loneliness and helplessness of old age and sickness so well. I guess this short story is an amazing one, considering that its your first (much better than mine). Keep up the good work!
Thanks
You are welcome
Hey! This was a really cool short story. I think it was interesting how in the end you compared yourself to the tree. I believe your last paragraph was your best. The first was a little bland and didn't give the reader a hook to get them interested. I found that it could have possibly been more descriptive. More specifically to be more descriptive about the trees. Though you gave good details about the leaves you could have included about the trunk or the branches. Keep writing <3
Sarah24
Thank you
Okay, so I am bvbAngel and I want to stop in to give you a review if its okay with you!
Alright so really, dang this is really creative and I love it. I feel that other cam relay with this, I really love how you made the connection between you and the tree. But I particularly would live to see you write another about maybe, how instead of the person maybe the tree relating to the leaves and winter is jealous or wanted to break them up or take them away. I would love to see this piece made into the tree and etcetera with human characteristics.
But this is very interesting and enjoyable for the reader to read. I love how you put it together. There isn't anything I see that I would correct or change. Thank you for sharing this, and keep up the good work! I hope to see more work from you in the future!
~bvbAngel
Thanks
I like how you made the connection between the tree and you. I think it would be cool to write another, but as a person instead of a tree. Using the leaves as friends, or relationships. Using winter as a person who seems to rip everything away from you, like how the wind tears away the leaves from the tree. Very deep short, in such little words. I like the whole thing very much and how it makes you think.
Hi, 0325564! Pan here to fry up a review for you today.
This is a cute little piece. I like the idea behind it, and for the most part your writing style is solid. I think it's good that it's brief, because short stories that focus on a concept rather than a conflict can't hold the reader's attention for as long, so it's best to keep them small. Nevertheless, there are a few things that could do with improvement. When I review, I normally single out nitpicks first and then close with some general pointers, so that's what I'll do here.
I find this phrasing strange. I've never heard anyone say that they 'walk a stroll' because 'stroll' in itself implies walking. This line might be better expressed as something like 'I am strolling in the evening'. You could go one better and show that it's evening through your description - something like 'As I stroll through the field, the setting sun lends its burnt shades to the grass'. Obviously that's just an example, but the piece will be much richer if you set the scene a little more.
Lots of tense slippage here. You start the piece in present tense, yet this is all in past. It should be 'Just an ordinary tree, yet it catches my attention. There is nothing peculiar about it, nor enchanting. It is at first glance a bare tree'.
A larger issue is that this is a very tell-y passage. Do you know what showing and telling is? If not, go read this topic. It's basically about the difference between spelling something out for your reader and implying it. This quote tells us that the tree is ordinary, but we have to take the narrator's word for it. You offer no actual description of the tree itself, so we can't really picture it for ourselves. I don't even know what kind of tree it is.
Work in some description. Be careful to keep it brief - if it's ordinary, you should be able to sum it up in a sentence or two. Even if it's just something like - 'Just an ordinary tree - spiny trunk, green leaves, the usual' it would be more evocative than it currently is. Paint a picture for the reader to engage with.
Don't keep hammering the point home. It feels like you're trying too hard.
Did you mean 'lose'? 'Loose' can be a verb, but it most commonly means insecurely fastened or fixed, like a loosely tied bit of rope.
Overall
The piece needs more specificity and development. The idea is nice, but you push it down the reader's throat a tad - you mention three times in the first paragraph that the tree is ordinary, and it feels like you're pointing at it and silently saying 'this is really important to remember! Remember this!'
I also dislike the last sentence because it's a bit of a cop-out. You're spelling out the point of the story rather than letting the reader work it out for themselves. It needs to be more subtle to stop it coming off as contrived.
I'll leave the review here. It's got potential as a piece, but the fact that you wrote it in such a short amount of time does show. It needs development. More description, more subtlety and less tense slippage.
Hope this helped! If you've any questions, just ask.
Keep writing!
~Pan
Thank you very much for your review!! At home no one really gives me good writing advice.
Let me know if you want me to review any of your other pieces!
Amazing! Totally understandable. I know this is probably a typo, but there should be a space between "Suddenly" and "I".
. On this one line; "...Stop to see a tree." to me, this feels a little rushed. I would also put in a little more feeling. Why did you stop suddenly? That's all I have to say. Keep writing and great story and great writing! 
Thanks for the review! To be honest this was a random idea so I kinda wrote it in five minutes, thanks again I'll work on my pacing.
It's a good idea though!