Pandora stared
She stared at the box
The overwhelming aesthetic of it
How it mocked her
Such beauty she shall never see
The beauty that the world would never see.
If only Zeus had given her a hideous box
Yes it was his fault
If he had given her an archaic, ugly box
Then maybe just maybe she wouldn’t be so tempted
Tempted to discover its secrets.
Zeus’ warning made Pandora feel daunted by the box
His strong hypocrisy
Both the box and she were beautiful gifts
Yes, Zeus was tricking them!
Tricking her to keep its wonderful secrets hidden
Hidden from mortals
Hidden from the world
Such selfishness
The question was what
What was Zeus hiding
The secrets of Aphrodite's great beauty
The secrets of the God’s power
Or maybe he was trying to hide a secret like fire.
Hidden from everyone but him.
Yes it was him hogging a wonderful secret
It was almost as if the box was speaking to Pandora
Her husband did not hear the calls
It drove her mad
All day and night
The calls grew and grew
Until she couldn’t resist it anymore.
Opening the box slightly wouldn’t do anything
A small peephole
A crevice
Harmless it should be
It would shut the voices of the box
Like innocents crying for help
That the Gods had cheated them
Pandora could not continue this
This hellish torture
And so like that, she opened it.
She gave into temptation
Like Eve did to the snake
She did the deed
And regretted it.
Mocking laughter greeted her
The gluttonous and slothful sins
Plagues and other evils
Pandora wept at how foolish she was
And clung on to the bit of hope that was inside of the box.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hi. It’s Morgan. Remember how I said that I couldn’t wait to see some of your work? Yeah well I was so happy when I found that this one was by you. So anyway, ready for the review?
First off, I think it was great. I adore Greek mythology. I remember reading Percy Jackson: Son of Neptune in like third grade. That was when I fell in love with Greek and Roman mythology and all of Rick Riordan’ books. They’re amazing, and I see that you’ve pulled off a great poem of the same myths. You started off with a great start and ended the poem pretty interesting. Plus, your vocabulary was outstanding. Good job!
Although, I would considering maybe putting in some punctuation just to organize the poem and maybe separating it into stanzas. If the poem is more of a story-type then the stanza part doens’t have to be necessary, but definitely put in some punctuation. That way the poem would flow more. If. you need help with the stanza part, just put in something that. would be the separation.
Sorry, bad explaining. Here’s an example...
the cat went to the store.
˙˙˙˙
Then it went home.
so you see the dots, right? Yeah, that’s how I do it. I mean, I know it may be weird, but hey, It works! So anyway, I really enjoyed the poem and I loved the idea of using myths. Good job and keep writing!
Thanks for the feedback, I can%u2019t wait to read your stuff
Hi, it's Joe.
The first thing I want to say is: excellent. Mythology is an interest of mine and I always like to see new approaches.
I think you did a fantastic job at exploring Pandora's psyche and motivations. It's easy to recite a story like this one, but to actually explore it more deeply and make the reader feel it again like they're reading it for the first time is just fantastic.
One thing I note is, mid-poem, you don't use any question marks.
Poetry, obviously, is open for creative use of punctuation, but I think that by adding some question marks to each of these lines you could give your reader some pause while reading, which would improve the overall flow.
I think it's interesting how you compared Pandora to Eve. That's honestly not something I've ever considered before, but it's a great correlation. Those kinds of little bits of illumination are great.
I think you may benefit from cutting the poem into stanzas. Right now it's one long list of lines. By quartering them off into blocks, it'll be a much more manageable read and you can dedicate each section to a specific part of the "story" being told here -- you know, beginning, rising action, climax, etc.
If you ever edit this in the future, please reply to this review. I'd love to take another look after you've made changes to see what else I can spy.
Great work and great job. Look forward to more.
Joe
Yass, fellow mythology geek <3
Wonderful poem!
Glad you liked it!
Nice twist to the mythological story. Very skillful use of imagery! I find that the accusations against Zeus match perfectly with the accusations that the serpent in Eden made against God. In fact, I once read that the Pandora myth is merely a twisted recollection by post- Flood people of what originally took place in Eden. You know, in the same way that the half god half-humans such as Hercules and Achilles are perhaps recollections of a pre-flood world where the sons of God or fallen angels produced such superhuman offspring called Nephilim.
Suggestions:
When referring to supernatural entities like the ones in Greek mythology, it is customary to always use "gods"" or "god" instead of "God" or "Gods".
Show us how the box is beautiful by describing it. If you just tell us, we can't see it.
Thanks for your feedback!
Yo idk what happened to my reply.
Alrighty, so first off, I ADORE Greek mythology!! I'm so glad you wrote such a lovely poem about a classic myth. I like how the poem flows- the rhythm created by the spacing is nice. I know most computer programs automatically capitalize each line- was this a problem you encountered or an intentional use of capitalization? Also, I don't think the poem is bad at all the way it is, but separating it into stanzas might help readers. Overall, great job! I really enjoyed this:)
Yeah on the draft the stanzas separated but when I posted it for some reason it didn%u2019t. Next time I%u2019ll make sure to double check! Thank you for the review and I%u2019m glad you liked it!
Yeah on the draft the stanzas separated but when I posted it for some reason it didn%u2019t. Next time I%u2019ll make sure to double check! Thank you for the review and I%u2019m glad you liked it!
Dang it stanza didn't separate! Oh well sorry about that......