Published June 10, 2010
I can tell you you're beautiful: your eyes, your smile
The way your hair barely touches the back of your neck.
But you'd never believe me from all the lies I've left you with,
The lovers I promised were friends, and songs really about him.
I've hurt you with the dreams I've locked inside my head
of marriage and trust, you were the one love I really had.
And when we were happy, we were perfect, we lived without regret
In the morning all relaxed, watching you as you slept.
But now you're gone, I swear to god, it's all my fault.
I was stupid, you meant everything, but still I couldn't answer when you called.
So here I lay drenched in tears, a product of my actions
While you bleed on the floor of your apartment and I can't help but wonder...
Why would I be so self-destructive as to ruin both our lives?
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Yeah, thanks LilyMoore!
This was kind of just a quick outpouring of emotion and I sometimes fail to realize when I do that I don't explain who I am or what I do.
Basically here's the story behind it:
I cheated and wrote songs about other people and lied about for whom they really were.
Thank you for the critique!
And thanks everyone else.
Hello Words!
Okay, overall, this was a wonderful poem. In fact, there was only one thing, one line, that I was really confused about, which sort of ruined the poem for me because I couldn’t stop wondering about this line:
I don’t know, but I don’t understand this line.
Otherwise, you had a great story here. And that’s what poetry is: storytelling.
I would just recommend thinking about that line up there. Maybe I missed something. I’m not sure. But that line just got to me. *head/desk*
Keep writing!
~lilymoore
Hello there
I was actually worried when I started reading because I thought it was just one of those 'love poems', but it surprised me a lot. There was a lot of deep emotion pouring out of it.
This was an interesting piece
This was my favourite line.
Good job.
Ziggie
Hey, IveGotMyWords.
I REALLY like your writing style. This poem was really well written, and I could really feel the emotion of it. I loved this piece and can't wait to read more from you! You really have some talent.
<3cplust