Our love is like a flowing river.
It is smooth, but sometimes wild.
From time to time it's changing.
Our love is like a flowing river.
It is with erosion and deposition,
We give and we take.
Our love is like a flowing river.
Sometimes it is out of its beddings,
But most often it is kept together.
That's what our love is:
Our love is like a flowing river.
This poem is a poem I've written for my boyfriend and I tried to compare our love with something from nature.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey!
I like this a lot. The metaphor worked really well and was really sweet, but also gave a balanced picture of the relationship. The only thing I would say you might want to change is the final stanza. The repetition works well at the beginning of each of the first three stanzas, but at the end, you've already established it so it feels more like saying what you've already said than summing it up. But aside from that, I loved it!
Hi there...
so personally, I think that with a topic like this, it could have turned out badly. I have heard the phrase "love like a flowing river" several times before, and cliche topics are difficult to deal with. However, I think that you pulled it off beautifully. You give the metaphor depth and explain it with originality. The repetition wasn't overpowering, and was quite effective while remaining gentle.
I would consider using more imagery to fill this piece out a bit. Like I said, the repetition wasn't overpowering, but there wasn't much else. It made up a great deal of the poem. I would put some meat on it, and describe more, add onto the analogy that you're working on.
The flow and tone are quite nice as-is. The piece was well done. Nice job.
-Coral-
Hi ItsMeNathalie! It is so sweet that you wrote this for your boyfriend. I'm sure he'll love it. I really can't find anything wrong with this poem. It has a nice flow (like the river!) and the repetition really works. I'd have to say the most impressive thing about it is that you correctly punctuated the word "its." Nice work! Keep writing!