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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Ashes of Time

by ItWasntMe


     Here in a world where no one is safe. What do you do? People always say there is hope. Light. Because the light is the brightest in your darkest times. But sometimes, you run out of that power. That light doesn’t last forever. It will die and consume everything in its path. The darkness will rise. But there is one thing to keep in mind: Even though death is a promise, So is life. The universe is alive. The universe is a mystery and we will never know what lays beyond our world and understand it. So here, now, I ask that we stand together as one through the iris. End this conflict. This war. works together to solve problems that make sense. To do things that will change our world. To change it together. We as humans are corrupt. Fighting ourselves for power and control. But what is it worth? Controlling something that’s dead. Soon to be dead. So why stand apart and lose the one thing that holds us together? Us as a species vary. We are different in so many ways. But still, we all are the same inside. So why conflict with each other. Bullies. Leaders. Why must you be our role models and show that violence is what we are because peace, peace is somewhere to be found. I know it's in us. I know it's possible. More can be accomplished to get to our goals we can learn more, do more, save more lives be better and last as a species. Or do we want to be looked at as the species who couldn’t survive? A constant civil war that just purges through our self’s. Dealing with issues that shouldn’t exist as us humans try to live. Why not work together and fix these problems. So here I say: The seeds of promise shall be planted; The ashes of time shall regrow, Stronger, bigger. Reality may be lonely sometimes. But we all have the strength to survive to stand. Through the wind of hell. The sky of fear. The ocean of regret and guilt. Even though things may be dark. We still need to have each other. So let us lift the atmosphere and journey beyond our problems and unlock something new. A new life. A new world. Why fall when we can rise. What is one thing you hold onto, What is one thing you care about to the end of time? Take it and protect it. Let it remind you of the past. But you must still move forward and thrive to the future.

                Chapter 1-- Into the tunnels

   People always say one person can’t help the world. I chuckle at that idea. If everyone had that mindset. Would anyone do anything? What’s funny is I am a man of peace. Yet here I stand in the military, ready to fight. 50 years back. Sombre rose up. To exterminate all humans. Sombre is a robot corp. So Earth being our only planet that we know about that is habitable. We stand and fight. Even though humanity is constantly on the break of extinction we still fight ourselves in ways. Poverty still exists. We live in underground tunnels. The surface is too dangerous for most. Today my squad is going out into the jungle of Agrella. Or the tropical rain forest of Puerto Rico. We changed the name of many places so that if the Sombres hack into our database we can keep our plans a secret. Sort of like a code. We move out at soon so I was finishing final preparations.

“Xavier, it's time to move out.” Said commander Ekko

“Ok, I will be out in a few moments, may I get the rest of my supply’s for the trip?”

“Go ahead just be down in 5 minutes.”

“Ok thank you.”

I am the leader of the squad Eagle. commander Ekko, he’s in control of Alpha deployment. Alpha deployment is the group of 6 squads that are first deployed to emergencies and outside traveling, exploring. Since the war, it's been like a new world. I gather the rest of my supplies and begin my walk. My room is small. So is everyone else’s though. I walk out to the dim tunnels that make our world. As I walk through the halls Mrs. Dubidian is standing sweeping.

“Why hello Xavier, where are you going?”

“Morning Mrs. Dubidian, I’m heading out to the surface doing recon mission of a recently cited area. Supposedly have some enemy movement heading towards a Metro City.”

“Oh well, you be safe.”

“I will thank you.”

I continue walking down through the tunnels. I go to the briefing room about 2 stories down. Here they have some power and computers they use to track and get distress calls. Metro Cities are the homes we live in underground. Sort of like our defense bunkers and homes. Only about 2 million humans survived the attacks. Compared to the 8.4 billion we had before the attacks. It's nothing. The Sombres took over a nuclear facility and sent missiles to go around the world. Luckily some are left. We have troops stationed near them to keep the world from perishing more. Radiation lurks above, stronger in some areas. The major cities have been destroyed. New york is one of the last standing. Half of it at least. We have large deployments in that area. Only above ground civilization in the entire world and consist of about ¼ of the world's population. Year 3011 and we still only have 2 million people.

“Ok, now we can start brief. As you all know Sombres attacked a small underground Metro city located near the Agrella jungle. We are sending Alpha deployment to check for survivors establish a perimeter and evacuate the rest of the civilians to Metro C11. Quarantine any infected. I expect no longer than a 10-day trip there and back. Flight moves out in 40 minutes get everything ready. Xavier load your squad for extraction, in and out nothing more. Rest of you on perimeter and info. Let's move!”

Everyone starts shuffling around gathering gear getting ships loaded up. You can hear the engines turning on and the constant hum of the small DD(Detach Drone) testing. We use those for safe scouts of radiated areas. I load my squad with tranquilizers PMF-50s and a T9-30. We also each come equipped with one shot of Equazene for ourselves and 2 for any infected. Equazene is a limited cure that stops being infected and cures people infected within 4 days. This was attacked yesterday so the 12 should be enough. We kill or quarantine the rest.

~~~~~~~ßà~~~~~~~

We load up the ships engines purring, 2 squads per trip. We are loaded with squad NighGale. The jets begin to rise up. Above hatches open up revealing a broken world. The light shines in hurting our eyes for the first few minutes because of the lack of light in the tunnels. The jet turns and starts off for the flight. This is my 62nd mission so I’m not bothered but some of the rookies aren’t used to the open doors and helmets we haft to where. Our data hud opens up and re-briefs us. The vets get some rest. Rookies stay wide awake for their first mission. The jet engines engage boost and we start the flight.


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117 Reviews


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Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:16 am
Featherstone wrote a review...



Hello! Fea here to review!

So first off, I'd like to say that I love the deep thought of this, particularly the first paragraph. I've written similar things, but rarely see them, so it was a treat! Below are some nitpicks, but I feel that overall, though the idea is good, the execution doesn't do it justice. Many sentences could be made into one by being broken up with commas, colons, dashes, or semi-colons, so I would suggest reading through it again and merging sentences where you can.

"But there is one thing to keep in mind. Even though death is a promise. So is life." I'd make this all one sentence using a colon and a comma, like so: 'But there is one thing to keep in mind: even though death is a promise, so is life.'

"So why stand apart and lose the one thing that holds us together." This should end in a '?' as appropriate of a question.

"Us as a species vary." I'm pretty sure this should be 'we as a species vary'. I found similar punctuation flaws in other places here, so I'd suggest re-reading it and switching around some of those periods.

"So here I say. The seeds of promise shall be planted. The ashes of time shall regrow. Stronger bigger." I think this could be one sentence: "So here I say: the seeds of promise shall be planted; the ashes of time shall regrow, stronger, bigger."

Again, I love the ideas!

~ Fea




ItWasntMe says...


Thank you very much for the review it helped a lot. I fixed the mistakes you pointed out and once again thank you!



Featherstone says...


No problem! :D



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Points: 200
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Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:11 pm
BlindingSun wrote a review...



When I read your piece, I thought "Wow! This writing has some really...deep ideas". I enjoy reading books or stories about the future as we look at them. A lot of them are pretty depressing, like yours, The Hunger Games, Divergent series, Maximum Ride, and Delirium. Still, (I don't know why) depressing and pessimistic futures intrigue me. So did yours. However, in many places, it sounded kind of choppy. You used a lot of short sentences that try to intensify what you want to say. I think that using it once or twice will be fine and produce a nearly staggering effect on readers. But, when you start using it too many times, it makes the reader think you're deliberately trying to have an impressive effect on people. I think you can combine some sentences or use some transition/ smoother sentences to ease the flow of your writing. Also, there are quite a few grammatical errors in the piece. If you can't find them, please reply to this message. If you can change the choppy parts and revise the grammatical errors, this piece of writing could become a really great story and, if you continue writing a lot, a book. Keep up the work!




ItWasntMe says...


Thank you very much for the comment. I caught some grammatical errors and fixed a couple choppy areas but if you don't mind me asking would you mind pointing out the rest so I can get on those right away? Thank you very much. Also chapter 2 is out.




I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King