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The Valley of the Mist

by Ishan212


“Oh! When will we enjoy our holidays?” shouted my five year old son, Ishu, while I read a mail from his dad, Captain Veer Singh Rana, BSF who was posted in Jammu and Kashmir due to the rising separatist movements in the region.

The army had refused his leave application again. This was the fifteenth time in the last three years. Veer had last visited us in 2012,when Ishu was two. Since then neither of us has seen his face. We just talk over phone lines, that too only once a week. Sometimes, I do wonder whether Ishu remembers anything about his father or has he forgotten everything about him?

Whatever the case is,I know one thing for sure- Ishu loves his father and is very proud of him.

Whenever his friends tell him about the places they visited with their families during the holidays, my son, though disheartened says “You all are able to travel to different parts of our country, only because of my dad. He is an official in the Indian Army.”

“Beta, you understand, your dad is really busy-“I said trying to comfort him.

“Mum I understand, dad is serving the nation.” said Ishu “We’ll lnot go anywhere for our holidays, that’s all. I have no problem with it. All Ineed to focus on is my academics. I’ll study hard and become like my dad” saying this, his bright big eyes, which once shined brightly turned red. My ever happy son was crying.’

I had had too much. Today it was this way or the other. Idecided to call Veer, although I knew he would be bus in a drill.

To my surprise Veer received my call in the first try itself. I started

“Veer! Do you have any responsibility for us? I mean why didn’t you- “

“BANG”

The call had disconnected. I had heard a very loud noise from the otherside of the phone. “What could it be?” I wondered as I tried to connect to Veer.

Daamn – his phone was out of the network range. Chanting Rama’s name, I tried to call him for the next half an hour. Suddenly I heard Ishu shouting-

“Mum! Come here fast! Dad’s on TV!”

I knew what had happened. But for some reason could notbelieve it. With trembling feet I walked towards the living room. A strange feelingof both anxiety and fear swept throughout my body and it became ice cold as if I’d been mountaineering in the hills of Manali. I could not believe my eyes. There was my husband, Ishu’s dad on the TV screen with the headline saying-

‘Kashmir blasts.Captain Rana and 17 others killed”


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137 Reviews


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Sun Sep 25, 2016 5:18 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

This is a very sad story and I you managed to portray a lot of emotion in such a short piece. This does need looking over though, as you've missed spaces between words so it makes it hard to read.

I'm not a fan of putting "BANG" in quotation marks. It makes the work seem juvenile. I'd change to her hearing a loud bang that shattered her eardrums, or something like that - and then the call disconnecting. I think it would be more effective than the reading just going by a single word.

It's very sweet that the little boy is so proud of his dad, despite not being able to see him. And the way he talks, he is very articulate for such a young boy which makes me think that he feels like he is older than he is. Due to it only being him and his mother, perhaps he feels like he is the man of the house while his father is away? Maybe I'm looking too deeply into things but that's what I get from this piece.




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Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:34 am
Ishan212 says...



tigerraye
Thank you for reviewing my work.
I need to clarify somethings with you.
First, 'Rama',in the story refers to Lord Rama one of the incarnations of Lord Vishnu. You might have heard about the Epic Ramayana too, Lord Rama is the protagonists of the epic.
In simple words, Lord Rama means God, Allah or Bhagwaan.
Second, in Hinduism we chant mantras. So chanting Lord Rama's name means remembering God in a difficult situation as the Protagonist, Ishu's mother was facing in the story.
I hope you've understood what I meant to say by using the phrases, you have highlighted above.
I thank you again for commenting on my work and for your suggestions.
Ishan




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Sat Sep 24, 2016 7:31 pm
SunsetTree wrote a review...



This is a sad story...can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a loved one when you're on the other end of the phone with them. I didn't know that rejection of leave applications was a thing, and it just makes it even sadder that the captain in this story was probably too talented for them to let him go, and his talent lead to his early death. Any story that teaches me something I didn't already know before I appreciate.

Chanting Rama’s name, I tried to call him for the next half an hour.


Chanting is a strange verb to use in this situation, it reminds me of a ball park game or boxing match. "Screaming" or "Shouting" would be more appropriate. You refer to the captain as Rana, Veer, and then Rama (typo...?) so for better ease of clarity, I would stick to just one name. You have a few typos that start to impede your writing, so I'd just make sure to read over your stories a bit more carefully next time. But other than that, I really liked this. Thank you for sharing.




Ishan212 says...


tigerraye
Thank you for reviewing my work.
I need to clarify somethings with you.
First, 'Rama',in the story refers to Lord Rama one of the incarnations of Lord Vishnu. You might have heard about the Epic Ramayana too, Lord Rama is the protagonists of the epic.
In simple words, Lord Rama means God, Allah or Bhagwaan.
Second, in Hinduism we chant mantras. So chanting Lord Rama's name means remembering God in a difficult situation as the Protagonist, Ishu's mother was facing in the story.
I hope you've understood what I meant to say by using the phrases, you have highlighted above.
I thank you again for commenting on my work for your suggestions.
Ishan



SunsetTree says...


no worries




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