Published September 9, 2011
I draw for you My Love.
My pen as my witness.
These words I wont write rather I will bleed.
An empty canvas, pure with no mistake.
First stroke, second stroke, Third; swift movement.
The eventual rise to the cliff.
Beneath it lies a river, off in the distance
a setting sun.
Its mouth holds rocks, creating channels
Only to pump constantly, a pump so smooth.
A Man appears.
First in shy acclaim.
Later rather anxious and ready...
The Jump.
Air blew by.
The Fall.
The bleeding sky.
He laid there.
The outside world quiet.
He laid there.
Completely over joyed.
No movement was made; drowned steadily.
Drowned by the blind flow.
Sank to the bottom; with hopes of further
Depths.
Encumbered with truth, finally free of all regrets.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,021 Reviews
Thank you and yes the Third was meant. Please give me your best analysis of the piece.
Hello there!! First off, I'd like to welcome you to YWS. I hope you like it as much as I do! If you've got any questions, ask away; I'm fairly new here but I'll help you in any way I can!
Now, on to the poem. I really like it. It made me think of the woods, which happen to be a muse of mine and one of my favorite things. It also made me care about who you were writing about, which is awesome.
I love this stanza. I love how you started it out with the 'empty canvas'; I'm an artist, so I understand how a blank canvas holds so many possibilities. I love how you built off of the first sentence; it painted a wonderful picture in my mind. It wasn't wordy and overdetailed. It was beautiful. In the second line, did you mean to capitalize the word 'third'? It threw me off slightly when I was reading it. It's just a little thing, though, and very easily corrected.
This stanza is great. I love how it has a rhythm even though you used few words.
Great work!!! Always keep writing. I hope to read more from you in the future!
Hello there!! First off, I'd like to welcome you to YWS. I hope you like it as much as I do! If you've got any questions, ask away; I'm fairly new here but I'll help you in any way I can!
Now, on to the poem. I really like it. It made me think of the woods, which happen to be a muse of mine and one of my favorite things. It also made me care about who you were writing about, which is awesome.
I love this stanza. I love how you started it out with the 'empty canvas'; I'm an artist, so I understand how a blank canvas holds so many possibilities. I love how you built off of the first sentence; it painted a wonderful picture in my mind. It wasn't wordy and overdetailed. It was beautiful. In the second line, did you mean to capitalize the word 'third'? It threw me off slightly when I was reading it. It's just a little thing, though, and very easily corrected.
This stanza is great. I love how it has a rhythm even though you used few words.
Great work!!! Always keep writing. I hope to read more from you in the future!