Undo Us

I have to say, I think this is a *grumbles* beautiful poem (though I'm still at a loss for what it means ). I agree with Conrad that you should most definitely keep using your very expansive vocabulary, but maybe in smaller doses. That way, your reviewers will be able to focus on the other aspects that you have going on here! But great job! I love it as much as I can without understanding it. Keep it up!

Hi there, IoBromis! I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today!

So, I totally love the way in which you showed off your vocabulary in this poem. It's always nice to see someone step out and try new things like that. Never stop experimenting with words like you have here, it's one of the best ways that you can develop yourself as a writer.

The only problem I can see is that you used maybe a bit too many of these bigger words in this poem. There's a fine line between "using these words effectively" and "using them to show off" and you're just a tad into the latter one. Tone back just a little though, and you ought to be just fine.

So, a good poem, but it needs a little tweaking. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

I'm going to echo the others and praise your language. Your words are beautiful, and very descriptive. I was fine to understand most of them, except for denouement... could you have meant denouncement?

Your imagery is lovely, and the poem made me feel a little sad. Like I was personally being left in the wake. The reader should have some feeling from reading a poem, it connects them to it.

My favorite line was "Never forever without forget-me-nots." I just liked it.

Lovely, keep it up.

-Lauren

I have to say that while this poem is powerful and well-structured, I am left at odds over your word choices. Half of them I don't even know how to pronounce, much less the definitions. How do you expect your readers to connect to your poetry if we are busy running for the dictionary so that we can translate what you're trying to say? I'm not saying to get rid of all of the flowery language, but perhaps you could clarify some of it. For instance, what is a denouement?

I lovelovelove the lilt to the lines in your poems, and the usage of vocabulary. The meaning of your word choice is important, of course, but the sound alone of the words carry the poem very well (if that makes any sense).

I just have to point out a couple lines that were particularly lovely:

Ibis croon,
awaiting their ersatz moon.

Fleet feet make all the difference

I am in awe of your word usage!
This is a powerful poem and I found that I was picturing it and I could see the details as you have been very precise in your description.
I must admit that I'm not entirely sure about the meanings of all the words, but I am now inspired to look them up so that I may be able to use them in the correct context, should the need arise.