Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
Ooh, this was a great chapter!! I really liked the information you gave us, that ending was just SPECTACULAR, and the drawing helped tie it in together really nicely!
One thing I really enjoyed about this section was the ending. I think I've said this before, but you're really good at writing things as they're in the moment. You use really short but effective sentences that just draw the reader along with them in such a great way. I love the super simple paragraphs you have, some that are one sentence (Chris throws the ball) and even some that are just one word (Score). They're really great to reflect the tone of the moment, and it works so well. I feel a lot of the time, people get laden down with too much prose to describe all of the tiny details happening, but you get right to the point and made the writing feel like it's moving. It's so, so well done.
I'm really curious as to what training regimen Alex follows. You'd think that it would have been brought up before this, especially since we've been in Alex's POV before. It makes me wonder if that isn't entirely true, but I can't really think of a reason why Jacob would lie. If it isn't a lie, I feel like it might be beneficial to mention it before now, you know? It seemed a little random to me as it is now. (If you have already mentioned it before, forgive me for forgetting.)
I also want to caution you against stretching the tournament out for too long. It's already been two chapters, and even though it hasn't gotten old yet, I'm worried that there might be a part where it'll seem too stretched or it'll get old. Again, this hasn't happened yet, but I feel like it might if you make the tournament last longer than, say, three chapters. I think the way it is now makes sense for it to be broken up, but just keep in mind of your pacing.
Specifics
"Anyways," Jacob continues, "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Alex is a bit abnormal. He doesn't practice basketball like the rest of you do."
"How does he?" Spencer asks.
Something about that last question felt a little unnatural. To me, it just doesn't sound like an appropriate response to what Jacob said. I think it also has something to do with the ambiguity of what Jacob says. When I first read it, I thought that rather than stating he practiced in a different way, he just didn't practice at all, which made the next part confusing for me. I think that by changing it to something like "He doesn't practice basketball the same way the rest of you do" would help clear that ambiguity up.
Overall: nice work! I think these chapters just keep on getting stronger and stronger and are a true testament to your immense writing ability!! Keep up the great work, and until next time!!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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