That's how I'd feel after having blood drawn...
**Posting something upon the request of @PaperNessa, I found a challenge to write a story with only dialogue, no tags, nothing. Just words, so here it is…**
“Are you okay?”
“Well, after four and a half lectures, I suppose that is an opinion depending on which side of the speeches you are on.”
“In yours?”
“No. I am very much, not okay.”
“What happened exactly?”
“To me or to them?”
“How about the event in general, perhaps in better terms than just ‘okay,’”
“You brought the word up, not me.”
“Your account of events, we don’t have all day.”
“Very well, the smaller human attempted to take the liquid of my body while the larger human tied an odd rubbery substance around my limb.”
“You can’t be serious, you lit the place on fire because they were trying to take your blood?”
“The liquid of my body is very precious to me, very precious.”
“They were trying to help you, not hurt you.”
“They stuck a rather pointy object into my limb and drew out my life support. I do not believe that that can help in any way, do you?”
“They take your blood so they can test it, idiot.”
“I do not know what that word means.”
“That is probably a good thing.”
“What is?”
“Nevermind. Let’s get you home.”
“Volgatron? But I thought-”
“No, my home, my house. You know, the one you called a “pathetic shack rock that would not stand against the wrath of Kalran.’”
“Oh, that one, yes I do believe- Ouch! What was that for?”
“I’m trying to help you up, not everyone can walk fine after they’ve had their blood taken.”
“You mean the liquid of my body.”
“Yes, the liquid of your body, now let’s go,”
“To where again?”
“Oh for heaven’s sake!”
“What’s that?”
“It's a place people go to once they die, good Lord.”
“Who is he?”
“Okay, that’s it. You are going to stay right here and I am going to go and flag down a cab.”
“You’re going to bring that whole thing here?”
“No, that was a train, I am going to go and get us a car, you stay right here and don’t move. You can even sit down if you like.”
“No I think I prefer to remain standing.”
“Great. Don’t go anywhere, I will be right back.”
Overall, I find it to be a well maintained and simple dialogue. it is easy for the reader to grasp without the need any introspection which is no mean feat. however, the setting is not very easy to imagine due to the lack of precise or detailed references to the surroundings or happenings, its hard to imagine whether they are at a University, hospital or some prearranged meeting place, something worth taking into account as setting is fundamental to the 'air' of a dialogue . The mild humour achieved by creating the obvious cultural differences between the two characters is well done and makes the dialogue easy to follow for you can easily differentiate between the two. Overall, I would say that it was well done and needs very little revision.
YES! Thank you. I've heard of this challenge and was planning on posting something later with only the dialogue of one character. This way the reader would have to make up the other character's questions/responses. So it would very much be up to the reader to fill in the gaps. Anyways, I liked this. The characters were developed well. They had their own personalities so I did not get lost in the dialogue.
I have two suggestions and that is all. The first is a grammar thing. The line
would be improved with a comma after the word "no." The second is just a content thing. I wish you had somewhat alluded to setting. I had trouble understanding where these characters were. I assumed because of the names they were aliens or futuristic, yet I was unsure. I think adding a comment in the dialogue about their surroundings would be helpful.No I think I prefer to remain standing.
Hi, there! Lefty here to review!
This was a really interesting read. You handled the challenge nicely and I could always tell who was talking because of how distinct you made their voices. It was funny how clueless the guy was which made the other guy really agitated. In some ways your dialog reminded me of Sherlock in how he doesn't understand some normal things which really irritates Watson but he's actually really brilliant.
Umm... I didn't really find any nitpicks to touch on except for the fact that these two sentences didn't really make sense to me:
“Well, after four and a half lectures, I suppose that is an opinion depending on which side of the speeches you are on.”
“In yours?”
Heya pretelsing here for a review. I am trying to review many different works outside of my comfort zone so here I am.
First of all, I have to comment that I do like the idea of all dialogue but I personally think that you have to work on building effective dialogue. While this was short and humorous it can be worked on a lot.YWS Article about Effective Dialogue
Here is a nitpick:
“No,my home, my house. You know, the one you called a “pathetic shack rock that would not stand against the wrath of Kalran.’”
“Nevermind. Let’s get you home.”
“No, I am very much, not okay.”
“It is a sought after place of goodness after one dies, good Lord.”
Thank so much for your review!
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