Broken Hearted and Invisible

Hey!
Firstly, congratulations on your first poem!
I liked your poem. It's a very good attempt and you kept it simple which is a nice style. It gave off the melancholic vibe I think you were going for.
However, it's not detailed enough. We, the readers don't have any idea what kind of pain this is, the small details surrounding the pain, why the people don't notice you etc etc
Also, this line:
Everyone is alway in a bad mood;

they despise me and I haven't done wrong yet.

I don't quite understand it. We need to know more about it's relevance. There were minor mistakes like the missing 's' in always, the capitalization of the 'L'in like. Small things like that
I do hope you keep writing and keep posting.
Cheers!

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here, I know I'm loving it. If you need anything, let me know, I'd love to help you out!
Now, on to the review. This is a good first poem! I don't know if you've been writing long, but either way this is nice. It's fairly simple and to the point, which I also think is pretty important in this situation
Now, I do have some suggestions. First, try to make this more detailed! You have certain points that were fairly descriptive, like when you said "It's like drowning in an abyss of my own self-hatred..." However, there is a lot more that can go there, even in just that sentence. For example, what does the abyss look like? Why do you want to get out? What/who else is there with you? By including details like this in this sentence and in throughout your poem, you can really help deepen it and make it more easier for readers to understand and relate to your point of view.
Now the other thing that I would advise you to change here would be the line breaks. Usually when people use line breaks the breaks signify a pause, almost like a comma. You have a few line breaks that I think cause some awkward pauses, and I wondered if you were aware that they were there. Just read through your poem again, and see if you notice them. If not, I'll be happy to point them out and help you fix them!
Anyways, good job one your first YWS poem! Work on those things I pointed out, if you can, and if not, please keep them in mind for your next poem! Good luck!
herbgirl

Heya, Insanepsychotrash! Casanova here will be your reviewer today!
Oh, before I begin- WELCOME TO YWS! I'm free to message if you have any question, want tips, or if you don't understand anything/need help! Don't be shy!
Now, to the review! I do this a certain way- I list the good things I like first, and then I nitpick after. Then I conclude it! So, bear with me!
To the review!
Now, to start off with. I love the idea, it's a bit cliche but it's fresh. You go about it in a way that doesn't make it SEEM cliche. If that makes any sense?
Okay, to the nitpicks!
The first line, in my opinion, should have a comma or a period after it. If you don't use proper punctuation- the flow can be too fast, or not pause in thee right places. Always try to do this.
Also- Capitalize the first word of each line- it makes it look better/it's grammatically correct(I think) in a poem to do so.
The next!
The flow it a bit.. Off. It lines such as the first- it seems a bit slow and possibly a little bit choppy. Then you get to the middle of the poem and it speeds up. They don't really go anywhere at all.
One thing I actually liked about this poem was that it starts with feeling invisible, then it ends with being invisible. Props to than man, it's actually a decent poem.
I will say one thing that I remember my old Algebra one teacher in ninth grade telling me-"Repetition impresses facts upon dull minds." This essentially means if you keep trying and working at it EVENTUALLY you will achieve your goal. SO never give up!
Anyway- keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.