original. creative.
when you have so much raw emotion to express, you just can't follow the rules; it would defeat the whole purpose of it being raw.
and I do agree with someone below, this does look like Eminem. it's that.. "no holds barred" way of saying exactly what's on your mind. I love it.
dealing with break-ups - that's not a subject to tip-toe around, you cannot be expected to write your thoughts down, in a calm manner, playing by the rules, worrying about using capital letter and so forth.
it's a chaos, and you managed to capture the feeling entirely. kudos to you, for sticking it to the rules!
original. creative!

I thought I'd check this work out considering it's extreme popularity.

At first sight, I must agree with Dreamwalker, this is very grammatically incorrect, even if it was meant to be full of passion and strong emotion, there is no excuse for the lack of capital letters following sentence endings, inappropriate capital letters where they are not needed (I'm not referring to the enormously emphasized ones either), areas where punctuation could be replaced with more appropriate characters, and then just general grammar and spelling errors (ellipses greater than three points, random abbreviations, etc.) .

And then I come to the words that a blind bat couldn't miss. To be honest, the way you highlighted the words was, don't take this the wrong way, quite childish in all honesty, it would seem more presentable with italisised, underlined or bold lettering as opposed to all capitals with triple exclamation marks. It would also be more poetic if the words highlighted had some kind of identifiable link... but they don't. There is no obvious rhyming pattern, they're just kind of scattered around the place.

Finally, on the critical side of things anyway, I understand that you felt lot of emotion when writing this. If this is supposed to be based on first-hand experience, I, excuse me for my cynical point of view, think this is very dramatised and over-the-top. Sure being cheated on following a sexual relationship sucks (understatement), but the way you expressed it didn't really appeal to me as a mature mind (mainly the spite and very bitter wishes). I guess that's an unfair analysis in some way, we are all different, but either way, the themes in this should be considered mature and adult, and how they have been reflected by words in the conclusion of the piece doesn't seem to uphold this kind of classification.

In a different view, what I liked about the poem was the fact that it was raw emotion, no manufactured feelings or reactions, which is always good to see in poetry. And, although the transition of emotions was quite extreme, it worked well within the story of it.

I apologise if this seems overly-critical, this is just my opinion.

Regards
DNX

Maybe I'm just not getting 'it'.

Raw emotion is powerful. A big reason why things like poetic license seem so common placed these days. After all, why capitalize words when all words should equal? Only important words should have capitalization, right? Or why must a paragraph start with a perfect indentation? Why can't the word start at the end of a line, for more emphasis on that first sound?

All of these things are logical, and often enough, amusing thought processes, simply because of the fact that writing is so much more than rules, and I can definitely appreciate the sentiment that writing, in this raw of a state, reflects that.

At the same time, though, I just don't, well, get it.

The truth is, I didn't particularly like the state of this work. The all-caps, for one, were atrocious which, in some cases, makes me a complete hypocrite, but I think, in some regards, one must understand the difference between poetic license and a complete butchering of the english language. Its an argument that can and will be argued for the rest of eternity, yet my own argument is rather simple.

Did this make me feel anything more profound than agitation over structure?
No.

The truth is, I found this to be extremely blog-like. Mind you, it was a raw, and very Holden Caulfield's version of a blog entry, but a blog entry nonetheless. What it lacked in structure, it also lacked in substance. So much emotion fluttering out across a screen reflecting only bitter thoughts for a time, and I guess, with this, I found it extremely hard to even consider it poetry.

This doesn't, of course, mean I think little of you or the idea behind this. I almost guarantee that its a stylistic choice being the reason for my not abundant amount of appreciation. Just that, if anything, I should really like to see you write something with such thick and immense emotion without the need for annihilating some form of structure and or grammar.

Anyways, sorry for being a buzzkill,
~Walker

I have to say, this reminds me of Eminem.

I loved the piece, though there are some things I have to say.

First off, I have to say that because of the intercourse lines and sweraing, you have to put a warning of some kind in the description. Like an 18+ If a moderator reads this the person will say the same.

To the writing. Well. It's horrible. The grammar and all is just terrible. Maybe you should have made stanzas out of it and made it an epic poem. I don't know. But the way it's written. A huge block, and lot's of words capitalized... It was hard to read, it looked stupid, and the words you capitalize aren't key words. That is something you have to thing about too in this kind of text. If you capitalize a word, it has to be a key word.

It's not that I disliked this, but the way you write made me go ROFLMAOWTFISTHISDAMNTHEHECKROFLTOASTERBULLYSHITBOOMRAKKARAKKARAKKAARGHBLARGH BOOMBLASTERFUCK...

Now I have that out. I love the raw emotion, the feelings, the personal writing. I guess this is your first piece, and to tell the truth. My first piece was just like this. Raw emotion, kinda stupid feeling, and special. You should rather post this as a blog entry. But if you work more, I am SURE you will make something REALLY great. See. Here I capitalize words that are important. You should NOT use that in a story, but in a review it works quite fine *smiles*

Anyways. Fix the blcoky thing, make stanzas out of it maybe. It would be a cool epic poem(Epic Poems=Longer poems that tell a story. Very unusual nowadays).

Well, lovely piece but ruined by horrible writing. But I loved it, strangely enough.nI'm sorry for being so harsh, but I think you need it.

One last note. NEVER, and I say it again. NEVER shorten words like years into yrs. That can be used when people talk, but NOT in the text itself. Thank you.

Love, Bob Walker!

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B buoying

I honestly and humbly accept and appreciate the insight and suggestions from all of you and the others that may come. Please allow me to explain this particular work, I actually wrote this with a flurry of emotions reigning upon me and it generated a ton of emotional confusion that i was unable to put into perspective but I felt the need to let it out in this poem. These emotions were a cruel mixture of anger, envy, hate, hurt, insecurity and the list goes on. Also, I wrote this in 45 mins which probably explains the bizarre nature of it. Furthermore, this was based on a relationship i had with a very beautiful girl who said she loved me so much, but left me with no explanation one day and never returned. This also explains why it's so disjointed and choppy throughout and also because of the pressure i felt to describe in the poem how i felt at that particular time. So ultimately i was emotionally confused and anxious at the same time. I hope this helps

It's good, yet it feels like there is something missing. I look for complete and clearly painted pictures, and it was clear, but it didn't seem complete to me, and some of the descriptions do make some of the parts awkward...even a little bizarre. I don't mean to be critical in any way, I am just saying what I am feeling about this...okay, I guess I was somewhat critical, but don't take it the bad way. I just wish that the descriptions were a little more like fluid...like instead of saying: "petting a furry white cat-purring little girl", you could have said "petting something furry and white for the little girl you are", allowing the readers to imagine anything that comes to mind that's furry and white. This is just my opinion.

I find this piece to be truly a tectonic force. Volcanic in its ability to evoke emotions and stir the gently purring soul of the reader.

I do agree with Aet above that there are some issues with it being disjointed. I do, however, contend that this disjointed presentation adds to the mood of the piece. Really, it must be a maelstrom of emotions you are caught in, and as we all know, maelstroms rarely leave vessels intact enough to be recognised.

At least that is what I took away from it. A painful, stormy and confused moment in time captured on the page, truly something that must be read to be believed.

Having said what I have said, abbreviations like "smh" do not belong as they detract from the gravitase of the work. Maybe given our digital age and ever evolving language, there will be a day when "smh" will be credible to use in a work such as this, but that day is not today.

This is certainly something. I mean, it's not good, the capital words and exclamation points aren't necessary at all and it's all very disjointed, awkward, and bizarre.

But it definitely evoked emotion, and I do encourage you to write more, because I did... enjoy reading this, in some sense. It's got a unique touch to it.

I would recommend looking at this again with a clear head. There are a few typos, and some places where you used abbreviations like "smh" which are completely unnecessary in a poem excepting very specific choices by the writer, but I think this was more of an oversight on your part rather than an artistic choice. In addition, it jumps around quite a lot, and the narrative is simply... indescribable.

~Aet Who Is Secretly Janae