Published December 5, 2009
Trespassing
Lines between memories and emotions
Blur, slur, and fade away
As you bring up the events of the past
Of what, who we once were
But I can’t let this call me away
To let down guard to temptation’s sway
So that hen I realize you’ve changed
My heart is twice broken, in vain
Fleeting feelings and wishful whims
In time, in hope, forever dims
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139,486 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Hey Ink, I'd like to first start out by saying that I really liked this piece, you've got a great style that I envy. You've got an awesome flow, and way of rhyming that I think is wonderful. There are a few little things I'd like to point out.
It isn't necessary to capitalize the beginning letter in every line. Poetry follows the same rules as prose, capitalize after periods, proper nouns, etc. Also add some punctuation...it really makes a differenceI like how the last two lines rhymed, but that's just me.
hone=when.
Besides that, good job. I guess her heart is twice broken because she loved him once, left him and then came back to realize he'd been changed (?)
This line is a little obscure. Forever dims in hope of what? I think it should be
In time, with hope, forever dims
But maybe I'm misunderstanding your poem :/
Anyways, great job and keep writing
EMpress
PLEASE READ MY SIGNATURE!
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I think the title refers to the fact that memories of someone keep distracting him that the author might have termed it "trespassing" since it is unwanted.
It's a really nice read. I find it somewhat fulfilling even thought it's short.
one quick question: I didn't get how the title related to the poem. I loved the first line. Your rhyme scheme was a tad random. Not bad, though.