The Cold One (Part 2)

by Inkdropsonpaper

Published January 8, 2010

I was sitting on a bench in the hospital, it was a cupple of minutes to one in the morning and I had over heard a nurse saying what room Jack was in. I wiped my jeans with my hands as I stared at the clock above Jack's room. No one made eye contact with me, no one was noticing me. Suddenly there was a beep, I looked above the door of the room and a sign with a read light on it saying "Open for visiters" had illuminated. It was my chance to see Jack and see if he was ok.I took the slow steps to the room, I reached out and pushed door gently which swung open.

" I didnt even push it that hard." I thought.

I walked into the poor light of the room and saw Jack laying there almost lifeless. I sat next to his bed and touched his hand his hand was so warm. Scratches apon his face were going to make deep scars.I scratched my head as I looked on, his eyes were dull and dark around is sockets, his face as white as the snow outside. His hand clenched on to something, I slid it out of his grasp and noticed it was a picture of me. I turned the image around, I noticed that there was writing I began to read it.

"Hareiet- Summer 1992-

Dear Jack, This is a picture of Harriet. I kept it and I wanted to give it to you to hold. She always loved you.

Yours and Harriets best Friend (Always)- Kayleigh"

"And I still do" I smiled

I placed it back into his hand. I stared out into the corridor, no one had visted. It was strange that I didnt see Kayleigh when she visted late last night, and she would have come up to me if she saw me. I knew this for sure. I impatiently waited hoping Jack would wake to see me. It was 9:30 and the sun was risen. Jack was beginning to wake up,excited rose from my seat.

" Hareiet?!, Harriet!?!,"

"I'm here, its ok, I am hear. I love you" but he continued to shout out my name.

The nurse came in and calmed him down. I sat back in my chair confused and frightened.

"Where's my girlfriend. Where is she?" he said

"I AM HERE FOR GODSAKE!" I shouted.

The nurse took a long pause before speaking again.

"Jack, I dont know how to tell you this, or how to put it easier for you to understand. Harriet... She didnt make the crash. I'm sorry."

"What!?!" I thought, my eyes filling up with tears.

"No. I... I dont believe you. Your lying. Your a liar. She couldnt have. I was in the front I was supposed to die. It wouldnt of happened like that, it couldnt have."

"I am sorry. It did" The nurse left him crying

"No...Harriet I need you. I need you."

He picked up the photo and read it. My eyes were swallen with tear which was streaming from my face. Was I dead?. I loved him, we were going to get married. I could have died.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
EmiAnne
Review
EmiAnne wrote a review Review · Apr 1, 2010

I like your story a whole bunch!

:D I like how you progress up to her being dead, from her worrying all the way up to her yelling at the nurse, then realizing the truth.
:arrow: Go back and revise for grammar and spelling. Maybe just copy/paste into a word document and let it do that for you... but it was sort of distracting to see so many little typos.
:?: So even though she is a ghosty-thing, she can pull a photo out of Jack's hand? Huh?

User avatar
Ikafe
Review
Ikafe wrote a review Review · Apr 1, 2010

Oh...I love it...you put so much emotion in to it. Oh I want to read more. When is the next chapter coming out. I actualy nearly started to cry. Oh such a love story, they were supposed to get married and now she's dead, life is so not fair...But it's such a good story... :elephant: :elephant:

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Sophia_x
Review
Sophia_x wrote a review Review · Jan 13, 2010

I really really liked this :)

you write with such emotion i don't think you even realise it. I like how she processes the the thoughts about what happenned with the crash and the fact that she's dead. All of the responses to things were really well thought out.

I can't wait til part 3. put it up already! :)

x

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Nick101
Review
Nick101 wrote a review Review · Jan 8, 2010

Oh my God. And I thought Part 1 was amazing! This was even better! You potray emotions very well, that's a talent that some writers take a while to learn. You have some typo errors but I know you can edit that later. I thought this story was wonderfully written but sad. I loved it!
PM me when you post the next installment!

And welcome to YWS!

KaylaLovesATL_x wrote a review Review · Jan 8, 2010

This is a very intriguing story!
There should have been a bit more punctuation, but apart from that I thought it was well written :)

I will definitely be keeping an eye out for Part 3 :D

~ Mikayla x



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