Chapter 1
Kyro, a poor man that needs money, took on a debt of one million dollars just to put food on the table for his younger siblings and mother. The people he took the loan from told him he has 2 years to get the money back. It was the 1650s and the golden age of pirates so he decided to take off for the treasurer. “Bye mom please use the money that I took out for bills and food” kyro said sadly “Goodbye, Kyro,” replied his mother. He left with only a dagger and a boat. “This is the start” he shouted as he set sail for the ocean not knowing if he would come back or not. As night came and day went, he realized he had no rations. “Damn it” he whispered but then as if it was magic he saw an island there was a town on it. But he saw the flag of Blackbeard. The ship's flag had a skeleton with horns, and he knew he was dealing with a legend but when he got closer no one was in it, then he saw the fire that was spreading from the town he went on the jolly roger stealing it, but it had food but no weapons. He stole it with only a dagger, and no one will know but then he saw black beard on the island, and he was pissed. Kyro sailed off quickly, relieved he screwed up and just stole from a mythical man. As he kept sailing, he realized he needed a crew. Then for the next five days he sailed and found another village, but this one was bigger. As he roamed around, he saw a lot of valuables but then he saw a gunman practicing. He walked up to him “hey do you want to join my crew” he said to him he was wearing ragged clothes and had very little sleep because of the storms “why should I join you when you look poorer than a farmer with only a field” said the gunman with a scruffy beard and hair wearing oversized clothes. “Because we can get rich and you'll be able to get off this island” said kyro “fine only if I can take revenge on the man that killed my family and purged this town” said the gunman “okay and what is your name” replied kyro “the names max” said max. Kyro nodded and they went to a bar and robbed the place of all the money and ran to their boat and sailed off. They were counting how much, and it was close to half a million “oh my god I'm close to being free” kyro said while laughing max side eyed him. “What do you mean close to being free” said max suspiciously. “I have a million-dollar debt” kyro said sadly
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140,258 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
hope you guys like it im going to be doing 6 more chapters
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review! This is a review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start: I was drawn to this piece because of the quick summary-- we love a good desperation story, even if it has to do with wealth and money. I have a few suggestions, but first I'll mention what I enjoyed and loved about this piece!
Favorite Leaf:
I'm not very familar with this time era (the 1650s), but I do appreciate the fact that you gave us some sort of context for the setting! One million dollars is a lot of debt, and I'm wondering if that type of money was even around for collecting back in the 1650s? Either way, you gave us some context which is great.
We don't get much of a description of Kyro throughout this chapter, so it was nice getting this little detail. Adding more lines like this can make it easier for the reader to imagine how the characters look-- and in this case, Kyro is the Protagonist, so that's pretty important :3
Shell Fractures:
Everything in red = my edits. I didn't want to paste the whole chapter, but you get the idea! Be careful with run-on sentences and repetitive wording like "it". It can make the chapter a bit hard to read, and can be fixed by adding commas or periods to start new sentences!
The pacing is also extremely fast, I would propose adding a bit more description. What did the car look like? How does his mother look? if he's leaving his mother to go get money for them, wouldn't he take in her features? How did he feel about needing to do this for his family, before he left? A nice exposition will help ease whoevers reading into the setting and premise of your story!
Overall:
Overall, this was a pretty good start! I like the premise of the story, and I think with a few polishes on grammar, pacing, and word choice, you'll be golden! It's always nice to run your work through something like Word-Check so you can check for any grammar mistakes. Thank you for sharing, and I hope to see you around the site!
Happy Writing~
Hey there! Just wanted to pop by and leave a nice review!
First of all, this is a really great start for a new story. I love how you introduced the character and his struggles with debt as he tries to save his family, which motivates him to become a pirate in hopes to pay off that debt before the two years are up. I also really liked the part where he steals from Blackbeard, that was rather funny 
I think my only critique would be that the formatting is a just a little bit confusing, and there are a few times where there are a few capitalization errors for some of the names/beginning of sentences. But other than that, this is such a nice story! I can not wait to see what happens next in future chapters! ^^ Keep up the amazing work! <3
- Bella