Immerse.

by IndiaRubber

Published June 2, 2012

My friend committed suicide a few weeks ago. This is a poem I wrote the other day while I was sitting by the levee, thinking about her.
 


She stands,
a pale statue of youth, burrowing naked feet
into coarse grains of wet sand
Charcoaled against a starless, rayless sky,
a fragile silhouette
balancing on the edge.
 
 
her breath transforms into ocean mist
summoning the tide from a broken shore
 
     it crawls up into the surface
                          and recedes
  
Calloused heels slip away
from the fists of the rocks, and pull toward it
 
 
Ankle deep
in oceanic ink
halos in the water
diffuse from her skin
and roll out into the sea.

Knees immersed.
the current glides across the hem
of a skirt sinking silently
into sapphire.
 
Wading in deeper, the translucency climbs up her thighs
clenching her pulse
wrapping around her waist
 
as she waits
 
From shoulders to neck, it rises
tousling her limbs
as her feet drag her
under the lurid depths of the ocean

 
The crashing waves
throw sparkles on her face
holding in itself, a pool of wishes
released
flooding over lashes
rippling eyelids
and cheek
 
to be granted by the torrent
as it swallows her whole.
Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
angelhunter97
Review
angelhunter97 wrote a review Review · Jun 5, 2012

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. She must have meant a great deal to you. This poem is so deep and fits with its theme perfectly, though the inspiration is tragic :( . The way you describe everything is insanely amazing. This is so touching and personal, as I can only imagine. It must have been very painful to see your friend as you wrote this. Just reading this and knowing how it came to be sparks tears in my eyes. I'm very sorry.

User avatar
silverfin713
Review
silverfin713 wrote a review Review · Jun 5, 2012

You've probably heard it too many times, but I'm sorry about your friend. This poem reflects how beautiful she must have been.

I love the images you create in my mind. The word choice is vivid, powerful, yet delicate at the same time. Some lines I love:

She stands,
a pale statue of youth, burrowing naked feet
into coarse grains of wet sand
Charcoaled against a starless, rayless sky,
a fragile silhouette
balancing on the edge.

And:
Ankle deep
in oceanic ink

I really love that line "oceanic ink". It's so unique, and just flows off the tongue.

The whole poem presents such a dark subject in a really compelling and captivating way.
Thanks for sharing it with us.

User avatar
qaralynn
Comment
qaralynn commented Comment · Jun 3, 2012

A really beautiful write. <3 I am so sorry that you lost your friend =( *huggles tight*
You're in my prayers and if you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open.

This a really touching poem and I want to thank you for sharing this with us.
<3

User avatar
TazmaniaGirl
Review
TazmaniaGirl wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2012

This is amazing.
I am really sorry about your friend. She must have been a great freind, for you to write this poem.

This poem is very touching, it reaches out and touces you right in the heart, and that's a really good thing.
The amout of effort you must have put into this is extrodinary, and it's totally worth it.
The detail is also exstordinary, every little thing had been put into this poem, and that's whats makes it worth while to read.

I really can't think of anything bad, and I am wll and truely sorry for you loss.
Please, keep wrting, and in the future, I can tell you are oing to be a famous poet.

User avatar
creativityrules
Comment
creativityrules commented Comment · Jun 3, 2012

Wow. This is so beautiful. It's also the first thing I've read in ages that made me want to cry. Great work.

User avatar
InTheTrees
Comment
InTheTrees commented Comment · Jun 2, 2012

Beautiful imagery,


She stood, (But should this be "stands"?)
a pale statue of youth, burrowing naked feet
into coarse grains of wet sand
Charcoaled against a starless, rayless sky,
a fragile silhouette
balancing on the edge

That's all :3
I've seen few pieces of poetry on here with this level of craft.



HONK
— The Golden Goose