.

Uhm...

Excuse me for being such an idiot, but what did this have to do with serial killers?

*shakes head*

Yeah, like Crysi said, it's really deep, and who am I to tear apart something like this? But you know me (or at least you shoud ), so I'm going to anyway.

"Summer rain is disgusting, and I feel empty right now."- *nods slowly* Riiiight.

It's humid, and I like cheesecake. Realize how stupid that sounds?

In your piece, you have two pretty good lines that you string together- but they have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Love them...just not together. Figure out how to flesh them apart and say them separately, or you'll get the stupid people like me laughing their heads off about the first line and not really paying attention to the rest of the writing.

"…a flood of reality."- It sounds like you were stuck and had absolutely no idea what to put in front, so you just left it be. Not good. You do the same thing later, which put me off...I know it's a style, but not a good one.


"These relationships will probably lead to something…yet they don’t change anything."- Don't use the word 'relationships'. This made me laugh too...you had a great, meaningful, slightly metaphorical section and then you end it with this. 'Relationships' makes me thing of a soap opera...or my school...not good. I just don't like this entire sentence...get rid of it. (It sounds a hell of a lot better without it.)

" they eat weeds and leaves and…lily pads,"- Somehow, I just don't associate lily pads with Sudan. Could just be me...

'everyone is interchangeable.'- Holy shoes, I get it now. Gimme a cookie...

Wow. I love that line...it's so true. Honestly.

'We stared back. It was really weird and I experienced a spontaneous kind of internal sensation, I feel I’m moving toward as well as away from something, and everyone is interchangeable.'-

I have no idea why I love that as well. Must keep that in the back of my head...

'The distinction between alive and present has been blurred from excessive years of spiraling downward into the darkest chasm that has been waiting to suck us into the grips of death. Because we don’t want to know people we want to them to be a connection, nobody wants your shit and suicide isn’t an option so what is?'-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

That's just pure...brilliance...amazing...*gapes*


At the end you say that 'this is how I feel', but I truly think it's universal...once I finally got it I understood (at least partially) most of what you described you were feeling. I've felt it before, in strangled, very dumbed-down ways, but still. Same thing.

And yes, I'm done now. Celebrate.

Wow, this is.. deep. Very thoughtful. I'm going to have to read this a few more times. Soak it in a bit more.

Subtle and unpretentious, which makes me very proud. I am after all the one who endlessly suffered retinal damage due to the melodrama content of some of your early works.


psst comment on this people, and learn from it.