Rail, the 11-year-old male with shoulder length, dirty-brown hair could hardly keep his blue eyes open, but still he overcame the urge to just drop down onto the hard tarmac. His muscles felt like blocks of wood, and it showed in the ridged and slow way he shambled along the desolate street. He had never traveled this far before.
He wandered a further four blocks, past the wrecked buildings of the long ago ravaged New York. Out of those that seemed safe enough to shelter in, he saw some heads peeping out and looking at him. It made sense that he would be an object of interest; it was just beginning to become night. No-one was out at this time, because this is when the monsters hunted.
Rail knew it wasn’t safe. But he had no choice. If he didn’t find what he was looking for he would just be another corpse in a world that already had enough of them. His eyes threatened to close again, but before they completely shut he caught a glimpse of what he needed, a violet fern-like plant sticking out of one of the many cracks in a building.
It was low enough that he didn’t have to climb up to reach it. He could just walk by and snatch it.
The instant he did see it, his eyelids flew open, his muscles jerked into action, and he made a mad dash to the street corner where he saw the plant. But although his muscles were working properly, the sudden burst of action gave him shooting pains through his legs. He ignored them.
The plant was known as “Violet Wonder,” due to it's stranger nature, and multitude of effects, that are often dependent of the user. The one effect everyone has in common is addiction. Most everyone got hooked on the instant the pollen entered their bodies. And because people could hardly function without it, it became a sort of currency.
As Rail reached the plant, he started smiling. You can get the stem, go back to your home, and never travel this far again, he thought. He slowed. His muscles were too stiff to go fast, and he was nearly there.
It was a mistake.
He was taken aback by the big and fleshy monster passing him. It walked on its two thick, metre-long legs. It had a wide chest, covered in small black bumps, which occasionally erupted a red substance over its pinkish shin. The substance looked too thick to be blood.
It trudged towards Rail. It had a round, fat head with no eyes, or ears. The head did have one large mouth from which protruded broad tusks. Since it had no eyes it was obviously blind. So in order to tell what Rail was, it extended its oddly long and thin arms out to him so that it looked like it was about to hug him, but it certainly was not.
It felt all over Rail, smearing some of the red substance of Rail’s already ruined and filthy clothes. He didn’t mind too much that his clothes were being destroyed further, but he did mind that the substance smelt like rotten fish. He breathed through his mouth, but his eyes still stung and watered with the intensity of the smell.
After it was satisfied it knew what Rail was, it continued lumbering along and left him alone to collect the Violet Wonder plant. Rail plucked the glorious plant out of the crack in which it grew. He smiled and looked at it with desire and awe, but before he could take the bite he had suffered for, someone yelled from a derelict grocery shop across the street, “Stop, boy! I’ve got a rifle ‘ere, and unless you want to be the third person I shoot today, you’ll bring that Violet Wonder to me.” Their voice was raspy and tired, one that had endured much.
Rail didn’t want to go near the person. He sounded scarier than the monster, and although he didn’t have parents for the past two years, he knew that he should keep well away from strangers, especially ones like him.
But if he did turn and run away then he would be shot, however he might be lucky and the man might miss. He wouldn’t take that chance.
He scampered towards the building with the Violet Wonder in hand. The longer he went without consuming the thing he so longed for, the more he felt as if he would never get to. His mouth watered and his stiffness began to return.
The door to the building had no paint, and was dotted with bullet holes and knife stabs. Other than that it was in pretty good condition. It still had a working lock.
After a minute the door swung open. The black haired man who stood there snatched the Violet Wonder from Rail’s small hands. The man’s voice sounded older than he looked. He seemed to be around 20. His clothes were stained, his face was angry, his lips were dry, and his hair was dotted with white specks that looked like sand. If someone had lived in a desert their whole life, this is what they would look like, “You’re smart for a… err… 10-year-old?”
“I’m eleven,” shyly said Rail. He knew that the more he talked the more he risked saying something that would enrage this man. He was right.
He felt a unexpected sting on his wrist when the man slapped him there, “I’m eleven, sir. Is what you are supposed to say. You got that?” he growled.
“Yes, sir,” said Rail, trying not to cry in front of this man. It was never good to show weakness in front of anyone. Another thing he knew without his parents ever telling him.
“Good. Now why didn’t that thing eat you?” he asked. “Wait,” he said and sniffed. He then gagged and said, “You stink as bad as something that died. Go wash yourself in that room,” He pointed to a door, this one with no lock, “And don’t use too much water or else I’ll slap you again.”
He yanked Rail out of the doorway and shoved him in the direction of the room where he was supposed to wash himself. Rail slowly walked there. He glanced back at the man and saw that his face said hurry the hell up. So Rail walked a bit faster
The shelves of the store had been raided, and just about everything was dented, scratched or broken. Rail spotted the occasional speck of dried blood. It was evident that this place has seen many battles. He hoped he would not participate in future ones.
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. It had a large tub of water in the middle and some mouldy sponges. The water in the tub looked so dirty; Rail doubted it would improve his smell in the slightest.
He searched around hurriedly, and found some cans of air freshener lying about. Rail sprayed a bit of that on himself, causing him to cough a bit and his eyes to sting. He hoped that the man wouldn’t mind.
He came out and saw the man sitting down by a small table; he beckoned Rail to sit on the other side. Rail did as instructed.
The man sniffed again, “Better. Now the answer to my question?”
“What question?” Rail asked.
He slammed his fists on the table in frustration, “I’d hit you, but we have too much to discuss. But don’t think I won’t do it, if you really make me mad,” He said, “Why didn’t the thing eat you?”
“Oh, right. Sorry, sir,” Rail apologized, “The thing didn’t eat me because I am a like it. I’m a monster.”
“You ain’t a monster. You’re a little boy,” the man laughed, “Now don’t waste my time. If you don’t know, it’s fine. Kids don’t know much.”
“But I do know, sir. I am a… yet-to-be-monster,” explained Rail. “If I don’t get Violet Wonder every few days then I feel really bad. Then eventually I’ll turn into a monster. My parents told me when they were alive, they saw it happening to my brother…”
The man was quiet for a while. Then said “Know what? I believe you. Monsters gotta come from somewhere don’t they? And you got proof; that thing not eatin’ you,” said the man.
He gave Rail a bit of the Violet Wonder, which he eyed hungrily for a second. Then quickly devoured. Instantly his muscles began to get loose, and he felt a bit more relaxed. “We can’t have you eatin’ me. So where your parents at now?”
“They also turned into monsters. I’ve been on my own for the past two years.”
“Family of monsters, eh? Not that the past matters. You’ll be working for me from now on,” smirked the man.
“What kind of work?” asked Rail.
“Not really work, you’ll be my slave and collect Violet Wonder for me. Which I will sell, and of course give you enough to keep you working. I’m going to be rich!”
“I don’t want to be a slave,” whispered Rail.
“Oh, if you don’t want to you, can go home, and I’ll give you a truck of Violet Wonder,” sarcastically remarked the man. After a pause he simply said, “You don’t have a choice.”
There was always a choice, thought Rail. It’s just the safer choice that would keep you alive for longer is the one most people chose most of the time. His parents taught him that was the smart thing to do.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The man got up, groaned a bit, and opened it. Three people came in: One was a female older teenager with half her head bald. The other half had blonde spiked hair. It reminded Rail of the sun and the moon.
Her clothes were of the improvised sort, but they still looked nice on her. Her face was delicate, but it still looked rough and determined. Determined to do what Rail didn’t know. He guessed it was to do what everyone was trying to do; survive.
The other two people were a burly elderly man and slim thirtysh woman; they were both dressed in dark grey rags, and held the ends of a rope that was tied around the teenager’s hands. “This one tried to escape again, Neal,” said the woman. Rail could see she was missing teeth.
The man who was next to me said to the captured teenager, “You’re in for a beating then.” The two people took her to the back room, where Rail assumed she would be beaten. “You saw those two people? The woman’s my sister, and the man my father. If you try to run away they’ll find you and bring you back. The girl is my other slave.”
“How’d you find her?” asked Rail.
“How’d I find her? Why in God’s name would you be asking that, when you just learned you are now my slave?”
“I don’t know. I just ask questions,” said Rail as he lowered his head.
“Well don’t. It’s gonna get on my nerves.”
Rail said, “Okay, sir.”
The man guided Rail to the front door, “No sense in keepin you round when there’s Violet Wonder to be collected. So, go and bring me back as many as you can. If you’re gone to long remember what I said about my sister and father.”
Neal unlocked the door and pushed Rail outside. A furious wind has started and it nipped at Rail’s face. He looked back at Neal’s annoyed expression, “Go!” he said. Rail quickly ran in search of Violet Wonder. Neal yelled after him, “I expect at least five stems!”
Once Rail had travelled past a few buildings, he thought it was safe to cry now that no-one could see him. Warm tears burst from his eyes, and short sobs escaped his throat.
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Let me just start out by saying that I loved this story. I am a big fan of post- apocaliptic sci-fi, and I love well written post-apocalypic sci-fi. This is no exception. I loved the entire story. It was extremely interesting and really highlighted the fact that people will do anything to survive and for money. There are just a few revisions that I have:
1 "that no-one could see him" no-one should be no one (no hyphenation)
2 you might want to change "“I’m eleven,” shyly said Rail." to "I'm eleven," Rail said shyly.
3 and "One was a female older teenager" should just be "One was a female teenager" because there are no other teenagers in the story
Hey there,
okay, Though I am not a lover of this genre, I feel that you have a good story. This has potential. Your prose is quite good. this wasn't one of those I-don't-know-what-is happening kind of sci-fi. Yet it wasn't horror either. it seemed like a simple story set in the future.
I like your idea. the flower being the remedy. I felt, that you could explain a teeny bit more exactly what the monsters were or how they came into existence in this place that as supposed to be New-York.
The plant was known as “Violent Wonder,” due to how just about everyone needed it
This sentence is not clear. Though I am getting the gist of what you're trying to say, you might want to rephrase that.
Three people came in: One was a female older teenager with half her head bald
Older teenager sounds weird. There are no other teenagers in the story so I feel it's not even necessary to put it.
Anyway, this is a really good piece. Your descriptions are good. Keep writing.
Puck
And BTW, Welcome to YWS!!!
Thank you. This is one of the best reviews I've ever gotten. I'll work on that right away.
Also, I haven't thought of how the monsters work exactly. All I've thought is that that is what happens to certain people when exposed. A sort of extreme allergic reaction. I'm leaving the exact details to the reader to make up.