Dear Evelyn, words cannot describe
Words cannot describe what we have
Words cannot describe the way your eyes light up
Words cannot describe how you make me feel
Words cannot describe how we are one
Words cannot describe how beautiful you are, we are
Words cannot describe what we have
Words cannot describe, oh but they can
Love
Love is what we have
In love is how we feel
How we are
How we think, breathe, feel, act.
Words can describe.
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140,041 Literary Works • 672,885 Reviews
This is a pretty little poem! The speaker is very earnest and devoted to the subject, "Evelyn," expressing their all-consuming love for them.
Some of my favorite lines:
This line is just really pretty to me
I love how you distinguish having love from feeling love. It makes the emotions of this piece feel more real.
Here were a couple little issues I had:
The punctuation was a teensy bit errant. The only two periods are featured in the very last lines of the poem, which made the majority of the poem feel like a run-on (if that makes any sense). This may just be a stylistic choice, and it's not a problem, just something to watch. I'd personally recommend reading through your piece "speaking" the dialogue (ex: pausing at a comma, tonal shifts with line breaks, emphasize the italics, etc.)
This line felt somewhat jarring. You stack indescribable feelings on top of each other for the better part of the poem, before the speaker finally comes to the realization that what they and Evelyn have is indeed, "love." "Words can describe" Feels fragmented. Although it is implied that "words can describe what they have," it is still a slightly unsatisfactory ending to the piece. Maybe add in a phrase that finishes the piece? Or even, if you're resistant to changing it (totally fine), italicize the word "can?"
Despite some small issues, this piece was a lovely read, and I look forward to what you may accomplish in the future <3
Just a little note (P.S): I'm so happy that you decided to try your hand at poetry! Going forward, I have a little advice. Your descriptions are a bit on the nose, which is totally fine at this stage in your journey. As a next step (whenever you're ready to take it), I'd try adding a bit more nuance to your pieces. Even if it's just a couple lines that are "quieter" than the rest, if you know what I mean. Nuance and tonal variety add more depth and emotion to already emotional pieces. But all things aside, I'm glad you joined YWS!