Dear Evelyn, words cannot describe
Words cannot describe what we have
Words cannot describe the way your eyes light up
Words cannot describe how you make me feel
Words cannot describe how we are one
Words cannot describe how beautiful you are, we are
Words cannot describe what we have
Words cannot describe, oh but they can
Love
Love is what we have
In love is how we feel
How we are
How we think, breathe, feel, act.
Words can describe.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,048 Literary Works • 676,454 Reviews
Hello!
I really like how simple this poem is while still getting the feeling across. The repetition of “Words cannot describe” works well because it feels like the speaker is genuinely struggling to put their feelings into words. I also liked the shift when the poem goes from “Words can’t describe” to “oh but they can,” because it gives the ending a nice little twist. The emphasis on Love makes it feel like the speaker has finally found the one word that explains everything.
This is such a pretty poem!
Loved it<3
Damn, I might need to diet because this is so sweet! If I was Evelyn, I’d be blushing right now. This is a beautiful poem, it captures that feeling of yearning that is so often missed in romance, where it feels like the most important thing in the world. It’s very simple but I feel it conveys your feelings very well and very lovely. I think as far as first poems go, this is a high start!
Thank you so much, that is extremely kind... I might just start doing poetry more often
This is great, man!
This is a pretty little poem! The speaker is very earnest and devoted to the subject, "Evelyn," expressing their all-consuming love for them.
Some of my favorite lines:
This line is just really pretty to me
I love how you distinguish having love from feeling love. It makes the emotions of this piece feel more real.
Here were a couple little issues I had:
The punctuation was a teensy bit errant. The only two periods are featured in the very last lines of the poem, which made the majority of the poem feel like a run-on (if that makes any sense). This may just be a stylistic choice, and it's not a problem, just something to watch. I'd personally recommend reading through your piece "speaking" the dialogue (ex: pausing at a comma, tonal shifts with line breaks, emphasize the italics, etc.)
This line felt somewhat jarring. You stack indescribable feelings on top of each other for the better part of the poem, before the speaker finally comes to the realization that what they and Evelyn have is indeed, "love." "Words can describe" Feels fragmented. Although it is implied that "words can describe what they have," it is still a slightly unsatisfactory ending to the piece. Maybe add in a phrase that finishes the piece? Or even, if you're resistant to changing it (totally fine), italicize the word "can?"
Despite some small issues, this piece was a lovely read, and I look forward to what you may accomplish in the future <3
Just a little note (P.S): I'm so happy that you decided to try your hand at poetry! Going forward, I have a little advice. Your descriptions are a bit on the nose, which is totally fine at this stage in your journey. As a next step (whenever you're ready to take it), I'd try adding a bit more nuance to your pieces. Even if it's just a couple lines that are "quieter" than the rest, if you know what I mean. Nuance and tonal variety add more depth and emotion to already emotional pieces. But all things aside, I'm glad you joined YWS!