I remember the last time I saw you since my dreadfully silent coma.
You smiled because of a stupid joke I told you. The joyful little curls in your brown hair bounced a bit when you sat up, off my porch swing. You hugged me, and it felt like a million moons had blessed me. Your sweet toothy grin will always hold a special place in my memory. I told you that I loved you, so you kissed me. I saw you in a new light for the first time. It was as if you had grown angel wings and sprouted a halo out of the top of your head. Your soft, caring eyes gleamed with the most care and love I've ever seen.
Then a girl in an unflattering red Porsche pulled up into my driveway. Her tame, sandy blonde, straight hair could've won an award, where mine would have been ranked lower than the lowest place possible. Her piercing blue eyes could kill a thousand souls in an instant, where as my brown ones would painfully melt off someones skin in agony. Her long, slim, figure would fit perfectly in anyone's arms. My short, stubby legs and arms could send someone to a hospital. She walked up and onto my porch with a serious, vengeful look on her face, and tears streaming down her cheeks.
"You killed my brother!" She screamed in your face. You tried to back yourself up and tell her that it was an accident, but she didn't listen. She didn't care what you had to say. Her fury only grew, and the skin on her nose and between her eyebrows bunched together and turned a deadly shade of scarlet.
"You know it was an accident!" You pleaded, "I tried to stop him!
"Cory was my life! I took care of him, and you told him to kill himself!" She screeched and pulled out a knife from her black purse.
She stabbed you, so I pushed her off the porch. It didn't do either of us any good, as she just stood back up brushing herself off from the half of a foot drop. You cusp your hand over your stomach, blood seeping through your fingers. You fell to the ground, and my heart filled with dread. My very core shook with fear. I couldn't react, I was in so much shock. I tried to bolt over to you, but she forcefully grabbed my arm, pulling me towards her. I fell off the porch and tried to stand back up, but she took her six inch sword of death and thrust it into my back. The pain was unbelievable and unbearable. I fell onto the ground, my limbs numb. I couldn't move, but the last thing I saw was the corner of my concrete porch.
.--- . -. -. / .-.. --- ...- . ... / -- .- -..-
My vision faded from complete darkness to extreme light, and I slowly gained some sort of consciousness. I was laying on the hard bed in the chamber cell that is a hospital. My head hurt because of a light overhead that was infiltrating my vision. I squint to see the blurry silhouette of my parents. My mom's short, round figure looks like it has been welded into my dad's giant Goliath-sized frame. She had her head rest upon his shoulder, and they were sleeping in the hospital room chairs.
I wanted to call out to them, but I couldn't speak. Words and frustration buzzed around in my head, and I wanted to scream out. I wanted to ask them so many questions!
How long has it been? Months? Years?
Are you still alive?
The thought of you possibly being dead, your lifeless corpse lying somewhere suffocated under six feet of dirt kills me. The thought of you and your beautiful eyes came into my mind. Your curly hair, your lively spirit... Where are you?
A single tear fell from my right eye, and I hoped my parents noticed. I felt trapped, like I was in a cage and the red Porsche girl threw away the keys. I needed someone to notice that I was in here! Under this lifeless body is me! I'm here!
But out of the corner of my eye I watched my parents continue to sleep; they must be so tired. Suddenly a nurse walked in. Will she notice my tear? Will she sense my pain and agony of being trapped inside this hell that is my body?
-... ..- - / -. --- .-- / ... .... . / ..-. . . .-.. ... / .- .-.. --- -. .
They finally noticed I was awake a few months ago. I've been through so much physical and mental therapy, but I was desperate to get back on my feet. You haven't been at the hospital, and my parents ignore me when I want to talk about you; they tell me to drop the subject. I haven't been allowed to have my phone back to text you yet because the doctors and nurses say that it's best to wait a little while longer before I can focus closely on a screen. But I want to know how you're doing so badly!
Last night I was filled with determination to call you, so I sneaked out of my hospital bed quiet enough so my parents wouldn't hear. I slipped my hand into my mother's purse and grabbed my phone and tried to turn it on. To my misfortune, it was dead. I sighed and gently placed my phone back into her large, old, brown purse. I thought about using her phone, but then I realized that I couldn't even remember your phone number.
I grudgingly fell back into my bed and stared at the ceiling until I was able to fall asleep.
... --- / ... .... . / - .-. .. . -.. / - --- / ... .-.. . . .--.
I was finally able to leave that stupid hospital and go home! On the way there I asked my parents about you, and this time I was determined to know what you've been up to.
"Jennifer how many times do we have to tell you, just drop it! Max is fine," My mom responded in a very annoyed tone.
"Max is my best friend, Mom, I deserve to know how he's doing! Why do you always avoid this conversation?" I asked, clearly hurt.
My dad pressed his lips together and readjusted his feel on the steering wheel.
"Max moved," he responded. My mom shot him a worried glance, but he ignored her and continued on looking at the road. His eyebrows furrowed, creating lines tinged with worry and regret in his forehead.
I could feel hot tears beginning to form in my eyes.
Well at least his recovery went well, I thought. I tried to keep my mind on the bright side, but I missed you a whole lot. I wish you were in this car with me right now so that I could look into your dazzling brown eyes and know that everything would be okay.
-... ..- - / .... . .-. / -.. . -- --- -. ... / -.- . .--. - / .... . .-. / .- .-- .- -.- .
I lay in bed knowing it would be another sleepless night. The silent void rummaging it's way through my house made me desperate to leave. I decided to take a walk to get away from the silence. I was about to leave when I felt a shiver run up my spine. I heard my mother quietly sobbing in her bedroom. Fear shot through me like bullets, and I stood frozen. I eventually gathered enough courage to slowly walk over to my parents door. I listened.
"Tyler, when are we going to tell her?" I heard my mom ask, her voice wobbly.
"Hon, we can't, it'll break her heart. She's already been through so much," my dad responded.
"I know, but she needs to know!"
There was a short break of silence.
"We can't let her find out on her own, we just can't," my mother said pitifully through sniffles.
"I know, and it's almost her birthday..."
This time the silence lasted a bit longer.
"I can't imagine what poor Max's mother must feel like, I mean, she was barely able to pay for the surgery."
"Yeah, it's a shame the kid's gone."
"I know... I wish we could've taken Jenn to his funeral, they were so close."
My body tensed up, and a thousand knives rained down on me and obliterated my soul. Tears instantly began to spill over, and I cried as I rushed out of the house.
I know my parents only wanted me to feel okay because of what I've been through, but this hurt worse that when the Red Porsche freak stabbed me in the back. I ran down the lit up streets of New York and didn't care about the concerned faces few people gave me as I darted past them.
I ran until I found a damp alleyway and sat down in the darkness. I didn't want anyone to see me. My gentle tears slithered down my cheeks and onto my tightly fitting jeans. Why did this have to happen?
Why did you die?
Why did you give up?
- .... . -.-- / - --- .-.. -.. / .... . .-. / -- .- -..- / .-- .- ... / -.. . .- -.. / .- -. -.. / --. --- -. .
My eyes fluttered open to find nothing but white, empty space. I must've fallen asleep, but I was sure that I was awake now. I knew that I should've felt fear, but I physically couldn't; only peace, or maybe I couldn't feel anything at all. I couldn't really tell. The place that I was laying down in seemed endless. I tried to prop my head up and look around, but it took a lot of effort. I succeeded, but was only able to lift my head a few inches. I dropped my head back down in defeat.
I closed my eyes but only found darkness. This place of eternity, silence, and near paralysis was really getting to me. I opened my eyes again, but now I saw you coming towards me. Soon enough you were close enough to kneel down and gingerly place a hand on my shoulder. Something about you looked different, but I couldn't quite figure out why or what it was. You smiled at me and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally move, so I stood up, and you did too. Our gaze met and I could see why you looked different. Your eyes were white and a very shimmery gold. It was beautiful; it was like a million stars dancing around me, performing the perfect show.
You softly rest your hands on my back for a genuine hug. You slowly drew back from the hug, but kept your hands stationary. Our noses brushed against each other and you kissed me. Salty tears began to gush out of my eyes like Niagara Falls, and I finally felt something. I felt something that was unexplainable, and for some reason I knew I would never feel it again.
As we kissed my vision flipped back and forth between the alleyway I fell asleep in, and here; the place that was incomprehensible. I switched back and forth between fields of reality; my parents running up to me in the alleyway, shaking me violently trying to wake me up -- And back to you. I wrapped my arms around you tighter, feeling safer and safer. I saw visions of my parents crying and sobbing over my body that couldn't wake up.
You drew back and hugged me again, even tighter than before. I was still crying buckets of tears, not sure what I was feeling. You sincerley locked your gaze with me one more time, as if you never wanted to let me go before I abruptly plunged into complete darkness.