Published June 16, 2009
To write…
By: Quill
With gentle fingers, and staining ink,
Dwindling hours…
Marked by the swing of the pendulum,
The tolling of the clock
The melting of the wax
The flickering of the flame.
A patient hand…
Creating life,
From dead ink.
Breathing existence,
Into new worlds.
Giving shape,
To new souls.
An artist’s mind…
Lost in the swell of time,
To the passions of love,
In currents of loss,
And the tragedies of life.
To think,
And create.
To give,
And to take.
… That is to write.
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this is great,i really like it. but the first line dosn't fit. and what do you mean by "from dead ink"but other than that i think it flows well. however when you say "an artists mind" don't you mean " in an artists mind" and the last line "that is to write" i think that it is a fitting ending and you did very well on this poem
Ah, yes, my dear Cara.
I wrote a poem about writing. It got in the top 20 for the 2009 Reflections Contest.
I think these lines should be switched around. And maybe candle flame. So it would read:
The flickering of the candle flame
The melting of the wax.
As with most people, there are a few misplaced and unneeded punctuations.
But I loved this! It was way better than my poem about writing...
-Aly.
You have a very wonderful idea. Your expression is also very commendable.
your punctuation is a little faulty and makes your poem unnecessarily confusing.
With gentle fingers, and staining ink,
To start with,this sentence is terribly out of place. I don't see its connection
with the first stanza of the poem.
Dwindling hours…
I believe that a full stop or even a comma will do.
That will give a continuous thought .
This error seems to be quite common through your work and mostly uncalled for
A patient hand…
An artist’s mind…
Overall, this is wonderful. Good Job!
First of all, welcome to YWS.
If you look at this stanza carefully, you'll see that's just one sentence, but that's not the problem. Here you have one UNFINISHED sentence, unfinished thought. "An artist's mind...lost...". Like you have something else to say.
I find it hard to just pass by this poem. I noticed immidiately that you have a little punctuation problem. You'll need to fix that.
Also, it's a nice start for you, I liked the poem. I preffer not to write about poetry itself untill I have some experience (actually a lot of it), but that's only your choice.
-stay yourself