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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Awwwwwwwwwwww
So sweet
Good job
I don't know if you showed her this
But you should if you haven't
Good job!
The integrity of this poem really shines through - it evidently comes from the heart and it is this that makes it stand out. From a literary point of view, it flows very nicely. I like the rhythm - it is easy and pleasant to read, which compliments the subject matter.
However perhaps you could consider the use of more imagery? It may be a good idea to try and develop some of the imagery you already have, for example "Your lips are full and red". You could think of some more interesting ways of describing her lips. You could use more expressive words than 'full' and 'red', to flesh out the depth and meaning of your poem. Also, some metaphors might better illustrate your points. The more different and imaginative the better - to avoid cliches.
Overall, it is lovely, and I'm sure the girl it is intended for will love it
I did:)
It's really sweet
I's love if my bf did something this sweet to me .
But you could try to use more literary devices like metaphor , similie and things like that . They would make your poem less narrative and more interesting .
But the girl that this poem was for , sure is a lucky girl
Review:
I don't think you intended this to be a perfect poem, it's personal to who you are.
But if you do decide to do a bit of editing and make it in to a poem, start with structure, put it into stanzas, work on how it flows, and drop the last bit.
Try and make it more lyrical than conversational, try and use metaphorical sentences so that people can relate and interpret it in their own ways.
Sweet though.
I like the fact that you have made it personal...it's adorable
I don't know why, but it won't let me change the format. for the actual format, go here: http://writerfeedpad.com/KBtS0XMuRA