Hey Hero!I must say, I'm not as informed on the matter of Wall Street as I should be, so I'm not sure that I can be much help on your content-- but I will certainly read your piece, proof it for grammar and flow, and, hopefully, learn a thing or two from it! c:
overseeing Wall Street
Overseeing Wall street and credit rating agencies, stopping banks from gambling with depositors’ money, regulating risky derivates, bringing hedge funds trades into the light, increasing supervision of insurance companies, reforming the Federal Reserve, and a few other regulations (Amadeo, Kimberly).
Although, in this attempt to massively reform Wall Street and other entities of the economy, the act greatly expands the Federal Reserve-- to a point where some economic analysts feel that, “The focus of these companies will inevitably change, from how they beat their competition, to how they can gain the Fed’s approval for many activities.”
The problems before the near collapse of the United States’ economy were mostly due to unaccountably of huge entities of the financial system.
Although, even after all the reform in the bill, many people
no doubt,the essay was very well-written , rich with facts and very interesting and i sure learned a lot reading it from the vocab,the structure of the sentences and the paragraphs,i'am found of your way of writing and can't wait to read more of your stuff .
That was a good essay - the title definitely caught my eye, as this is an interesting topic to write about. I think you had a fairly put-together thesis, however at some points during the essay I thought things were a bit jumbled, as in ideas weren't as clear as they could have been and flow between paragraphs and major ideas didn't work as well as it could have. The introduction was strong in my opinion. There were a pretty decent amount of grammatical and capitalization errors which can be easily corrected. One sentence you say that "... reforming the Federal Reserve and a few other regulations." I personally don't think you need to be vague about saying 'a few other regulations' because you already have a large list of regulations - I would just cut it out all together.And the last thing I have to say is that I was confused by the sentence 'Dodd-Frank [reform] doesn't end 'too big to fail' and that'. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here, it would be great if it was clarified. Overall, this was an interesting essay to read, and although short and not very in-depth, I think it will earn you some marks!
I like the facts you have, its interesting. It's really good you have your work cited! Over all I really like this essay. Its organized very well. You're a great author. I'm very impressed. I dont even think I could write an essay this good! So keep up the good work! Oh and My favorite part was this ' The act was made by both Dodd Frank and Barney Frank and passed into law on July 21 2010 (Amadeo, Kimberly).' And your have great vocabally.xoxoxoxoxs,Love Katy.
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