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​The Truth of Dodd Franks Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act​​ ​

by ImHero


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Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:16 pm
ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Hey Hero!

I must say, I'm not as informed on the matter of Wall Street as I should be, so I'm not sure that I can be much help on your content-- but I will certainly read your piece, proof it for grammar and flow, and, hopefully, learn a thing or two from it! c:

overseeing Wall Street


Overseeing Wall street and credit rating agencies, stopping banks from gambling with depositors’ money, regulating risky derivates, bringing hedge funds trades into the light, increasing supervision of insurance companies, reforming the Federal Reserve, and a few other regulations (Amadeo, Kimberly).
~ I'm a fan of the Oxford comma anyway, and I think it's particularly necessary in this sentence, since you used 'and' earlier on in the sentence (...street and credit rating agencies...) to link two things-- and the 'and a few other regulations' isn't directly related to reforming the Federal Reserve.

Although, in this attempt to massively reform Wall Street and other entities of the economy, the act greatly expands the Federal Reserve-- to a point where some economic analysts feel that,The focus of these companies will inevitably change, from how they beat their competition, to how they can gain the Fed’s approval for many activities.
Just cleaned up the punctuation and capitalization a bit.

The problems before the near collapse of the United States’ economy were mostly due to unaccountably of huge entities of the financial system.
(It's due to the fact that politicians are levying taxes and 'entitlement' programs, making people more dependent on government support-- to the point that our beautiful capitalist nation is quickly turning communistic.)~ Sorry. I meant to keep opinion out of this piece...also, did you mean to use 'unaccountably' or did you mean 'unaccountability'?

Although, even after all the reform in the bill, many people

~

Your essay is very nice. It was written well. You did a good job of alternating between long and short sentences, and centralizing around a certain theme-- the Dodd-Frank Act. You cited a good number of works-- enough so that your work seemed credible, while, at the same time, few enough that your voice could be heard.

However, it was a bit difficult to see what your opinion of the Act is. At first, it seemed like you agreed with the act-- but then in the end, very briefly, you touched down on the concerns that many people have on the act. I'm not sure if you meant this merely as an informative essay or as persuasive essay.

As an informative essay, you did a very good job on it. It felt only slightly biased toward the Act. As a persuasive essay, you might have a bit more work to do, as I wasn't really convinced one way or another from this piece. I'm fairly certain how I feel, based on the information you gave here-- but I'm definitely going to research the Act further on my own to see just what all it contains.

So, I admit, your work captured my attention. Well done.

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




ImHero says...


I disagree with your comment but wont refute it because you gave such an awesome review. Thanks Shadow!



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Fri Jul 19, 2013 6:10 am
MAGIC says...



no doubt,the essay was very well-written , rich with facts and very interesting and i sure learned a lot reading it from the vocab,the structure of the sentences and the paragraphs,i'am found of your way of writing and can't wait to read more of your stuff .




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Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:08 am
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viadelleombre wrote a review...



That was a good essay - the title definitely caught my eye, as this is an interesting topic to write about. I think you had a fairly put-together thesis, however at some points during the essay I thought things were a bit jumbled, as in ideas weren't as clear as they could have been and flow between paragraphs and major ideas didn't work as well as it could have.
The introduction was strong in my opinion. There were a pretty decent amount of grammatical and capitalization errors which can be easily corrected.
One sentence you say that "... reforming the Federal Reserve and a few other regulations." I personally don't think you need to be vague about saying 'a few other regulations' because you already have a large list of regulations - I would just cut it out all together.
And the last thing I have to say is that I was confused by the sentence 'Dodd-Frank [reform] doesn't end 'too big to fail' and that'. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here, it would be great if it was clarified. Overall, this was an interesting essay to read, and although short and not very in-depth, I think it will earn you some marks! :)




ImHero says...


I already turned it in :(. I was angry 'cause my teacher just gave me 100% and said it was perfect, although I understand there was many essays. Thanks :). And yeah Sept I was going to go more in depth with it but I, for some reason, wasn't aloud to go over 3 pages. :(

OHH, that was just a weird combination of punctuation, I was required to put alot of quotes in the essay and I didn't have much room :(

Thanks! I was just using this to redefine my ideas for my next essay! I think me and you agree on mostly everything. Great minds think alike :P



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Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:05 am
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KatyyMayy says...



I like the facts you have, its interesting. It's really good you have your work cited!
Over all I really like this essay. Its organized very well. You're a great author.

I'm very impressed. I dont even think I could write an essay this good!


So keep up the good work!

Oh and My favorite part was this
' The act was made by both Dodd Frank and Barney Frank and passed into law on July 21 2010 (Amadeo, Kimberly).'
And your have great vocabally.
xoxoxoxoxs,
Love Katy.





The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain