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Makeup interest

by Ilovewriting321


My mom always told me I was going to be a doctor when I grew up since I was never afraid of blood or wounds. I'm not quite sure this is what she had in mind. Around the middle of 6th grade, I started to have an interest in makeup. At this point, it was regular makeup, the kind you put on to look better. I had always wondered about special fx imakeup, though. After a friend got me hooked on a tv show titled, “Face Off,” I really started to become fascinated with special fx makeup. It wasn't until this past summer that I started to experiment with it myself. I never really had a motivation to do anything before, but now I did. Every summer I go to camp and at my camp we have scary story night where all of the older kids create ideas to scare the younger campers. When we were planning what to do, someone had the idea for zombies. I offered that I could make some of the counselors look like zombies. I ended up turning about 5 people into zombies, each unique in their own way with different wounds and blood.

After I came home I from vacation, I continued to explore the possibilities of special fx makeup and what I could create. One reason that I believe I enjoy it so much is the freedom it gives to you. For as long as you have the makeup on, you’re no longer yourself. When you look in the mirror, you don’t see yourself but the thing you made. Sometimes I’ll do a look and not realize how close it is to dinner time. That means instead of Sally coming to the table you'll get a zombie,werewolf or alien creature. It’s a really weird feeling when you know you don’t look normal, but you can’t see yourself. You almost forget that you don’t look like you always do. I've been told by my parents multiple times that they can't even look at me cause of the makeup. But when your sister cringes when she looks at you, then you remember. You remember that you are wearing a mask that will be taken off and that you can't hide forever.


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Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:23 am
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Demeter wrote a review...



Hey there Ilovewriting! Welcome to YWS :)

The title drew me in, because what's not to love about makeup!

I agree with Iggy that you should explain what the fx makeup is for people who aren't as familiar with it as you. You could do the same thing about the Face Off program - of course I understand that it's a show that has something to do with faces and probably makeup, but I've never heard of it before. You could explain the premise of the show in just a few words to make the connection between the program and your interest in makeup more clear.

It's true that this is quite short to be an essay. It's obvious that you are passionate about this subject, so I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to make this longer! You could talk about the ways you practised doing the different looks - did you try the makeup on yourself, family members? How experienced were you at the point when you did the zombie makeup at the camp? What examples are there of the possibilities you can create? You mention them in passing but I don't know what they could be.

One thing to remember in any essay writing is that the reader doesn't usually know the same stuff as you - or if they do (they're a teacher of that subject or something), you're meant to write the essay assuming that the reader is new to the subject (at least that's what I've learnt). This doesn't mean explaining absolutely everything about the subject like to a child, but rather if you use names of places or people or TV programs, add a few describing words to make sure the reader is still on track. Like, instead of "Face Off" you could say "Face Off, a program where makeup artists compete in creating prosthetic makeup looks" (I just googled it now!). This way it's fair and easy for everyone who reads your essay.

Good luck! And by the way, I liked the way you ended the essay with the mask thing. :)


Demeter
x




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Sun Jan 18, 2015 8:38 am
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hello and welcome to YWS~

I'll get the technicalities out of the way.

special fx imakeup


Since this is your first time mentioning fx makeup, I suggest you explain what it is. I had no idea what it was and I imagine other people probably aren't sure what it is as well. Also, remove the i in front of makeup.

I offered that I could make


You can word this so much simpler. Try -- "I offered to make"

about 5 people


Five, not 5. Definitely spell numbers out, especially in an essay.

After I came home I from vacation,


Cut the random second I.

you'll get a zombie,werewolf


A space is needed between that comma and werewolf.


Okay, so there's the yucky nitpicks out of the way. Let's talk about how this is supposed to be an essay/article, a.k.a more technicalities.

As you know, essays are usually a five-paragraph format, with an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You've only got two paragraphs. Two solid ones, I will add, but nonetheless, not enough to quality this as an essay, technically speaking. Especially with your ending, seeing as how you kinda trailed off, like you meant to continue this and didn't; there is no conclusion here. No official tying up on all that you've been talking about.

Now, if we're gonna talk articles, same goes: an introduction and conclusion are needed. Not so much three body paragraphs; just enough to get your facts/story said and done. But like I said, the ending is loose. Work on it.

Moving away from boring stuff, lets talk about your work itself!

Some things you could work on explaining more, like why you chose to dab into fx makeup (which, again, you need to explain in the beginning so the reader understands that it's special-effects makeup). Talk more about how you discovered your love for fx makeup; this show is a good way to begin. What did you like about it? Why did it take you so long for you to start practicing/trying out fx makeup? And from the way you put it, it sounds like you didn't even need a year of fx-makeup-practicing before you were suddenly so good that you were unrecognizable. Which could happen, but I find it a little hard to believe. Where are your failures, your hard work, your practice? Those are very important, maybe even more important than your success -- focus on that as well.

You could also talk a little more about how you worked on fx makeup, how you taught yourself and what you used to refer to (i.e Youtube, websites, tutorials, shows, etc.). Don't focus entirely on it, though -- work more on what you like about fx makeup and how you succeed with it. Like I said, your failures are a good thing to highlight, because they show what you used to do wrong and how you improved. It might also be a good idea to state what you aspire to be, which I assume is a special effect artist, correct? Always a good thing to state in your conclusion. :)

But other than that, you did great with stating your main reasons for why you like fx makeup, and especially where it all began. Talking about your experiences with it is also a good idea, so if you have anything more, include it. The part about you wearing a mask.. meh. It's good, but I feel like it sounds like you're gonna go off on a tangent, or redirect the reader's attention. They'll be wondering why you included that and where you're going with it, so I'd nick it if I were you.

Overall, nice work! Just could use a little maintenance, as always, but still a good start. Hope this helps!

~Iggy




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Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:44 pm
silverlady99 wrote a review...



Hey! ...here to review your work...

The whole thing was well presented.. just some punctuation errors I found at a few places.
Example-
"Every summer I go to camp and at my camp we have scary story night where all of the older kids create ideas to scare the younger campers."

There's supposed to a comma after the phrase " at my camp" ... But this is perfectly normal, you probably just forgot.

Anyways, it is pretty cool to read about this since this is different and unique- Special fix up makeup.

I feel that the Genre ( pardon me if i have written it wrong) or the "subtype" (to be more specific) you chose, was not really in accordance with what you wrote, because this isn't something that stirs up the feeling of "horror" in a person, neither can it be put into the "supernatural" category.

Your ending was AMAZING. It was depressing, sure, but it is the sort of ending that leaves a mark, you know. It is what MAKES your work special!!


Nice work there! :D

STAY AMAZING, KEEP WRITING :D
xoxo





We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind