Young Writers Society

Hey, there! This has got some really nice imagery. I like how you start out with the narrator speaking of their love for the night sky, simple and basic, with no deeper meaning - and then as the poem progresses, the descriptions take on symbolism.

I appreciate how all the main stanzas have the same amount of lines. Also, the separation of the stanzas make for clear reading and an organized appearance.

My favorite part about this poem is how you talk about the stars in your eyes and the clouds raining tears. These are vivid images that convey the emotions they represent. Another cool thing is how you've taken a visual picture and used it to express a feeling that deals with relationships and emotions. However, I did find it a little confusing the way you fluctuated back and forth between visualizing the narrator as the sky itself and then as an outside observer of the sky. It just feels inconsistent.

Thanks for sharing this great poem! Keep up the good work!

Hey Ilium! It’s Addison!
I really, truly like this poem.
I don’t see at ALL why you called it cringy! It has a lyrical feel, like someone could compose a beat and it would fit perfectly with a bedroom pop love song.

As someone who uses night and astrology a lot in my own works, I might have a slightly different interpretation of things than others, especially since I use it a frick ton for my love poems and they’re not the greatest

My interpretation of the poem was that, along with your sky-loving potential partner (I’m rooting for you, by the way!!) You use the night, stars, and universe to explain the deepness and complexity of the human emotion and experience.
The idea of ‘not letting on into their sky’ kinda resounded with me. I really liked it!

You do rhyme “sky” with “sky” at one point, but that’s my only real critique

Anyways, you did awesome, my dude! Keep writing!
Peace and tacos be with you, and stay safe!
-Addison

Hey there, Mordax here with a review!!

Btw, I loveeee this poem, so this review will be speckled with critiques and appreciations.

Sometimes when I stare into the moon

Do you wish sometimes that I was there too?

So that I can keep looking at the night sky

If your clouds rain your tears

If winds blow your world apart

I’ll calm the storms, still the rain

So you can show your stars once more.

For years, I’ve looked at the night sky

And wondered at its beauty

And as I’ve understood it better

I know I love it truly

The night sky you like to be with

I’ll float, a man with no gravity

Hi Ilium417,

Mailice here with a short review!

I don't think the poem is cringy. I like it. I don't think I've read enough poems to give a professional review, but in the many points you list here, you create a lovely, melancholic and wistful atmosphere that you metaphorically transform into the night sky and the stars. The connections you create across the different paragraphs complement each other and give the text a new meaning when it is read through a second time and knows what happens next.

You love the night sky as much as I do
I've seen the way you look at the stars

Sometimes when I stare into the moon
I look to my side, hoping that you would be there
To see the night sky with me
Loving it as much as I love you.

Even though you're waiting for the sun to rise
I'll always be willing to watch it rise with you.

You're the gravity that keeps me anchored
So that I can keep looking at the night sky

Your moon can be covered with clouds
And your stars in your eyes can lose their light
I'll stay, help you figure it out
Until I know you're alright

For years, I've looked at the night sky
And wondered at its beauty
And as I've understood it better
I know I love it truly

I know you're waiting until after the sun rises
To let other stars into your sky

My very first thought about this poem was that it completely exceeded my expectations.
It was very fluid. When it rhymed it rhymed nicely and when it didn't it blended well. The analogy was a good one and I caught the feelings clearly. This set of lines seemed to sum up the poem to me.

Sometimes when I stare into the moon

I look to my side, hoping that you would be there

To see the night sky with me

Loving it as much as I love you.